Adjusting My Mind

I have always been physically tough, but not so much emotionally. My daughter figured me out. Earlier this year, she stated it: I live like a monk for five or ten years, then date and get hurt and go back to another five or ten years of living like a monk.

Body and mind are a package. When the mind is broken, the body suffers.

My daughter is right... I am no good at romantic relationships, but I have many good friends instead. Hopefully, old friends don't play cruel singles games. I could write a book but TV has captured them... like the one that went and screwed an old boyfriend and came back and bragged to me about it. Purely a daytime TV soap.

I'm no angel. Nobody's perfect and we all have baggage, but at least let's not associate with devils. Let's leave the poisonous snakes alone.

I've been adjusting my thinking to control my passions. I keep it inside my pants. I hug friends but do not cop a feel. This adjustment is kind of like the chiropractor does... cracks the bones of my mind.

I don't have to wade through bull to find what an old friend's problems are... I just have to accept and accommodate. I've seen my friends when they are a mess due to divorce, sickness, birth or circumstances. Most of us have some degree of neurosis, psychosis, schizophrenia and bipolar/mania/depression. However, I am blessed with kind friends, and I like them... otherwise we wouldn't be friends. The question of whether they can be tolerated is made easy by the fact that I'm not living with them. And, my tolerance to anger has been zero: bitch me out once and it's goodbye forever, so my current friends have passed through some sieve already.

I've worked at this and feel like I've got it but I proceed cautiously. I want good quality for the rest of my years. Adjusting my mind will take care of my body, so I can train.



-copyright 2014 by Willy

Out Of What Box?

I like myself, and I like my world.

I'm getting too experienced to do things much differently. I've honed my activities and procedures throughout the years into something that works for me.

For instance, I do not speed... I usually drive slower than the speed limit, unless I'm on the Interstate... and I've been like that since I bought my Vette in '73. Back then, one of the gals at work said "Some old guy was driving your new car!" and I answered "It was me!"

I've got to be me.

I'm good to the core and am also trainable, to some extent, but don't bullstuff me. Some other way may not work for me, and vice-versa. Tell me what you want, but don't tell me how to do it.

When bicycling or hiking, my second and third layers are zippered so as to better control body temperature and evaporation... and I use a convenient water bladder rather than bottles, food bars rather than meals.

Also, if somebody is mean in any way, I disconnect... whether it's a work association, a friendship or a relationship. All it takes is one bitching out or one sleazy action. Life is too short to put up with those people. There are plenty of nice people out there, and solitude is an excellent option.

As it is, every day brings something different to me. My daily prayer is for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Theme and variation.

Actually, we all follow the theme and variation concept. I can accommodate and adapt, to an extent, but Popeye said "I am what I am and that's all that I am." And they say that you can't teach a pig to sing because it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

I also believe we must treat people nicely, because of Karma... you reap what you sow. It's best to either accept or give up the pig... whether its them or me.

This pig likes a regimented and disciplined life, with variations. Yesterday it was carpet shampooing and weightlifting. Today it's gym cardio and office cleanup. Tomorrow is hiking and dinner out.


My workouts follow the theme and variation concept... a different one every day that include many different types of cardio, lifting, flexibility and relaxation.

It's natural.

Nature invented the theme and variation concept. Sundown always follows sunrise but there may be rain, heat or cold to accept. If you don't like it... tough. Nature sets the rhythm.


- copyright 2014 by Willy.

What's Missing?

Cardio afternoons at the gym begin on the elliptic, with load and ramp at medium. The mp3 plays on and breathing and pace match the audio, which increases in tempo. I warm up, struggling and fighting the machine until something magic happens... it all comes together... I relax, my shoulders drop, everything synchronizes and the struggle is no more. I then increase the load and ramp to up the heartbeat and maintain the effort. I smile. As long as I relax and maintain that magic meditative state, the effort is easy. I keep this up for a couple of hours.

