Am I Crazy?

Am I in my right mind?

I have experienced pain many times, and do so now. To me, the really big pain is about the wounds of the heart and mind. Physical pain (like my cancers, broken bones, ruptured appendix, etc.) is comparatively less. The most pain has always been at times in which I don’t have control over my thinking, when every single thing is difficult and life loses its luster… like now. The last couple of months have been excruciatingly painful for me.

My many physical and emotional issues have given me anxiety, and made me question my thoughts and actions. This has been a life-long reoccuring struggle. 

Sometimes I can discuss these with a buddy over a beer, but sometimes my go-to person to discuss heart-and-mind matters is my daughter Jennifer. My question and discussions with her are always “Am I crazy?” She has patience with me and knows that it’s mostly a matter of time before I regain my sanity. And she’s right, because I’m feeling better after a few weeks of hiking therapy with her. I’m still not right, but hopefully I get to go home soon. 

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do,” said Robert Schuller.

Yes, I’m all about hiking… to beautiful views in beautiful places. It heals me. How could I forget?

Father, please continue to heal us. 

And by the grace of God go I.

-copyright 2021 by Willy.

Huffing And Puffing

"Come on baby, I love you, come back to me." I was saying out loud at the gym while I massaged my right quad on a leg extension machine. Among my many issues is that my right leg does not work well, due to the stage-4 lymphoma in 2014. The leg is weak, and has little feeling. It's a miracle that I can walk and hike as well as I do. Then, again, it's a miracle that I'm alive, because they gave me a 20% chance of living five years... seven years ago. I thought I was dead, then was in a wheelchair, then a walker, and now I hike. In 2019 they took out a tennis ball sized tumor out of my brain, a side effect of radiation therapy. Yes, I am a blessed man. How long do I have? Thank you, Father, for this day.

Topic 2: I'm back to this blog after a seven-year pause to continue documenting myself. In reading backwards, My life is so different from the pre-cancer me... in so many ways.

Topic 3: I'm in Colorado, hiking with daughter Jennifer for my mental health, and praying for a recovery for my best friend and hiking partner, and praying for a way forward… if it’s in your will, Father.

And please grant me perception, awareness and understanding, wisdom and acceptance, and strength and endurance. 

And by the grace of God go I.

- copyright 2021 by Willy

Bare Knuckles

I quit wearing gloves.

On one level, I quit wearing bicycle gloves, removed the speedometer/computer and tossed the heart rate monitor. I ride my heavy fat-tire bike... the carbon has been hanging from the ceiling for years. When I hike my usual solo 7-mile trails, I change to boots but wear whatever I have on (dress shirt and pants)... I do not carry water nor food but I do carry a phone. Bare knuckled.

On another level, I do not use an electric toothbrush either. At my shower you'll find a bar of soap and a razor... no shampoo nor bottles of any kind. At my sink is a toothbrush, Water Pic, baby oil and hairbrush. Pretty simple, eh?

There's only beer and popsicles in my fridge. I own no iron, no mixer, nor blender. I seldom use the heat or air conditioning at home, and I open my window at work. Do I live like a monk?

I do not use mosquito spray and I do not wave a stick in front of me to break the spiderwebs on-trail. Spider bites are an acceptable hazard.

Given a choice, I do it the hard way. I do not use work gloves at the farm. I use a hand saw, I use sandpaper in a block, I cut up small trees with a bow saw, and I usually drive a screw with a screwdriver. I have better control this way rather than with motorized tools, and it toughens my hands and joints. Bloody knuckles heal.

The world is fragile.

I do have to be careful, because I'm too strong. I have twisted doorknobs off, destroyed vacuum cleaners, and hurt with a handshake or hug.

Why?

Why do I do things the hard way? Not only do I like the accomplishment, but doing things the hard way is training. I will be able to do these things when I get old... while my buddies can't already. Use it or lose it!

Storms took the power down and a neighbor with a generator invited me to watch TV, but I thanked him and said that a candle and my iPhone will suffice. I do it because I like simplicity.

Although I'm a rocket scientist, I like no frills. The more complex something is, the higher the risk of failure and the lower the reliability. In my old cars, I've cut off many unneeded gadgets, and the cars are aging rather well. I like low risk.

