To Some Degree

People are not good or bad, not black or white, but shades of grey and hues of colors. We are all different, and we don't all think alike, but there's more to it than that. It seems to me that we all may have some amount of mental illness, i.e., we're all a little crazy. Specifically, it seems to me that the recipee for a good engineer scientist is equal parts smarts, anti-social, Asperger's, OCD and ADD/hyperactivity... or otherwise they wouldn't be good engineers.

Every good male engineer or scientist I've known had some degree of emotional issue and came unequipped to cope. The nerdy, geeky engineer's only saving grace was that he made a good living. Unfortunately, that drew the wrong girls. The engineer then got distracted by relationship and subsequent marriage and lost his edge, therefore losing his career, his marriage, his assets and his mind. The girl that understood did quite well, considering marriage a profitable business arrangement with a long time-constant. The engineer was not interested and didn't understand the expectation, time sequence nor duration and repeated the process a few times in his lifetime, bumping into love, when he should have instead understood what he is... good technically but incapable of social interaction nor romantic love. Read Einstein's life (or the many others). And, yes, me too.

The young engineer that understands early on, and does not succumb, has an tremendous, fulfilling career of significant contribution and great mental health. The engineer that understands in mid-life does contribute, to some limited extent, and finds calmness in life with the help and brotherly love of friends. The ones that never get it just waste their lives.

It would be like a tall thin kid trying to wrestle, or a powerlifter trying track. It just don't work. Gotta use your given talents.

- © 2010 by Willy

Having Let Go

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I saw my ex at the gym this week... haven't seen her in 3 years... and, yes, she's obese, and she ignored me (most fortunate for me).

Thinking back, it was tough to let go, especially since I was in love, am somewhat obsessive-compulsive and definitely co-dependent.

It's been stated that chronic lying is not a habit... it's a manifestation of a significant character flaw, and nothing will get rid of it. Lies were either verbalized lies coming out of her mouth or omissions due to her passive-aggressive personality. It's also been stated that sociopathy is a personality disorder for which a lot of shrinks believe there is no cure. You can't grow a conscience. It was either accept her as is or let her go.

Unfortunately, I had given her a ring and she had moved in. Problems started in three weeks. The turning point was to recognize her cruelty. When the stupor of love exited, I realized my problem. This allowed me to respond back with what she considered offensive... with what worked for the last guy, which was a breakthrough. It took years. Looking back, I should have let her go much earlier... but I finally did, and am the better for it.

I am delighted with today.

-© 2010 by Willy

P.S., this at the 3-year hindsight perspective.

Relationship Shelf Life

My daughter flew home for Christmas and we drove to a family reunion afterwards in Florida. As captives for a week, we did some talking, and agreed on one point:


Relationships have a shelf life. They go bad, like eggs.

Now, let me state that I respect everyone who has been married for eons, and you are the refreshing exception, but statistics and experience shows the rule is that romantic relationships are difficult to maintain.

My history shows that my relationships shelf life has shrunk as I've aged. My marriage lasted ten years but I just don't have the umpf any more to put up with characters on a daily version... and neither does anybody else. The exception is for buddies that, obviously, only see each other on occasion instead of every blessed night.

How long is the shelf life?

Depends on the relationship. Just like fine wine ages forever (the exception), and chicken has to be consumed soon, relationships can last from soon to forever... but the mean seems to be closer to the soon rather than to the forever. Even refrigerated. Check the label.

To love and friendships.

- © 2010 by Willy

P.S., Love and relationships do not always correlate, i.e., to me, love may indeed be forever, unlike its associated relationship.

Over The Rainbow

... and above the canopy.

















Dorothy said that somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Not only that but we also hike there, and some of us even live there. It may take near a lifetime to get Over The Rainbow, but where there's a goal, there's a way: Eventually, dreams that you dare to dream really do come true... IF you work for it.

Thank you, everyone who helped.

I have reached the state of mind in which there is no pain and no fear. Where I know I'm safe. When I feel loved and cared for by many. Real peace. All is well. Life is sweet.



- what wasn't The Wizard Of Oz is © 2009 by Willy

If Not Money and Sex, Then What?

Freud said it's all about money (or power) and sex, and it seems to me that things have gotten even worse with those two in my lifetime. In a previous page I remarked that there used to be what is a now-missing code of ethics. Best friends betray due to outright sexual invitation from another's wife. Members of church prayer groups lose their retirement in investment embezzlement from one of their own. These events happen periodically and repeatedly, and there doesn't seem to be enough shame nor honor to prevent it. This is depressing! Where is the world going to? How do I get off?

Is there a way to deal with it? Is there another... attraction? Is there another reason to stay in this world?

I have said that I have found some very rare individuals that are responsible, mature, kind, helpful, trusting, contributing, complimenting and respectful... with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing, no matter what. These are as rare as jewels, and I call them angels. I cultivate and treasure these friendships, and love these individuals, because they give me hope, a reason to live and an emotional hug. They contribute.

I prefer being around these people and I keep a smile around them.

I keep having to remind myself of this.