The same is true in life. After the preparation but in the various struggles, there comes a time to meditate and expect that magic moment... the inspiration. I understand what the other wants and I accept it. Everything synchronizes and I smile. Life is good.

Try it... find that magic moment for yourself... find what's missing.



- text © 2013 by Willy

It's The Attitude

The classic punch line is "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere..." after you're handed a pile of manure.

That's the attitude!

Whether it is at work or home, a good attitude and positive outlook is key in living a happy life.

I just got back last week to normal cardio after three months of downtime due to hurting a knee in yoga... another stinkin' injury. Three months of boring swimming and vastly reduced caloric intake made me look forward to recovery. Out of that I developed stronger shoulder girdle muscles, and I am now enjoying the Fall leaves on my hikes... more so than ever.

I had a bad relationship years ago that almost took me over the edge... she stunk and she gave me shit. I realized that I was lucky to be rid of such a hindrance. The albatross around my neck gone, I have become much more active and happy.

Same is true at work. For the last year I have been the subject of an investigation after false accusations for which I just got cleared of charges. However, I am being relieved of that responsibility anyway, which stinks like manure. "Don't throw me in that briar patch, Mr. Bear," I told the director. I was much too busy and stressed, and will enjoy the reduced workload.

I've looked and found three ponies out of three piles of manure handed to me. I feel blessed.

- © 2012 by Willy

Working Vacation

I am helping my daughter with her two-month-old son this week, as she starts work. I was supposed to be the third-shift bottle feeder so that she can sleep, but grandson slept through the entire night last night... for the first time. So, this is going to be easy.

I fixed, cleaned and installed (I don't idle well) and went bicycling. Since I about ran out of things to do already, I realize that I am going to have a relaxing vacation.

I did not rent a car this time. During the day, besides resting, I am either out on her bike (sometimes running errands) or walking the neighborhood... having fun.

This is a really good and relaxing vacation.

- copyright 2012 by Willy

Appreciation

I like it here. I came from a third-world country, and appreciate what we have here. I've been around and this country is the best there is.

Like me, there are many Americans that reflect an uplifting version of democracy. Of hope and trust in our system... that is not shared by others.

Most of us believe in our careers and our work because the job fulfills us and gives us a reason to live. We believe we may actually do some good, whereas others can't wait for early retirement.

Most of us stand tall in front of flag for the singing of The Star Spangled Banner at game or graduation. Others walk around during the moment.

Others don't seem to like their life and disrespect their country, which is their loss. There is always going to be some discontent, and most of us accept that. God help us all.


- text © 2012 by Willy

P.S., A good attitude is healthy.

Rules for Nature

I'm an aged and seasoned adventurer. In my view, when you go out hiking and mountain biking, you are on Mother Nature's turf... her house, not ours... and thus there are rules of behavior to be followed by guests.

Pay attention and be nice to people, flora and fauna.

Stay on the trails. You do less damage to nature. And, if you get lost, rescue can find you. If you don't know your trails well, carry a map or GPS with you and/or an experienced person to teach you. Nobody wants to spend his time rescuing an idiot.

Snakes, spiders and bugs live there. It's their home, not yours... you're merely visiting. You're going to get bitten and stung. If you want to do something about it, DEET may work, but otherwise just accept it. Don't like spider webs? If you don't want to wave a stick in front of you for hours (and I don't), just accept that you're going to get a nasty bite every now and then. Snakes usually scurry off, but pay attention and be patient, especially if you're going fast. If you're in bear or moose country, pay even more attention and follow encounter procedure.

Other people share the trail with you. The ascending hiker has the right of way over the descending hiker. Note this: The rule is that hikers have the right of way over a bike, but a fast coming bicycle has more momentum, does not see well, can't hear and has less agility than a hiker... so be smart if you're the hiker and step off the trail to let the bike pass. If you stop for a break, get off the trail and take the bike with you, because you're not the only one there. If you do a #1 or, especially, a #2, get well off the trail.