Sooo... why live bare knuckled? Because it improves both my body and my character. A lot of people talk tough, but I live it.


-copyright 2014 by Willy

Happiness... What It is.

Much has been written about happiness. And everyone has a different definition of it. Mine includes outdoor activity, like hiking.

I plan several outdoor activities a year that keep me happy. Some are with others, and some are by myself. And it's all with variety and balance, from backpacking to just having lunch outside in a restaurant patio. No, I don't care if it's raining or sunny, hot or cold.

Happiness is having a fervor. And being able to scratch that itch.


-copyright 2014 by Willy

P.S., the ability to scratch an itch, not scratching every itch.

Blessed

There's a preacher out there that incessantly talks about what to do and how to behave in order to get God's blessings. He talks about blessings as though they were a unit of currency. It's amazing that somebody buys this hype. He's done very well, but he's just another silver-tongued devil. But I digress again.

Blessings are not complicated things.

I believe in happiness through kindness, service and sacrifice. And I believe in karma. Thus I believe that blessings come. And they come every which way.

I was climbing a steep and tall mountain a few weeks ago. I should have been up and back down by noon due to the possibility of lightning. I embraced the burn but was nevertheless climbing rather slowly. I started at sunup but there was just no way to meet the timetable. I saw the storms coming right at me and should have aborted but decided instead to continue. The storms went around the mountain and sleeted heavy below. I only got wet in the last ten minutes of my ten-hour hike.

Am I blessed?

I'm very good at science, math... and statistics. When a statistical improbability rears up, I take notice. And there's been quite a few of these. Not 100-year floods every year but 100-year blessings many times a year.

I believe, but not in TV preachers.


-copyright 2014 by Willy.

P.S., lightning kills many hikers above treeline.

Something Special and Motivational

The above picture is the GPS screen reading of my hiking GPS at the top of Mount Shivano near Salidas, Colorado, a few weeks ago. Note its elevation reading is 14,233 feet.

Shivano is a class-2 fourteener, and I hiked a mile up in five miles forward, in thin air. This one took me six hours to climb where my other successful fourteener, a class-1, took me four hours, so either my training is lacking or I've got to shed some pounds, or both. That gives me a goal for the next year... to train extra hard at my home elevation of 1,000 feet.

Besides backpacking, I'm now "peak-bagging." Colorado has 52 mountains that are 14,000 feet high or higher. I have accomplished two in five attempts. The unsuccessful attempts were either storm problems and/or not starting early enough and not having enough time (Grey's), or being pooped out (Long's and Pike's). No, I do not get sick at this altitude but I do walk slower and pant more.

I have to do Something Special and Motivational a few times a year. We all do.


-copyright 2014 by Willy.

How Intense?

That is the big question: How frequent and intense should workouts be? It looked to me that too often or too hard and I'd pop a gasket and go RIP on the spot, but not often or not intense enough and I'd die slowly of organ failure.

The solution for me has been variety: I have a base, and add variation.

I warm up, stretch and self-massage every day.

I do something or two every day, but every day is different. Like weightlift every other day, hike outside two or three times a week, bike out once or twice a week, and do cardio machines (elliptic and studio bike) several times a week. And then do something special and motivational several times a year, like week-long backpacking trips, mountain climbs and bike tours.

Every weight workout is different... in form, type, sets and angles/machines/weights. Every cardio is different in location/surface/machine, time and intensity.

Once a month I do heavy weights as well as all-day hikes or very fast hikes and high heartrate elliptic sessions. I rotate these and warm up very well.

Is it working? Yes, I think so... for me. I do well, but still get occasional injuries, for which I have to take time off or modify my workouts to recuperate. I do seem to get elbow tendinitis too often, so am continuously modifying and cold-packing. Could I do better? Probably, but as compared to what? There are not that many old athletes around. I read a lot, discuss and experiment, but I don't have all the answers. I've been working on this particular answer for decades.

-copyright 2014 by Willy

Past Age 60

The current issue of one of the outdoors backpacking magazines prominently displayed an article titled: "Ten ways To Stay Active after 60." This article joins many others with the same message.

