Give Until It Hurts?

"You are my idol, Willy," said Charlie, the personal trainer. "When I get to be your age, I want to be in your shape." Dallas laughed. I took it as a serious complement and thanked Charlie for giving it to me.

It's said that, decision by decision, we shape our destiny. However, a good attitude shapes our destiny too, albeit passively. In other words, whether proactively or in quiet acceptance, we live the life we want, with God's grace. Practice how you play and you'll play how you practice. How you practice life is how you live it. We have awesome control over our lives and that of others, since life is a network of invisible crossing threads. Take the complements, and give them too. Recognize and thank the blessings in your life, and be one too. Fulfill lives. Pass it forward.

On the other hand, I give them the benefit of the doubt... until they hurt me. I've been hurt too many times, life is short and I've had enough. What's all this raving about: Somebody who had no clue asked if I wanted to rekindle the relationship with The Ex. It was so incredulous that it was funny. In response I asked if it was a cold day in the hell where she came from.

Why relationships and marriage? I do not subscribe to the idea that I will need someone there when times get tough, because times have been tough because of the somebody that was there... and then nobody was there and life went just fine. The concept that there's a need for a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold and a willing ear is bogus because it costs much more than it's worth. I'll stick to buddies instead... guys and gals... without crossing the line.


Life's a circus, so send in the clowns.

[Daughter Jennifer is one of the two clowns at left... I forgot which.]


-© 2010 by Willy

High and Mighty versus...

Tiger Woods is the latest casualty in a never-ending list of The Fallen.

Here he is, the best at his field, a Billionaire, married to a swimsuit model... the perfect man everybody aspires for... and he gets taken out by what appears to be ego. Money and power goes to their heads. It's called temptation. The devil exists.

The funny thing is that it also happens to a lesser extent to the average guy. I'm sure Tiger Woods gets a million temptations for every one of mine. If you go by percentages, he was bound to fall.

I'm not the best in my field, although I'm very good. I'm not a billionaire, although I do well, I do not know any swimsuits models, although I did score a trophy wife once (or she me) when I was a socially awkward young man. I do understand the lift to the ego that leads to succumbing to temptation, but neither the temptations nor the trophy wife were worth the trouble.

No, I don't know if I'm getting hit by angel or devil, so I play it conservative. My solution has been to limit my exposure and thus minimize temptation. T. Boone Pickens, the oilman, says that the higher a monkey climbs a tree, the more people can see his ass. So I stay in the brush below, doing my thing... I'm pretty high up at work but refuse further promotion, so I get an awful lot done. Every now and then a lady smiles at me... I must remind her of her grandfather... and I ignore it. The love word comes up occasionally and I respond that I love her like a sister. I watch out for games and my favorite word is no. I don't look for "it," I apologize if the wrong impression is taken, and I bolt. And a dear old lady runs my favorite hangout, so I do not flirt with waitresses... it would be like flirting with my mother.

It may seem like a lot of work to constantly monitor and be aware of what I'm doing... to stay in stealth mode... but it's nothing compared to the loss resulting in a fall from grace. God exists too.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Exit Strategy

Johnnie and Jane went trick or treating on Halloween and knocked on an old lady's door, who gave them candy but felt it odd to close the door on them because they just stood there instead of running off to the next house, so she asked "What's the matter, kids?" and Johnnie said "We don't have an exit strategy."

Before you laugh: Afghanistan is costing us a million dollars per soldier per year.

A good joke can be reused. This one came out years ago and it was about President Bush on Iraq. President Clinton had Somalia and Bosnia, and it could have definitely been used with President Johnson on Viet Nam. The only difference is that this year "exit strategy" is called "off-ramp." It's all the same. It is unfortunate that we keep finding ourselves in the same spot, year after year, but I have to trust that our President knows a hell of a lot more than I do.

But wait... maybe I should apply this to my personal life. I should think ahead and ask myself "how am I going to get out of this" before I do anything. If I had, I would not have dated, gotten engaged, married, nor had kids (now you can laugh). I've made mistakes year after year. So, now, and in the future, I will not even date. I'm going to stick to the predictable, the reliable, even the boring... to what I know... solo... that has a built-in exit strategy. I will keep a much lower profile ("remain in the noise floor" in engineering), because I will not enter.

Versus the more common exit strategy of leaving once they get some.



- text © 2009 by Willy

P.S., That I need what I know is yet another blog.

Crafting Each Day Into a Masterpiece

There are all kinds of people. Some people enjoy the challenge of winning a game through manipulation. Some people enjoy the chaos and drama that their bad choices make. Some people enjoy venting their rage at others due to their own inadequacies. Others enjoy being led by lust hormones. And yet others enjoy just being stoned into another world, doing nothing. Many do all of the above.

