Old Friends

Old friend Amanda and I were having coffee yesterday, discussing various old age topics.

"I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody." I said.

"Well, it's too late for that!" she said.

"Haaa jaaa heee jeeeee!" we both roared, and kept on going like this for an hour or two.



Time flies, and regular coffee meetings with various old friends has become commonplace and very much something to look forward to. I'm sure we discuss the same topics, maybe even use the same jokes, and we always have fun. They are like a ray of sunshine.

And as healthy as regular cardio.


- © 2013 by Willy

What Makes Us?

"Pressure Makes Us." - Nike ad, World Cup. Is that it? Life philosophy in three words? What about time to enjoy family, friends, a pretty sunset and other?

As a very young man, I had pressure to excel and get the heck out of my bad family situation. Pressure did make me, and I have significantly contributed to technology... and still do. I had ideas as a young man and attempted many, with mixed results. Not having a baseline to compare to, I do not know what kind of unpressured man I would have turned out to be otherwise. The difference from then to now is that lately I have seen more opportunity, have more means and more capability... but take less risk. I suspect that I finally learned what pressure and pain are and thus have modified my endeavors, i.e., I've gotten tired of my head being in a vise. I am more afraid of some things but fearless in others: afraid of intimate relationships but fearless in adventure, whether physical or technical.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and I realized that relationships can kill me.

In summary, and in hindsight, I liked the pressure that made me. Family was a mixed bag and I did a better job of picking my friends, most of which I do still enjoy. I am awed by every sunset that I see, but I enjoy them better when I am by myself. Pressure made me what I am, and I am solo.

So, yes, "Pressure Makes Us," and it IS a life philosophy in three words.

- © 2011 by Willy

Relationship Shelf Life

My daughter flew home for Christmas and we drove to a family reunion afterwards in Florida. As captives for a week, we did some talking, and agreed on one point:


Relationships have a shelf life. They go bad, like eggs.

Now, let me state that I respect everyone who has been married for eons, and you are the refreshing exception, but statistics and experience shows the rule is that romantic relationships are difficult to maintain.

My history shows that my relationships shelf life has shrunk as I've aged. My marriage lasted ten years but I just don't have the umpf any more to put up with characters on a daily version... and neither does anybody else. The exception is for buddies that, obviously, only see each other on occasion instead of every blessed night.

How long is the shelf life?

Depends on the relationship. Just like fine wine ages forever (the exception), and chicken has to be consumed soon, relationships can last from soon to forever... but the mean seems to be closer to the soon rather than to the forever. Even refrigerated. Check the label.

To love and friendships.

- © 2010 by Willy

P.S., Love and relationships do not always correlate, i.e., to me, love may indeed be forever, unlike its associated relationship.

Between Heaven and Earth

There are acquaintances, there are friends, and there are buddies.


I'm in the process of helping buddy Delia move to her new condo, little by little. A recent widow, she has no children and one nephew... but she has me, Jane and young David. Delia is doing better after having both knees replaced and losing 40 pounds, but she's old, has fallen, and is having some concerns. She did order a hospital bed to her new condo, though. I'm glad she's still around... she's a grand dame and I enjoy an intelligent conversation. I've only known her a dozen years but she feels like an old buddy. Somebody took a picture of me and Delia snoring in a pew at a Prague church, so, we've slept together. A relationship, for sure.


I'm a big guy, but next to my buddy Dallas I look small. I've been working out with young Dallas for 18 years at four gyms, and... still... aspire to get huge like him. He's a nice guy too, not a 'roid rage lunkhead like other big guys. No, I do not need a skinny workout partner to look bigger. Dallas and I have had our arguments... a readhead came between us once... but we're buddies. Another relationship.

I've gone on adventure vacations with others of both sexes and a variety of age differences... I pick up old Roger this Saturday to hike the Smokies and young Diane will spend her weekend housesitting (we've gone vacationing together too) to feed and observe my wild animals. My blessings include uniquely kind-hearted Jennifer W, positively terrific Heidi, patient tutor Phil, delightful daughter Jennifer, reliable Jim, as well as many others.

I've got many strong relationships, but no romantic ones... intentionally. Friends and buddies are all the relationships I need, and all I can handle.

My buddies keep me between heaven and earth. They are the angels without which I would not enjoy life. Thanks, buddies.


- © 2009 by Willy

I Strayed

I have some wonderful friends.

I've had a support system for many years. For thirtysome years I've had the same mentors. For twentyfive years I've used a dry cleaner. For twentyone the same lady has cleaned my home. For seventeen I've lifted with the same trainer. For the last dozen years I've seen the same massage therapist. For the last ten the same fellow has cut my grass.

The same is true for other friendships at work, gym and elsewhere. I maintain close contact with many friends, meeting over coffee, bicycling, hiking or just visiting. These are strong bond friendships, which have lasted me far, far longer than any intimate relationship or marriage... and about as long as my oldest machine. I've continued to be blessed by receiving wonderful new empathetic, caregiving friends.