Having lived long past 60, it amuses me that so many lengthy articles need to be written on the subject, when it's just simple common sense. To me, there is only one thing to do:

Modify, but don't stop.

I modified by going low-impact (no running), and increasing my miles to accommodate my reduced metabolic rate. This has decreased my risk for injury and increased my endurance and toughness.

I do not stop for weather nor for distractions. Nothing stops my training. I hike, bike, lift and stretch more, and more effectively. If I stop, I might not be able to get back to it.

I don't stop.


-copyright 2014 by Willy

It's the Journey

It's the journey, not the destination... most of the time.

I am getting home from a hike down the Havasu Indian part of the Grand Canyon. There are beautiful waterfalls there in an absolutely gorgeous canyon.



I have seen many beautiful things in nature along my life's journey. This was one of them.

They say it's a 3,000 ft descend in 10 miles but my GPS said 13+ (due to multipath, which is the bouncing of satellite off canyon walls... more on that for another blog).

This is about half the altitude-feet of the park's South Rim's Bright Angel trail... with more miles, thus easier (but that's for another blog too).

The journey?

The way we went was assisted by an outfitter that carries down tents and food via mules. I still carried a twenty-something-pound pack.

Most of the time, I backpack ultralight... self-contained, simple and rough... and I like it that way, but glamor camping (glamping?) is a terrific luxury option. I have experienced it on hut-to-hut circuits at the White Mountains, camp-to-camp at the High Sierras, at LeConte in the Smokeys, Len Foot Hike Inn at Springer Mountain and many others.

But there's a new level of glamping... by helicopter!

The destination?

Now, I do sometimes believe that the end justifies the means... let me get it done my way... but not this time: People helicopter to Havasu and back out. Groups of hobby photogs do that. Even NatGeo did that.

Depending on your purpose, that could be cheating.

I will never again look at a beautiful wild NatGeo picture of Africa without asking: Did they just helicopter there?


- copyright 2014 by Willy

Hiking or Backpacking Checklist

Here's my checklist... Possible Things to Take Hiking or Backpacking. This is a reminder for me... you do whatever you want.

Separate things into two: a backpack ready to go hike and an overnight bag for motel and flight the day before and after. Yes, you'll have duplicates or you may not need overnight bag. It may rain, so everything in NEW zipper type Ziploc bags or standard weather-sealed ditty bags. The list below is comprehensive and you need to take just whatever part applies to your specific hike (short or long, winter or summer, glamping or wilderness, etc.). Do not over-pack the backpack... keep it to an absolute minimum. I hike with less than 30 pounds, including week's worth of food... ultralight and minimal is key.

If it's a car drive take a cooler with beer for after!
Light and small tent.
Pad, foam (I bust air pads).
Down sleeping bag on very waterproof bag.
One dry set of clothes change only!
Layers of clothes.
Everything poly-prop or wicking (no cotton).
Electrolyte (Gatorade).
Bladder on pack.
Bottle for airport or ride.
Pack, day pack or ultralite backpack, with waist belt and breast strap.
Water purifier pills.
Hiking pole(s), telescoping, with tennis ball on end for airplane.
Duct tape wrapped on hiking pole.
Whistle on lanyard around neck for bear.
Boots, very comfortable, roomy (anti-bluetoe) and broken in.
Arch support in boots.
Sunblock for face/nose and shoulders (if tank top use).
Lunch (Subway frozen turkey sandwich?), trail mix, snacks if glamping.
No-stove backpacking food (chicken, crunch noodles, trail mix, etc).
Cable ties for repairs and for first aid.
Camera, waterproof.
GPS.
Cell phone, charged full, with solar recharger?.
Take 110-volt house and 12-volt car recharger for before and after.
Batteries, extra, for camera, GPS, etc.
Maps, paper, on very waterproof bag, and compass.
Visor or hat to keep the rain off glasses and the sun off face.
Anti-fog cloth for glasses (important for rain).
Neck pillow if a long airplane trip there and back.
Deet for mosquitoes.
Alcohol as bug bite antiseptic and as part of ear unclogger.
Small flashlights, LED light or Petzl headlight.
Very small and light umbrella.
Rain poncho with built-in hood, for rain, wind or warmth.
Do not take an outer layer without hood!
Small disposable ponchos for rain or emergency tent.
Socks, thick wool socks and thin sock liners.
Underwear/briefs.
Shorts-pants/convertibles if nights are cool.
Shorts, light, for sleeping in heat.
Maybe gym pants for sleeping in cold.
T-shirts, one for the way up and another for dry or for the way down.
Tank top for heat.
Thick down vests for nights or idle.
Light camp shoes or water shoes.
Knive if driving or checking luggage, otherwise buy one there.
String and Velcro for bear/mouse/raccoon overnight bag and repairs.
Food bag for hanging.
Long-sleeve shirt for black flies or mosquitoes!
Don't take stupid beekeeper hat for black flies or mosquitoes, use hood!
Lightweight gloves for flies and mosquitoes, and cold.
Ear bands for cold.
Bandanas or sweatband or visor for sweat.
Maybe pack cover for incessant rain.
Sunglasses if sun (or high altitude).
Single-vision glasses.
Nose spray decongestant for sleeping and reduce snoring.
Benadryll, sleeping pills, etc. for sleeping.
Aspirin for hip pain.
Vaseline for chafe and massage.
Band-aids and moleskin for blisters.
Maybe Brandy for hot chocolate and as a gastro/hip pain killer before bed.
Tampons for the ladies as necessary.
Kleenex, small travel packs, or a roll of TP for #2's.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, small soap, maybe a washrag or bandana.
Matches, for just in case.
Pillow for motel before and after (use pack on-trail).
Stamps and addresses for postcard mailings to kids on-trail.