Say hello, wave or tip your head to other hikers or bikers. I'll be one of them. Stick your head in the park office every now and then to say howdy, and appreciate what the rangers do.

If you see an obstacle, move it off or cut it back off the trail, if you can. Manicuring the trail is everybody's responsibility.

Introduce new people to the trails gradually and slowly, make sure they bring water and snacks, and take lots of breaks. Of course, you could impress them by showing off that you can hike 10 miles no-sweat, but they'll never come back.

If you multi-day backpack or bike, pack well to bring your own everything... be as independent as if you were solo. Use a checklist (besides the DEET, mine includes duct tape around my hiking pole). Do not depend on others in your party to take care of you.

Don't like this? Then stay in the city. These are my opinions, for your consideration. Be considerate. To some, a trail is just a trail but to me it's my back yard. Hope you enjoy it.

Don't forget to smile!


- © 2012 by Willy

On Solitude

There is no one waiting by the green light at the end of Daisy's dock, and there will never be. I have a very comfortable solitary life elsewhere, and I like it this way.

There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness... a matter of choice. Loneliness is depression, whereas choosing solitude is enjoyment... for time at work, bicycles, mountains and gyms with a better sense, clearer mind and healthier body. I sleep better, see more, feel better and enjoy life.

I have analyzed my ex-wife and my other relationships. I now realized that I am blessed not to be encumbered by them. I have no albatross around my neck... and want none ever more.

I used to think that it was a tradeoff, a balance between joys and sorrows, but I now realize that there was only short-term joy and long-term sorrow.

The monks are correct in their solitude, however, even THEY pledge obedience to their abbot... the head monk. No way!


- © 2012 by Willy

P.S., No way!

The Best Sweat

There came a time during an elliptic gym workout when it did no good to towel my face dry of sweat... more was immediately generated. Then the same was true when climbing steep trails. Now, especially, in Hot Yoga class... I just leave the sweat.

There also came a time when sweaty people looked better... more accomplished maybe; tougher; or perhaps birds of similar feather. Sweaty faces are the best looking. As they say, the best kind of sweat is the kind dripping from your face.

Finally, my office temperature felt cold enough for me to open a window, since I do not control the wing's thermostat... nor do I want to... and my office neighbors said that I was creating tornados at my door. I noticed that I only use my home air conditioner to sleep... and the heater is seldom used, period.

Then I got my epiphany: it's not just the sweat. I realized that I'd rather accept most situations, and be happy. And admire others who do the same.

It dawned on me that I am not sweating life. That life is no sweat. Life has become easy. This is, by far, the best sweat.

- text © 2012 by Willy

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?

To me, there is no doubt that this statement itself is a strong and healing antidepressant.

But is it right? Like everything black-and-white, the answer is usually a shade of gray. There are many things that are not readily apparent but eventually kill. Physical and mental illness are not immediate like a car wreck, but in time can result the same.

In hindsight, what made me stronger was simple, heartfelt affection, a sweet word, a tender touch, a kindness... some people made it better. What keeps it better is that other people walked out and did no further harm. Continued and sustained drama and depression almost got me. So, one of my goals is to outlive the itches and astards. I figured it out: What it took to make me stronger was people's kindness but what keeps me strong is giving up people... and embracing solitude.

That was the decision of my life... it seems so simple now... to live a rich life but veer away from those that can kill you. I decided for life..

- © 2012 by Willy

Aging is Healthier

First, I've stated earlier that us old farts have an advantage: We live simpler lives... with no kids, spouse, mother-in-law, school, mortgage, drama or worries. This gives us more time, flexibility and focus. Thus we are happier, enjoy ourselves and train more... a clear advantage over youth.

Two: Harvard researchers have stated that optimistic people... people with a better mood, a better sense of well-being... tend to have healthier blood pressure, cholesterol and weight than pessimists, and less heart disease. When you're happier, you take better care of yourself.