Live well, love often and laugh much.

- © 2008 by Willy
.

People Are Funny That Way

When I was young and becoming an engineer we had a Redneck Code of Ethics around here. It was just common sense, morals and values. It included not to mess with somebody's woman and not to steal the waitress' tips. Quaint concepts, eh? Nowadays there's no holds barred and money and sex have no constraints. What's happened to people? I don't get it.

Technical problems are solvable given enough time and money, and, once solved, they stay solved. Not so with people problems, which are seldom solvable, and thus endless. Unfortunately, some people don't want solutions but would rather stand in squalor, stay upset, and draw others in, who then get upset too... which is just weird to me. They must get something out of it. People are like fruit... one rotten apple spoils the entire barrel.

We have to deal with people, though, and it is easier to deal one-on-one. More than that and it becomes exponentially more difficult to do anything and everything, and it's best to step away. People are like sharks... once the pack tastes someone's blood, there's a blind frenzy among them.

Machines are based on logic. People are based on emotions, and they lie as needed, to themselves and to others. Everyone lies, some more and some less. Everyone cheats and steals, some with more finesse than others, from financial account fees to leaving work early. Many hearts are irreparably broken due to lying and cheating. There is no real reality truth... everybody has one. People are like a forest... gossip and damage spread like wildfire.

This is one real crazy world! And to think that I thought that I was the one that was crazy! Ha!

I'm not saying I dislike every person, but everyone has a problem. Nobody is perfect, myself included. I can't help but love many of my brothers and sisters, even though they, too, have problems. I especially love responsible, mature, kind, helpful, trusting, contributing, complimenting and respectful people with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing... no matter their faults.

-© 2008 by Willy
.
P.S., No, I don't tolerate fools well.
.

What Else?

"Lord, people have drained me and life is tough. I'm done here... I'm ready to go."

"Not yet. I have sent you into this world with a special act of love to bestow. No one else can offer that act of love... it has been entrusted only to you."

"Lord... Father... I've lived a long life giving to my brothers and sisters. What else do I need to do? "

"When you're done, you can come over."

- text © 2008 by Willy
.

Run?

The old saying is that if your nest looks like a cage, run!

But what if it was my nest, that I've paid off, and it was her that perceived it as a cage? I was trapped, taking abuse, and it DID become my cage! What a horrible and depressing predicament. My solution was to grin and bear it, and patiently wait it out... for four years... until my cellmate left.

Lessons were learned here much too numerous to mention, and much too cynical to be entertaining. The funny part is that this was the second time, but it will be my last, for sure.

Things are much funnier in hindsight!

- © 2008 by Willy
.

Miracles

A tiny little seed in the right environment of soil and sun turns into a beautiful, enormous, complex tree.

A sperm and egg come together and produce a beautiful, caring, loving, intelligent grown daughter.

The miracle is that neither got trampled in the process.

Life is tough and trying. Specially in the early growth process. Even though we are always growing, it happens more so and it's more traumatic in the beginning.

Both seedling and baby have tremendous potential but they also are tremendously sensitive or needy of the world around them. That is, some potential is genetic and some is environmental. Without the right soil, water and sun, neither would make it.

I've found that we all need caring individuals around us, not those vexing to our spirit. We can only help those people that are open to our help, however, if I'm going to surrender the moment to listen or do a kindness, it'd better be useful, take root and grow.

I often wonder if I'm accomplishing my mission or understanding my purpose, but there are some things that feel right, and others that don't. The trick is to think, decide and act.

Never lose the wonder.

- © 2008 by Willy
.

Dear Ex

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring, to give your heart a song to sing. I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love.

All that I did, I did out of heartfelt love for you. You don't understand this because you've never been in love. I don't think you've been capable of it.

I do pray that you do become capable of love, and that you do fall deeply in love... love is beautiful, you'll see... and if you get lucky, your lover will break your heart like you did mine... and you'd then get the breadth of it.

In the meantime, I've finally moved on. Just like you did years ago. And I'm in love again... I love responsible, mature people who are kind and helpful, who trust, contribute, compliment, and respect, with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing. Nothing like you.

You can keep those clueless friends you poisoned.

I smile, I laugh, I whistle tunes, and I love life again.

I wish you love.

- most of this text © 2007 by Willy
.
P.S., I was the rocket scientist you met cycling... blue bike.
.

Tokens of Love

A puppy's love for his surroundings and for you who feeds him is refreshingly innocent, and his licking your face is definitely a token of his love.

A mother's concern and love for her young offspring as they grow up lasts forever... or until they become horrible teenagers. Everything the offsprings require is delivered as a token of mom's love.

Puppy love and concern-love also happen between adults, but only until the romantic love honeymoon is over... a year or two. The hugs and other tokens stop at the same time love does. Why is there this timeline with adults? Typically the woman falls in love first, then the man, then the woman's love dies, leaving the man confused. Why does love die?

