Bright

This year brought the brightest yellow fall folliage I can remember. I don't know which it is... my eyes or my memory that is failing. Either way, the last week or two have been beautiful to me. I love this time of year, with the beautifully colored leaves finally carpeting the trail.

It is one cold weekend here... it was 20 degrees last night although the high today was 50. I hiked yesterday and today, although I'm looking forward to bicycling thru the piles of leaves stacked by the sidewalks.

The air is clear and sunsets are all colorful and gorgeous. Last night I saw the Space Station and Shuttle at sunset just left of Jupiter and Venus on an arc straight up.

Yesterday I trampled off-trail in the woods with a rockhound buddy, getting snagged by briars and stomping on poison ivy, but scoring me some firewood. Today I did a more familiar 6-mile, 2-hour, 900-ft climb... my favorite... after breakfast.

I'm considering going to the Smokeys to hike for the 4 days of Thanksgiving next week. Have to do some homework on what's open and closed.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Grief

Am I through with my grief? It's been a year and a half, and many other crises and events have come and gone since The Ex and I broke up and I got depressed. So, let's go through it, for self-analysis, historical documentation and lessons learned.


The Ex went through the depression first, with many demands for control without compromise, her words breaking my heart. This stage lasted four years, beginning immediately upon moving in. All we were was lousy roommates. I realized that I made a huge mistake. When she finally made her decision that I was insignificant, she became happier, proclaimed an end to the relationship and started inviting other men over, which was her way to begin recovery. Her abuse was my breaking point.

My grief started when I then had to accept her decision and invited her out. In this case saying goodbye was definitely the right thing to do. Four months after voicing her decision, and after getting her income tax refund, she finally moved. I immediately took a week off to clean up the house, took a vanfull to her, four truckloads to charity and filled up a construction dumpster. I remodeled the house. I took many showers to scrub her stink off.

Unlike her, I refused to date new people as a recovery technique, preferring the simplicity of solitude. I then went into a depression tailspin, pills and all. I went into a loop in which I ranged from extreme work and exercise to sitting at home crying. I had a tough time and this lasted for months. Searching for help, I joined a weekly support group that I still attend. I recognized that it was unrequited love, that I provided the free ride and that's all I was to her. I've forgiven myself for making that mistake and am satisfied and at peace with myself now. Unbelievably, I'm still in love with her, but I CHOSE to quit thinking about her and do a complete cutoff, with no looking back, which was quite the struggle and the hardest thing ever to get off my mind.

So I'm well, my grief has been over for quite a while, and I'm a changed man. I now thoroughly enjoy my peace and quiet, and I do enjoy myself. Since I sleep better, I feel stronger, work more efficiently, bike and hike more and longer, and lift heavier weights. I'm friendly, I laugh more and I whistle down the halls. I celebrate life. I've gone to the occassional party but don't stay long, since I don't want to make another mistake. Most importantly, I contribute again.

Last year, I teared often and heavily. This year I laugh so hard that I cry.

And that's my grief story in a nutshell, for the books.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Blessing

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Father, we all have some kind of battle we're fighting, so it's nice to get an occasional kindness and blessing. We all suffer the consequences of living in this world and need to receive the Holy Spirit in a very real way... through other people.

Father, bless my daughter in whatever it is that You know she may be needing this day. May her life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Enlarge her thinking, be with her, keep her from evil, help her with her burdens and keep her from grief. (1 Chr 4 10)

May the Lord look upon you kindly, give you peace and continue to bless you that you may yourself continue to be a blessing to others.

Amen.

-Dad

P.S., And may the good Lord hold you in the palm of his hand.
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Buy Low?

I noticed that Circuit City just filed for bankruptcy protection and its stock dropped to eleven cents a share. Sirius-XM's has been below a quarter and bankruptcy is expected next year. Both of these two companies could recover nicely in years ahead, returning maybe five times my investment today. On the other hand, the thousands invested could just go down a rabbit hole, never to be seen again. It is a lot like Las Vegas casino gambling.

The same can be said for a troubled relationship. It's a gamble to buy low... and invest time and money in a relationship in trouble... with the hope of recovery, if it will just go to hell anyway. It's a crap shoot here too. Is throwing dice all we can go on?

Of course, I've had my good moments when I bought high on a relationship... I will cherish the times my relationships elated me, before the trouble started. Relationships consume, and sometimes it's just time to go on. So, maybe the trick with relationships is to buy high and sell low. Some things work opposite of others. That is, if you opt for a relationship at all. It may be best to stay out of that market too.

- © 2008 by Willy
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