-copyright 2014 by Willy

Winter Training

Outside in the winter can be beautiful, but the cold temps with snow and ice can also demotivate a hiker. We can think of so many alternatives! And the truth is that we can do indoor cardio on the elliptic, treadmill, exercise bike, aerobics classes and even walking the mall... or so the little red devil tells me.

That's when the other little voice calls me a wimp.

"If your goal is to be a tough old man," the little white angel goes, "then you should enjoy a couple of hours of winter wonderland."

"Besides, you've been slowly getting conditioned to the winter by uninterrupted hiking."

Yes, due to my obsessive compulsive disorder, I have been hiking two to four times a week consistently for a dozen years.

"And you will see Mother Nature at her best."

That did it. Off I went hiking in single-digit temperatures.


-copyright 2014 by Willy.

The Real Thing

Compared to a hike, doing cardio at the gym is like masturbating... we get the same result but with a very different feeling. In a hike, we get intimate with nature... we are provided nature's ample bosom.

The gym has shock, but nature has awe.

Besides the better feeling, nature fully satisfies all the senses. There is little better than standing on a sunny peak, enjoying the view, feeling the wind, having smelled the wildflowers, hearing only yourself pant, and tasting the accomplishment. Enjoy!

- © 2013 by Willy

Secret Fitness Techniques

Wow, this year went by so fast that it was a blur!

I was looking over my notes and trying to determine how I did with my resolutions this year. On the positive side: I lost weight/fat and improved muscle tone, and vastly improved my hiking endurance. On the negative side: I did not bicycle enough, I had knee and shoulder injuries, and I did not consume enough protein.

My resolution for this next year is to continue hikes and lifting as is, but increase protein and bicycling, and be more careful about injuries.

I wanted my self-discipline and self-motivation to be stellar this year but it was a year full of stress. Stress may be the reasons for the injuries and for a very long "cold," or maybe it was over-training. So, let's try it again next year, and every year, and let's use the same secret techniques that have produced a good work career for me. To remind myself, what to do...

Set goals. What worked well last year was a target waist size and related weight loss, a defined "easy" hike mileage, and increased reps... when my weightlifting buddy wasn't looking. Begin with the end in mind. At work, it's been the number of technical reports published.

Be proactive. What worked well before was to madly cross-train, using all off-work time (no hanging around the house watching TV!). Just do it, the Nike ads say. At work, my interest takes over. Nobody has to tell me what to do, since I'm doing it. Do keep in mind that I have a desk job.

Do not overdo it. Think no over-training injuries. Allow both the mind and the body to win. Think win-win. At work, it has been distributing success credit to others.