Bicycling through colors of swirling falling leaves in the Fall is a terrific experience, and one which is a token of God's love for us. Beautiful sunsets. Success. Luck. Many unexplained good things happen, even though we don't deserve them. These are yet more tokens of love for us. But these, unlike man's, don't stop... and His love doesn't die.

I'll take His hugs over hers anytime.

- © 2007 by Willy
.

What Fall Brings

Around my neck of the woods, we begin to notice Fall around Halloween, but the turning, falling leaves are not obvious until Thanksgiving, today. This year Fall is a true spectacle. The colors are much brighter than usual, and leaves are staying on the trees longer. Some opine that this is due to the Summer drought followed by recent rains. Most of us say that nobody really knows why leaves change color and are just content to enjoy the breathtaking scenery. Fall color must be one of God's tokens of love for us.

My favorite thing to do this time of year is to ride through the leaves piled on the side of the streets. I've been doing this since I was a boy, and still enjoy it. The bonus is actually riding through falling leaves... I always wear a big smile for that.

Around now I somewhat reduce my outdoors hiking and bicycling, and take up more indoor machines. This is mostly due to having history slipping on wet leaves and stepping on uneven ground. Also, created wind or apparent wind when bicycling is treasured in Summer but detestable in Winter as we create a sweatbox inside our wind shells. So, I just did my first home studio bike spin... puddles of sweat baptized my new hardwood floors. My bike commuting will reduce depending on the weather.

I just had a fitness assessment, and even though anaerobically I was 90-100%-tile, my VO2 was just "High." My goal is to meet the requirements for "Athlete," which means this Fall brings more focus, with more miles and a better diet... if I can stay motivated enough, and injury-free to boot, two big ones that have previously sabotaged me.

Hope you have some very happy holidays, a wonderful Christmas, a terrific new year... and better riding!

- © 2007 by Willy
.

Nothing Beats a Good Bike Ride

That's right: nothing. A lot of us think this way.

Just wait... you might too. The smartest man in the world said so. He also implied that most people are stupid. Take your choice.

You young whippersnappers, male or female, can think what you want, but I stand by my statement. Adrenalin production, coming fast down a tall mountain, trumps a roll in the sack or any kind of drug. And, because the ride lasts much longer than typical sexual antics, you enjoy it longer and you get fit to boot.

Although cuddling carbon isn't the same, other factors abound. That includes slowing down, being part of Mother Nature, taking in the sun, listening to the symphony of the birds, riding through falling fall leaves and greeting like-minded individuals. Even in a slow and flat ride, the little adrenalin boosted by the above factors increases happiness beyond expectations.

"Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride." - John F. Kennedy.

Ride the bike.
.
-©2007 by Willy
.

What Drives Us?

Yes, it's love and money that drive us, just like Freud said. But there are some subtleties within this. My friend Ed, who has a PhD in physics, but also for years owned a retail store, says that we engineers/scientists marry the first woman who pays attention to us... and the second and third. And he may be right. We don't seem to discriminate people very well, although we can easily pick out the best product... TV, car, missile, or whatever, that fits our need.

It may be that we can't pick our women well because it is usually they who pick us, and it seems that they do it on the basis of money and availability. In this town there are many more engineers & scientists than there are doctors, and The Almighty Dollar reigns, specially for those women that don't make a lot of money themselves. I've noticed, in general, that the women that have a great career don't need no stinkin' husband, but they'll take a wife instead, and some I know have done just that... a meek husband that caters to their needs and who may not have a decent paycheck... a dependent. And they have the same trouble with their men as I've had with women. It is rare to see a couple that get along well, but even more rare is to see a couple with great careers, both, that stay together. These are definitely in the minority. Funny, isn't it?

Yes, I could be a male chauvinist pig, and I might be a cynic, but this is my observation. Look around yourself and check it out. Tell me if there's no truth to this. Although, if I have hurt your feelings, or you are the dependent in the story, you have my apology and sympathy... and a suggestion that you plant both feet on the ground and go after that degree and that career to better yourself and contribute! Do something with your life! Dam' the relationship torpedo, full speed ahead.

Oh... and don't get me started on love

- text © 2007 by Willy
.

The Right Turn In My Life

During the recent trauma associated with the termination of my recent 5-year love affair, I swore to God that I am never, ever, going to be caught in that predicament again... the pain was unbearable. That was the end of THAT kind of relationship! I just am not going to allow myself to fall head-over-heals in love, give my heart, nor share my life. I've got to stay sane while I'm still around.

Many years ago, after my divorce, I said something about not getting married again, so I guess I had shot cupid and did not realize it.

My good friend David tells me that he is sure that I will fall in love again. I agreed with him, but also remarked that this time I'm not going to tell her, nor will I pursue that relationship... it's going to be my little secret.

And my definition of love has changed forever... I love people who do their work responsibly, who are kind and helpful to others, who trust, contribute, and respect. Who have a good positive attitude, and who are complimentary. I love people who enjoy life, who found their calling, and who work their mission here. And who do the right thing no matter what.

I love people who love others in that way, and want to develop more friends like that and deeper friendships... but I will not lust after them, live with them nor marry them.

-©2007 by Willy
.