If there were no fools, there would be no wise men.

Lucky for me that I chose to enjoy crafting each day into a masterpiece.

I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment each and every day. And I enjoy others who feel and do the same. I put my name on my achievements, as well as that of all my helpers. My life is a do-it-yourself shop with ant-like collaboration. You see, there's this good old DO network... we know and enjoy each other. Birds of a feather, you know. A terrific subculture. We include the interested but exclude the fools.

We each craft based on desire, knowledge, activity and kindness. The most common result of these is harmony, happiness and satisfaction. Together, our collective efforts result in a variety of masterpieces for better lives and bigger smiles, the side effects of which are many innovations in engineering.
Some crafts are a little esoteric but the resulting masterpieces are better vehicles, better communication, more entertainment, medical advances and increased security... for better living.

Without our masterpieces, this world would be dark, indeed.


- © 2009 by Willy

Deceivers

There are many amongst us that deceive as a way of life. They look straight at you, eye to eye, smile, and talk so convincingly that we believe every word... and get stuck. Deceit works, and it works well.

Smart deceivers don't get caught in the act. They create plausible deniability as they leave themselves room for the lie. They sweet-talk others into suspending their beliefs. They use all the right words, and they are good at it. It is amazing to me how good they are, but they practice a lot, and practice makes perfect.

We see them on TV, where politicians are in the process of giving the country away, after some good Hollywood acting and sound bites which appeal to your emotions. When they get through this second time of ransacking the treasury, the middle class will be poor and the greedy rich will be even richer.

We see deceivers at work, where they don't do anything and always have an excuse. The rest of us have to get their work done for them. Or do we?

We specially see deceivers in a relationship, where they play the odds that some people will believe them as they spin their webs of deceit to trap the trusting. Deceivers need prey to live off.

Even though we are all susceptible, and we live amongst them, we don't have to play the deceiver's game. We can counterplay with our own: keep reading...

- © 2009 by Willy

War Game... not!

In the 1980s I was sooo tired of fighting difficult people at work, a domineering mother, preteen kids I was raising alone, a crazy ex-wife and a pain-in-the-butt significant other, that I began my dissertation based upon an article and collaborative experiment at Scientific American magazine. It was on the opposite of War Games. The magazine asked readers to submit their solutions to a one-on-one transaction problem that gave points to benefit societal win-win cooperation. Geek readers submitted all kinds of complex and esoteric solutions but the one that won was simple, and the field of Game Theory was blessed with Nice, Clear, Procable and Forgiving.

This one-on-one transaction scenario, the cooperative version of what is unfortunately called The Prisoner's Dilemma, deals with an exchange between two entities. For example, as when buying an item over the internet, three outcomes are possible. Hopefully the buyer gives his credit card information and the seller sends buyer the requested item, in which case both win, and both buyer and seller get two points each. The second possible outcome is where the buyer sends credit card information but the seller does not send the item, therefore the seller wins three points and the buyer zero. The third possible outcome is where the buyer sends a fraudulent payment but the seller sends the item, and the buyer wins three points and the seller gets zero. Seem familiar?

Key is that, overall, a win-win nets more total points to society than that of the other two outcomes, and that there is a clearly demarcated start and end to the transaction, which is iterated multiple times.

The solution was to be Nice, Clear, Provocable and Forgiving...

   - Nice: My entity starts "nice" (whether buying or selling) in the first transaction, trusting... the honeymoon.

   - Clear: Both entities are aware of (but don't have to agree to) this solution/rules.

   - Provocable: When either buyer or seller screws the other, at the next transaction the loser screws the winner.

   - Forgiving: Then everything is forgiven, with no rancor and no grudge held, to start fresh at the following transaction.

Such a simple and naive set of rules couldn't possible win, you say? It did, over a Kalman Filter based Estimation Theory solution and every other engineer/scientist's submission, which were numerous.

When I used it, what it did was to regiment or train me to follow a wining procedure... sort of like dog obedience classes actually train the owner, not the dog.

When used, this solution works great in dating, but, unfortunately, this one-on-one format does not conform well to marriage, since marriage does not have individual transactions with clearly demarcated start and end, but is a continuous form. It also works good with acquaintances, friends and family. The work situation is mixed, not one-on-one, so only part of the work environment benefits from using this solution.

Since formulated, this solution has spread like wildfire in the interested technical and psychological communities, with extensions attempted for one-on-many couplings, blurred start/ends, and other interesting situations.

This solution worked for me before, and I now need it again, so I've brought out my figurative brass knuckles.

- © 2009 by Willy