I've been no island. I do need others. I am not really as independent as I fantasize, nor as afraid of people as I thought.

Unfortunately, having the typical "guy independence" has backfired... I just hurt a friend's feelings because I did not ask her to help. It felt like I was being unfaithful to my wife (oh, well... another guy screws up again). I've got to say "Yes," and make it a resolution to ask for and accept help, accept compliments and accept whatever others offer to give me. I'm not the only giver.

- © 2009 by Willy

Fright Night

My support group's moderator had an election night party last week, which, following that close to Halloween, was dubbed the Fright Night.

I am not a party person, but I looked forward to it and went. I was not surprised to find a huge variety of very entertaining people who were fighting or had fought some devil within. This is my second foray with this group... the first a dozen years ago... so I knew these folk and it was definitely not expected to be a meat market.

It's been obvious to me that I will continue to meet with this group, long term. Just like I understand the good in my core values, I also admit to my inability to deal with many people and the periodic conflict inherent there... for life. I accept myself unconditionally, where I am.

I am not unique, but just part of the population. Although I have cousins blessed with long and rewarding marriages, there are also those like me... that have escaped the surly bonds of endearment. What makes the difference is the same traits, philosophy and perhaps subjectiveness as to Why We're Here.

Cousin Carlos... saint Carlos... was able to deal with my mother in a way I could not. On the other hand, cousin Alberto was good to me but terrible with his own son and daughter.

I love good people but can't tolerate fools. In between these extremes is my problem. I'll never figure out people but I can live among them to a limited amount. I will continue to learn as a necessity and as a curiosity. People are now under my microscope.

- © 2008 by Willy
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How Happy Am I?

I don't expect much and am pleasantly surprised when that's exceeded... which is often. Looking at life with a positive attitude but a low expectation does yield the necessary happiness which is the basis of life. I do get the nice smile, the kind word and even the long hug.

I discovered that my best friends are myself and God. They don't disappoint me or shit on me like relationships end up doing. That doesn't mean an exclusion to other friends. Indeed, those hugs have to come from somewhere!

It's not that I expect everybody to be perfect, but what I'm finding is that the minute there's intimacy, then the criticism and demands start, and I'm just tired of it. All intimate relationships do seems to follow the same course, which is initial exuberance followed by disappointment and finally termination depression. My plan is to balance... to continue to have my friends but not do intimacy. Also, family is good, but some are better than others, actually, some are way better than others, just like friends... some contribute.

Friends, lovers... and family... come and go. Treasure a long, stable, healthy friendship and/or family relationship if you have them.

Low expectations works!

- © 2008 by Willy

P.S., and a hug to you too.

Change The World...

... from the inside and from the bottom!

Some old people take a devil-may-care attitude in their later years and go for the chocolate. I've taken that tact in a different way. Instead of indulgences, it's been activity.

From youth, I was a bookworm and a tinkerer, like any engineer. Due to my hyperactivity, I've had no problem reaching my professional pinnacle. I am respected for my organizational and technical abilities, have a great boss and am in high demand. I wear 5 hats and have dozens of helpers. I mentor those helpers because they will inherit my job sometime.

At 40 I began physical activity... a new parallel sideline... transforming myself into the physical. Ten years ago I won a benchpressing trophy, and I have the current record for my gym (all ages!) and enjoy pressing with the youth, motivating them and encouraging them. I train, hike and bike more now than I ever did. I hike 8 to 12 mountain miles every weekend. This year have two Smokeys hikes (I did a 6-hour 8-mile straight up hike to LeConte in 4-hours two weekends ago), a Rockeys hike next month and a rim-to-rim Grand Canyon hike in September. I do this because I enjoy nature... scenery, wildflowers and birds. I continue bicycle commuting to work daily (when I can), and ride a 35-55 miler on the weekends, with the goal to bicycle back from the beach (400 miles) this fall... just because I enjoy the wind in my hair. I'm very vocal and active in promoting bicycling to work, having taken part in news stories, videos and newspaper articles. I'm don't train specific but am a unusual generalist with muscles and cardio ability both. I'm proud and smug in my physical prowess... whereas my ex-wife just entered a nursing home, and my peers have trouble with the stairs, I smile instead and suggest an active lifestyple with my example.

My real work is that of a mentor, teacher, and kindness distributor... enabling others. At my job, I call myself The Roto-Rooter Man and have a plunger in my office as a symbol to help make things flow again. I spend a considerable amount of time and money to do this. I'm the vice-chair of the Industrial Advisory Committee for one of the local colleges. I taught 20 years in the evenings, to good reviews. I buy dozens of birthday cakes a year for work and elsewhere, and actively look for possibilities not just to help but to teach 'em to fish. After all, I'm a co-dependent, and I am what I am.