Key is playing nice, smiling, sharing, mentoring, being courageous, keeping integrity, and demonstrating patience... with myself and others at the gym, trail, road, and work/lab. However, I do admit that I avoid some people to...

Be happy, and stay happy. "Do what you can with what you got," is my mantra... and...

Remember to rest. Nothing beats eliminating drama and reducing stress, and thus getting good sleep. The body has to heal itself after the carnage. Add regular massage, too.

Shhh... those are my secrets. Don't tell anybody.


- © 2012 by Willy

P.S., a happy new year to you.

Inside Workouts... Or Not

It's easy to neglect weightlifting and other inside workouts in beautiful weather.

I'm a cross-training advocate, but my tendency this time of year is to go outside on crisp, sunny days for long mountain hikes. Hiking is easier than elliptic or swimming, and more enjoyable than both. Diopter-correction goggles and waterproof mp3 players help with swimming pace (a regular mp3 for elliptic). Bicycling is borderline, since seasonal strong and cool winds take a bite out of my enjoyment.

I enjoy weightlifting, because I can see the results in the mirror... like I enjoy dieting (yes, really). Lifting is easy for me so I have to remember to use perfect form and take it easy or I'll get a joint injury... my muscles are stronger than my tendons/joints. Dumbbells are my favorite over barbells, since the completely flat barbell grip position hurts me for some presses, whereas dumbbell angles automatic adjust to the no-pain level.

I do have a lifting partner. Just like meeting a class... college or gym... a habitual event helps tremendously in maintaining frequency. So, I lift at least twice a week... three times when not lured outside... similarly with elliptic, step, and yoga.

I also have habitual hikes, which are currently on Tuesdays after work, Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings (unless I'm bicycling). On some particular bitter Sunday mornings, do I walk the mall (yes, it's boring but not as bad as swimming), but prefer conditioning to nasty weather because nasty weather happens on-trail.

This time of year the Tuesday after work hikes become adventuresome, since it is about sundown when I get to the trailhead. I hike in twilight up to the point, and back on a road in the dark. I do not recommend it, but it is my sixth Winter season doing this: I use the very same trail and know it well, carry a smartphone, umbrella, down vest, shell, poncho, 2 lights and protein bar in a small Camelback. I have contingency plans for several scenarios, and my work buddies know my habits. By the way, I use a red headlight to prevent peripheral vision night blindness, which is normally caused by white light.

Happy trails to you.

- © 2012 by Willy

Beautiful Weather

Mother nature's colors are drop dead gorgeous this Fall. It's been gorgeous weather for bicycling and hiking too. What a great time of year! The trick is not to overdo it... there's plenty of time ahead for adventure.

On the other hand, there's lots to do before the certainty of Winter and the possibility of bad weather arriving. Layers, headbands and gloves came out of the Winter box; plants are in; cars are waxed; external water shut off; but still need to bag leaves... after they all fall.

Being healthy and fit... and no longer being married to Satan... I can do whatever I want. It's time to make plans for Winter hiking in the Smokeys, Rockies, AT and elsewhere... I have virgin snowshoes to try out.

But first, a local, cold, early-morning bicycle ride tomorrow... and fun in the local wonderland.

- © 2012 by Willy

Nut Timing

Bang, crash, thud... went the days and nights around home, and around the trails.

It is neat to hike amongst the rain of nuts.

A week ago, on Saturday evening, I swept my deck free of acorns, walnuts and such. The next morning, I counted over 60 new nuts deposited overnight. That was the peak of a week-long happening: Every year, in one week, all the nut-bearing trees drop their nuts, all together. All. And then the squirrels go into overtime, looking like a Disney movie.

Today was quiet and beautiful. The nut-dropping week is over. Fantastic! Bravo!


- © 2012 by Willy

Working Vacation

I am helping my daughter with her two-month-old son this week, as she starts work. I was supposed to be the third-shift bottle feeder so that she can sleep, but grandson slept through the entire night last night... for the first time. So, this is going to be easy.

I fixed, cleaned and installed (I don't idle well) and went bicycling. Since I about ran out of things to do already, I realize that I am going to have a relaxing vacation.

I did not rent a car this time. During the day, besides resting, I am either out on her bike (sometimes running errands) or walking the neighborhood... having fun.

