Why Do It Again?

Yes, I climbed LeConte, again. I like to, and do it all the time. Some times once a year. Last year it was three times.

I am getting old and I prefer the devil I know to the miracle I don't, but the daughter makes me hike somewhere new with her once a year, this year it's the 100-mile wilderness in Maine.

To LeConte, I usually go with a big group. Some of us race to the top (4 1/4 hours via Rainbow), and drink hot toddies while waiting for dinner. The next day we race down (3 hours via Bullhead), then drink beer until the rest of the group get down, usually hours, then we carpool home.

I do enjoy the challenge, and the racing is the excuse to hike at my own pace and by myself. The slowpokes jabber about flowers, birds, scat, bear, and who knows what else.

So, does this solo character flaw make me special? Hell if I know, but I do become the spider web clearer and maybe the bear bait, and, lordy, I saw a lot of evidence of bear this time, although not the actual bear. Last year, a mama bear came straight for me, looking for a handout. I whistled till my ears hurt, and had my walking stick ready to poke her in the nose, but she disengaged the pursuit.

I do get a thrill... a smug sense of accomplishment... on these regular hikes, and revel in the mountain views and wildflowers. Even the wildlife.



-© 2010 by Willy

Amazement

I continue to be amazed by things unseen or undetectable: The sense that we can't sense it all.

You might be able to observe discipline and resolve. Initiative. Continuous progress. Contributions. Laughter. Attitude. A kindness spoken or received. Encouragement.

But comfort, contentment and inner peace? Introspection. Inner happiness. Character. A good conscience. The quietness of riding with an 81-year-old. The remembrance of a smell long ago. Missing a friend. Appreciation and gratitude. A good feeling. Faith in something or somebody. The spirit. The fleeting wind. Love. Friendship.

"The measure of a friendship is whether one is enriched in character, spirit or experience by virtue of the relationship." - anon.


- © 2010 by Willy

Detecting Residual Depression

Everything is relative. Comparison is necessary. A baseline, cornerstone or control case is absolutely essential, since measuring is done FROM a point.

When I find the measurement reference point from which I can judge progress, status or closure, I am a happy man.

I accidentally got a unexpected breakthrough recently in a three-year depression issue which I did not know I still had. It had to do with The Ex ignoring me when I ran into her after not having seen her for over three years. If she had instead pleasantly interacted with me that day, I would have been weak and possibly reopened undesired emotions. But, since she is what she is, she put my fears to rest and I was fortunate that, by ignoring me, she actually helped me with closure.

My world was bright but it's even brighter now.

It had been taking me an infinite amount of self-analysis in determining if my thinking is rational or erratic. I've found that not everything needs an explanation (yes, a strange statement coming from an engineer). Sometimes, things just happen because we choose for them to. I gave the devil her power. It was my choice. No more.

- © 2010 by WIlly

The Why Of It...

My daughter had a boyfriend heartache, so she came home to talk to an old friend. The breakthrough came: "She told me something powerful: 'You may be all the Jesus some people see.'"

Now, that's a terrific solution statement, no matter what the problem is, but it's difficult for this ol' engineer to understand matters of the heart. Experience 'em, yes, but understand, no. Engineers do heads, not hearts.

I had earlier reminded her that the last stage in grief is acceptance, but now I just listened and took her out and showed her some stress-reducing things that work for me and may work for her too, like feeding the ducks and hanging out by a gurgling brook. We hiked in my backyard mountain... the inchworms were raining down this weekend, no doubt incubating in our oak-pine-hickory canopy above, but more about that some other time.

You would think that figuring out life is easy... that the number of heartaches someone will experience in their lifetime (Nh) is equal to the number of temptations (Nt) that occur times the probability of succumbing to temptation given the temptation (Ps/t). But life is not an equation Nh = Nt x Ps/t. And Ps/t is tough to figure. Life is not Yes or No, Black or White... it's endless grayscale, infinite graduations of brightness and hues of an uncountable number of colors, with a timescale and with many strings attached.

But I do agree that cutting down the number of temptations, and me behaving like Jesus, does result in a simpler life with less heartache... for me and for you too.


- © 2010 by Willy