I disagree that happiness is a good relationship. Nor the usual FFF (Friends, Fun, Food) nor PPP (Possessions, Power, Prestige). To me life and happiness is first contributing... from the bottom up... and then being content and proud of what you are and what you have done. I have an enormous amount of power to change the world from the inside and from the bottom, and I'm doing so with very few people noticing.

- text © 2008 by Willy

P.S., How do you change the world? One small act of kindness at a time.

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Ode to mentor

I just buried my friend Bob. He lived to be 72 but had diabetes, and I was surprised that he lasted this long. Bob was a technical tutor or mentor to me and other young men for thirtysome years.

On the other hand, he had his buddies too. His lunchtime bridge games were comical and entertaining. It took 8 pall bearers because 5 were his age. I felt I was carrying the entire thing, quite the honor.

Bob had one note on a wall: "Lack of planning on your part does not make it an emergency on my part." I now have the same on my own wall.

He used to tell us to be tough and smart enough so that others don't take you or your work for granted.

Bob was as jovial as they come. If he wasn't in his office, I just listened for his laughter to find him.

Goodbye, Bob. I miss you.

-© 2008 by Willy

P.S. This was certainly closure. A mental exercise or simulation of which tremendously helped with my ex's relationship closure. This is a mental picture and technique to store in my toolbox.

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Touchstones

I have a few Touchstones or constants in my life. One is me... me, my soul and my God will be with myself until I die and afterwards. Another are possessions like my 1973 Corvette, my 1971 Schwinn 10-speed and my books. A third Touchstone are my buddies and my family, not including relationships and marriages.

The Vette I ordered from the factory in Fall of 1972 and after gestation (came in 7 months later), I called it my firstborn. It's an object, but it's been there forever to the point that it's part of me. Selling it would be like cutting off a finger, same for the Schwinn. And books I've read and reread are old friends.

Touchstones make me feel comfortable. Touchstones give continuity and let me gauge both how far I've progressed, and how true I've stayed to my roots. These measurements are important functions for my mental health. I am definitely an engineer.

The two worse feelings I've had are going through my divorce in 1982 and when my fiance left me this year... but I had my Touchstones to keep me company.

In 1982 I took Vette and the clothes on my back, and started a new life doing different work in a different city nearby. Some of my buddies did not side with me due to poisoning from my ex wife. I quickly returned to town to bring up the kids when raising them became too much trouble for the ex. The poisoned individuals softened due to this and when they recognized the ex was certifiably crazy (she got social security disability). Some of these people are now part of my Touchstones again.

This year I stayed at home and work but did again lose some buddies due to the same poisoning by my ex fiance. As in 1982, the poisoned friends deserve my ex, and I truly hope they gag on her. Like in '82, some will eventually see The Truth, but I really don't care... I have my Touchstones. My family and true buddies know me well and saw through the lies, supported me and have helped both times around... although pills and psychologist were definitely needed this time and saved my life.

I went to visit the family elderly recently... which I do every year or two (have to go Touch the Stones, you know) and had the usual good time with my last elderly aunt, in a nursing home and having trouble walking. She has been downsizing for years and giving me family pictures, and now some history and stories which I taped and made into Touchstones.

I've got some new Touchstones from my latest friends. I had lunch with Charlie most days, for years and years, but he died of a heart attack in his sleep a few months back, a young man. I inherited some of Charlie's books, his kindness, and a lot of his work... and delight in knowing I do indeed have some of his own Touchstones. My good friend and mentor Walt, who is about to retire this month at age 73, taught me to be methodical, thorough and intolerant of fools... and recently gave me his Bode Slide Rule.

As I mentioned in a previous blog article, I am a melting pot of people I've met, and am proud of having their Touchstones in mind and shelf. I've seen my friends, and they are I.

-©2007 by Willy
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The Right Turn In My Life

During the recent trauma associated with the termination of my recent 5-year love affair, I swore to God that I am never, ever, going to be caught in that predicament again... the pain was unbearable. That was the end of THAT kind of relationship! I just am not going to allow myself to fall head-over-heals in love, give my heart, nor share my life. I've got to stay sane while I'm still around.

Many years ago, after my divorce, I said something about not getting married again, so I guess I had shot cupid and did not realize it.

My good friend David tells me that he is sure that I will fall in love again. I agreed with him, but also remarked that this time I'm not going to tell her, nor will I pursue that relationship... it's going to be my little secret.

And my definition of love has changed forever... I love people who do their work responsibly, who are kind and helpful to others, who trust, contribute, and respect. Who have a good positive attitude, and who are complimentary. I love people who enjoy life, who found their calling, and who work their mission here. And who do the right thing no matter what.

I love people who love others in that way, and want to develop more friends like that and deeper friendships... but I will not lust after them, live with them nor marry them.

-©2007 by Willy
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