Three: Author and celebrity Doctor Mehmet Oz says that there are no limits on what the human body can do except what we put on them. We don't think as quickly but are more clever. It's not just wisdom but how much we want to win. The secret is wanting it more. We become happiest at our fifth and sixth decades because it all comes together, it begins to make sense, of what life's about. Oz's prescription: Do daily rigorous activity, eat real food, and give your heart a reason to keep beating… a desire.

It IS really all in the attitude... happiness, acceptance and satisfaction leading to a desire to live.

- © 2012 by Willy

A Clear Advantage

"You do well for a young person." I paid a compliment this morning at the gym to a young lady for her tenaciousness. Us old farts have an advantage: we live simpler lives... with no kids, spouse, mother-in-law, school, mortgage, drama or worries. This gives us more time, flexibility and focus. Thus we are happier, enjoy ourselves and train more... a clear advantage over youth.

The key is to keep it simple. I have good friends and a mostly good family. In the past, I've tried to help people but have repeatedly ended up crossing the line and being instead a co-dependent or enabler. Since I have this problem, I decided to give up relationships. The Serenity Prayer is key. I've learned not to hold them but to fold them... and to get out of the game. I've been lucky to be able to carry through my plan: Without sticky dependents... and their drama... life is easier. I listened: My father guides me with a soft hand and an easy touch.

- © 2012 by Willy

Sing Song

"Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go..."

I've been hearing that refrain all day, perhaps due to my noticing of tomorrow's play of the 1956 Elvis movie on the tube. I whistled it continuously during my long Thanksgiving day before-dinner hike today.

When I was a kid... before Elvis... my mother sang a fairly similar lullaby. I felt very cuddled in hearing it. In turn, I hummed this Elvis tune to my kids to relax them at bedtime. Not only that, but I still self-medicate to this ditty. Lullabies are meant to function just so, and work amazingly well.

I'm in the midst of some turmoil: A nutty young punk threatened to beat me up and has evoked memories of early school bullies. I've been sleeping with a shotgun, and Elvis calms me down.

Or perhaps I was hearing God's lullaby.

Prayers can be the darnest things... whistling a lullaby!

More conventional: "For exercise to calm the body and prayer to calm the mind, I am truly thankful, amen."

It's best to accept the situation, prepare for a possible eventuality, and go through channels... calmly.


- non-Elvis text © 2011 by Willy

No More Drama

There are always people out there with a screw loose. I used to think that with a big enough screwdriver, I could fix 'em. But, no, I've had enough in life already. It's time to avoid them when possible. Yes, I may have to accept them to some degree when it is not possible to avoid them. It's a decision to be made and I'm now clued in... I figured it out: It's not a yes or no, not black or white, not diet or exercise, not machines or people... I like the right kind of people. Just like getting the right kind of car. It's a shade of gray. And this acceptance makes for good mental health, albeit it being conditional or partial acceptance.

- text © 2011 by Willy

P.S., no, I will never own an Italian car either.

What Makes Us?

"Pressure Makes Us." - Nike ad, World Cup. Is that it? Life philosophy in three words? What about time to enjoy family, friends, a pretty sunset and other?

As a very young man, I had pressure to excel and get the heck out of my bad family situation. Pressure did make me, and I have significantly contributed to technology... and still do. I had ideas as a young man and attempted many, with mixed results. Not having a baseline to compare to, I do not know what kind of unpressured man I would have turned out to be otherwise. The difference from then to now is that lately I have seen more opportunity, have more means and more capability... but take less risk. I suspect that I finally learned what pressure and pain are and thus have modified my endeavors, i.e., I've gotten tired of my head being in a vise. I am more afraid of some things but fearless in others: afraid of intimate relationships but fearless in adventure, whether physical or technical.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and I realized that relationships can kill me.

