On Solitude

There is no one waiting by the green light at the end of Daisy's dock, and there will never be. I have a very comfortable solitary life elsewhere, and I like it this way.

There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness... a matter of choice. Loneliness is depression, whereas choosing solitude is enjoyment... for time at work, bicycles, mountains and gyms with a better sense, clearer mind and healthier body. I sleep better, see more, feel better and enjoy life.

I have analyzed my ex-wife and my other relationships. I now realized that I am blessed not to be encumbered by them. I have no albatross around my neck... and want none ever more.

I used to think that it was a tradeoff, a balance between joys and sorrows, but I now realize that there was only short-term joy and long-term sorrow.

The monks are correct in their solitude, however, even THEY pledge obedience to their abbot... the head monk. No way!


- © 2012 by Willy

P.S., No way!

Finally Enjoying My Children

I raised my children by myself. Being a momma-daddy, I am co-dependent but also believe in tough love. Everyone has to stand up on their own two feet.

One of the greatest challenges of being a parent has to be watching my kids make choices as young adults that I believe in my heart are mistakes. All I can do is try to help them understand the potential consequences, hope that the guidance I gave them will somehow help them through, and pray for the best... for their own sake.

I'm tired of getting caught in the tangle of other people's lives.


- © 2010 by Willy

The Why Of It...

My daughter had a boyfriend heartache, so she came home to talk to an old friend. The breakthrough came: "She told me something powerful: 'You may be all the Jesus some people see.'"

Now, that's a terrific solution statement, no matter what the problem is, but it's difficult for this ol' engineer to understand matters of the heart. Experience 'em, yes, but understand, no. Engineers do heads, not hearts.

I had earlier reminded her that the last stage in grief is acceptance, but now I just listened and took her out and showed her some stress-reducing things that work for me and may work for her too, like feeding the ducks and hanging out by a gurgling brook. We hiked in my backyard mountain... the inchworms were raining down this weekend, no doubt incubating in our oak-pine-hickory canopy above, but more about that some other time.

You would think that figuring out life is easy... that the number of heartaches someone will experience in their lifetime (Nh) is equal to the number of temptations (Nt) that occur times the probability of succumbing to temptation given the temptation (Ps/t). But life is not an equation Nh = Nt x Ps/t. And Ps/t is tough to figure. Life is not Yes or No, Black or White... it's endless grayscale, infinite graduations of brightness and hues of an uncountable number of colors, with a timescale and with many strings attached.

But I do agree that cutting down the number of temptations, and me behaving like Jesus, does result in a simpler life with less heartache... for me and for you too.


- © 2010 by Willy

Having Let Go

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I saw my ex at the gym this week... haven't seen her in 3 years... and, yes, she's obese, and she ignored me (most fortunate for me).

Thinking back, it was tough to let go, especially since I was in love, am somewhat obsessive-compulsive and definitely co-dependent.

It's been stated that chronic lying is not a habit... it's a manifestation of a significant character flaw, and nothing will get rid of it. Lies were either verbalized lies coming out of her mouth or omissions due to her passive-aggressive personality. It's also been stated that sociopathy is a personality disorder for which a lot of shrinks believe there is no cure. You can't grow a conscience. It was either accept her as is or let her go.

Unfortunately, I had given her a ring and she had moved in. Problems started in three weeks. The turning point was to recognize her cruelty. When the stupor of love exited, I realized my problem. This allowed me to respond back with what she considered offensive... with what worked for the last guy, which was a breakthrough. It took years. Looking back, I should have let her go much earlier... but I finally did, and am the better for it.

I am delighted with today.

-© 2010 by Willy

P.S., this at the 3-year hindsight perspective.