This is a really good and relaxing vacation.

- copyright 2012 by Willy

Back In My Boots Again

After Denver, I am spending the night at a Gatlingburg condo (my fourth visit this year). I'm going to bed early to get a headstart for climbing Mt LeConte tomorrow via The Boulevard. I have lost count how often I hike The Smokeys, but it has to be in the triple digits by now. Hikes have been one to seven days, although the typical is just two days... a weekend.

I began walking mountains before age 10, and hiking in earnest in college... car camping and short hikes mostly, with a few backpacking trips for semester breaks. I enjoy it, which is why I do it. I prefer the woods but also hike the desert and above treeline too. I learned by doing: In 1969 I learned that a tent keeps bugs away and sleep is better; and in Christmas 1971 I learned not to set up tent atop snow. Now we read mags and Google for anything.

I also have gotten both soft and hard: Soft because I've learned to use slackpack "luxury" hut accommodations on-trail (lodge, hostel or wilderness hut). Hard because I regularly train with long miles... longer, faster and more frequent than I did as a young man.

My goal is to enjoy life.

- © 2012 by Willy

Rules for Nature

I'm an aged and seasoned adventurer. In my view, when you go out hiking and mountain biking, you are on Mother Nature's turf... her house, not ours... and thus there are rules of behavior to be followed by guests.

Pay attention and be nice to people, flora and fauna.

Stay on the trails. You do less damage to nature. And, if you get lost, rescue can find you. If you don't know your trails well, carry a map or GPS with you and/or an experienced person to teach you. Nobody wants to spend his time rescuing an idiot.

Snakes, spiders and bugs live there. It's their home, not yours... you're merely visiting. You're going to get bitten and stung. If you want to do something about it, DEET may work, but otherwise just accept it. Don't like spider webs? If you don't want to wave a stick in front of you for hours (and I don't), just accept that you're going to get a nasty bite every now and then. Snakes usually scurry off, but pay attention and be patient, especially if you're going fast. If you're in bear or moose country, pay even more attention and follow encounter procedure.

Other people share the trail with you. The ascending hiker has the right of way over the descending hiker. Note this: The rule is that hikers have the right of way over a bike, but a fast coming bicycle has more momentum, does not see well, can't hear and has less agility than a hiker... so be smart if you're the hiker and step off the trail to let the bike pass. If you stop for a break, get off the trail and take the bike with you, because you're not the only one there. If you do a #1 or, especially, a #2, get well off the trail.

Say hello, wave or tip your head to other hikers or bikers. I'll be one of them. Stick your head in the park office every now and then to say howdy, and appreciate what the rangers do.

If you see an obstacle, move it off or cut it back off the trail, if you can. Manicuring the trail is everybody's responsibility.

Introduce new people to the trails gradually and slowly, make sure they bring water and snacks, and take lots of breaks. Of course, you could impress them by showing off that you can hike 10 miles no-sweat, but they'll never come back.

If you multi-day backpack or bike, pack well to bring your own everything... be as independent as if you were solo. Use a checklist (besides the DEET, mine includes duct tape around my hiking pole). Do not depend on others in your party to take care of you.

Don't like this? Then stay in the city. These are my opinions, for your consideration. Be considerate. To some, a trail is just a trail but to me it's my back yard. Hope you enjoy it.

Don't forget to smile!


- © 2012 by Willy

On Solitude

There is no one waiting by the green light at the end of Daisy's dock, and there will never be. I have a very comfortable solitary life elsewhere, and I like it this way.

There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness... a matter of choice. Loneliness is depression, whereas choosing solitude is enjoyment... for time at work, bicycles, mountains and gyms with a better sense, clearer mind and healthier body. I sleep better, see more, feel better and enjoy life.

I have analyzed my ex-wife and my other relationships. I now realized that I am blessed not to be encumbered by them. I have no albatross around my neck... and want none ever more.

I used to think that it was a tradeoff, a balance between joys and sorrows, but I now realize that there was only short-term joy and long-term sorrow.

The monks are correct in their solitude, however, even THEY pledge obedience to their abbot... the head monk. No way!


- © 2012 by Willy

P.S., No way!