In summary, and in hindsight, I liked the pressure that made me. Family was a mixed bag and I did a better job of picking my friends, most of which I do still enjoy. I am awed by every sunset that I see, but I enjoy them better when I am by myself. Pressure made me what I am, and I am solo.

So, yes, "Pressure Makes Us," and it IS a life philosophy in three words.

- © 2011 by Willy

Did Watson Really Win?

So, "Watson," the IBM mainframe with artificial intelligence won at Jeopardy against the two best human opponents. It also thought Toronto was a "US City" (the category) and got every question wrong on "Month," a five-in-twelve guess! IBM will surely tout it as a PR win, but it was a dreadful performance for 25 scientists, four years of hard work and a mega-million bucks. Watson should have answered every question right, and first. I have a sneaky suspicion that, given a learning curve, the two humans could have beaten Watson, but that would not have been good PR.

Why did Watson do so badly?

The engineer would say that you're always one transistor away from failure. The athlete that he's one injury away from a loss. The old that he's one sickness away from bankruptcy. Algorithm guys should say they are one human away from being human. Humans think conceptually, whereas machines exhaust logic trees by brute force. Deep Blue beat Kasparov but Eliza is awful. Machines are profoundly ignorant of what humans take for granted. There's a lot of stuff we know that we don't even know we know.

Watson did badly because our AI algorithms just aren't there yet.

Should we worry about our own idiocy instead? What about our own human thinking, which only works when void of emotion? Should we work on our mental health instead of developing artificial intelligence?

Further, Watson really did not play against two humans... rather, Watson and the two humans played Jeopardy, with little interaction. The devil is in the interaction. For instance, even if we hold out for perfection, it may be that perfection is holding out for perfection too... and not us. And we may not recognize perfection even if it whacked us in the head.

One final point: There's a lot of difference between losing and being a loser. The two Jeopardy humans are not losers, and neither should we call ourselves that. Imperfect works just fine, and it's human. Perfection is God's business. We should be proud of being human... accepting, embracing it and applauding it.

We don't yet have to worry about machines taking over the world... no Terminator scenario yet... but Watson did well for a four-year-old toddler.

- text © 2011 by Willy

My Wives

Daughter Jennifer did not like her from square one, when Aussie, my GPS, kept saying "make a u-turn" but I kept going forward. "Make a u-turn." I just laughed, first at Aussie and then at Jennifer's frustration. I said "she's just like a wife."
"Make a u-turn," Aussie insisted.

Jennifer and I... and Aussie... were driving down to meet my retired, close, cousin at a west Florida beach for a family reunion Christmas tradition. As we got closer to our unfamiliar destination, I followed Aussie's instructions. Aussie took us down through downtown Tampa, traffic light upon traffic light, then back up north to the beaches. Jennifer looked up at me and remarked "she's your wife!"

Aussie is one of my wife-substitutes, just like Jan is my massage wife-substitute, Monica my housekeeper, Mary my doctor, Anna keeps me on diet, Kirstin and Karen for spinning and yoga fitness training, and so on. I need them and depend on them, as well as my work helpers and my buddies, to get through life. Some times I do what they say, but not always... just like with a real wife, sometimes I AM smarter than my wife.

These are all dependent relationships. They may be business or social, and may have brotherly love or kindness. Obviously there is no romance, otherwise they wouldn't last, since I am no good at romantic relationships and relish the calmness of solitude at home. No delusions, and no problems, either. Some of these relationships date back a lifetime... much longer than my real marriage... probably because I got to go home.

I do what I can with what I've got... but I've got plenty of help. Thank God for them. And thanks to my Godsends.

"Recalculating."



- © 2010 by Willy

Can't Do Solitude

Engineers are antisocial creatures that would much prefer to work behind a locked door, occasionally getting fed. They are different from others in that they excel in solitude. But, like perfection, solitude is just not attainable. In addition, it's been shown that solitude is not healthy. There is happiness in community, and even Trappist monks have community. Can't stop the world and get off.

For example, one engineer who struggled with this issue his whole life finally retired to a cabin in the remotest Yukon. Year in and year out, he relished his newfound solitude. One day he hears a pounding knock, opens his door and is amazed to find a character at his doorstep.


The burly guy says "Hi, I'm your next-door neighbor, 30 miles south, here to invite you to a welcoming party this Saturday night."



There is a sled outside and his dogs are barking.

After a long pause, the incredulous engineer finally says "Welcoming party? Out here?"

"Yep" says the character.

"With people?"

"Yep."

"With music?"

"Yep."

"With drinking?"

"Yep."

"And carousing?"

"Yep."

"And sex?"

"Yep."

"How many do you expect?"

"Just you and me."





- © 2010 by Willy

P.S. Solitude is a choice. Loneliness is not.

To Some Degree

People are not good or bad, not black or white, but shades of grey and hues of colors. We are all different, and we don't all think alike, but there's more to it than that. It seems to me that we all may have some amount of mental illness, i.e., we're all a little crazy. Specifically, it seems to me that the recipee for a good engineer scientist is equal parts smarts, anti-social, Asperger's, OCD and ADD/hyperactivity... or otherwise they wouldn't be good engineers.

Every good male engineer or scientist I've known had some degree of emotional issue and came unequipped to cope. The nerdy, geeky engineer's only saving grace was that he made a good living. Unfortunately, that drew the wrong girls. The engineer then got distracted by relationship and subsequent marriage and lost his edge, therefore losing his career, his marriage, his assets and his mind. The girl that understood did quite well, considering marriage a profitable business arrangement with a long time-constant. The engineer was not interested and didn't understand the expectation, time sequence nor duration and repeated the process a few times in his lifetime, bumping into love, when he should have instead understood what he is... good technically but incapable of social interaction nor romantic love. Read Einstein's life (or the many others). And, yes, me too.

The young engineer that understands early on, and does not succumb, has an tremendous, fulfilling career of significant contribution and great mental health. The engineer that understands in mid-life does contribute, to some limited extent, and finds calmness in life with the help and brotherly love of friends. The ones that never get it just waste their lives.

It would be like a tall thin kid trying to wrestle, or a powerlifter trying track. It just don't work. Gotta use your given talents.

- © 2010 by Willy

Outdated or Wiser?

The same things are true in life as in fitness and in faith.

Fall color is here and leaves are carpeting our trails. Fall comes and fall will go, just as sure as the sun will return tomorrow morning. But we learn more each year. This year I discovered ruins just beside my favorite hiking trail.

I am a 60-year-old engineer and am outdated in many things, but not The Big Picture. Yes, kids know eye-opening computer tricks and give me six significant digits of accuracy but oftentimes they get the first digit wrong... that is, they went the wrong way. Can't argue about results based on experience. We know that kids come and kids get old and go, and we all learn from each other.

The AIG/bank/wallstreet/auto bailout came a couple of decades after the Savings and Loan debacle. The economy is a shambles and we don't have the power to fix it, so we wring our hands until we remember that this, too, shall pass. It happened before and it will happen again. I have faith that as liberals come then liberals too will go. The tide comes in and the tide goes out. It ebbs and flows. Are the politicians protecting worthless bank assets incompetent or just crooks? Yes, and then they go, and we relearn not to trust them, or the banks.

We will discover the motivation to embark upon a good fitness plan... then receive an overuse injury or accident, and we stop to heal, and start all over again. Only this time we will risk less to overuse and pick where we ride.

We're living the good life and divorce happens and life gets sour. And life ebbs and flows again later. We get mad at God and then, in His time, we go back, wiser, and learn not to enter another relationship like that.

In my business, the cannon is as outdated as the slide rule, and so is the canon... all of the canons... because the truth is that nothing stays the same.

Life ebbs and flows, and there's much comfort and tranquility in knowing that, and accepting it.


- © 2010 by Willy