Am I Crazy?

Am I in my right mind?

I have experienced pain many times, and do so now. To me, the really big pain is about the wounds of the heart and mind. Physical pain (like my cancers, broken bones, ruptured appendix, etc.) is comparatively less. The most pain has always been at times in which I don’t have control over my thinking, when every single thing is difficult and life loses its luster… like now. The last couple of months have been excruciatingly painful for me.

My many physical and emotional issues have given me anxiety, and made me question my thoughts and actions. This has been a life-long reoccuring struggle. 

Sometimes I can discuss these with a buddy over a beer, but sometimes my go-to person to discuss heart-and-mind matters is my daughter Jennifer. My question and discussions with her are always “Am I crazy?” She has patience with me and knows that it’s mostly a matter of time before I regain my sanity. And she’s right, because I’m feeling better after a few weeks of hiking therapy with her. I’m still not right, but hopefully I get to go home soon. 

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do,” said Robert Schuller.

Yes, I’m all about hiking… to beautiful views in beautiful places. It heals me. How could I forget?

Father, please continue to heal us. 

And by the grace of God go I.

-copyright 2021 by Willy.

Huffing And Puffing

"Come on baby, I love you, come back to me." I was saying out loud at the gym while I massaged my right quad on a leg extension machine. Among my many issues is that my right leg does not work well, due to the stage-4 lymphoma in 2014. The leg is weak, and has little feeling. It's a miracle that I can walk and hike as well as I do. Then, again, it's a miracle that I'm alive, because they gave me a 20% chance of living five years... seven years ago. I thought I was dead, then was in a wheelchair, then a walker, and now I hike. In 2019 they took out a tennis ball sized tumor out of my brain, a side effect of radiation therapy. Yes, I am a blessed man. How long do I have? Thank you, Father, for this day.

Topic 2: I'm back to this blog after a seven-year pause to continue documenting myself. In reading backwards, My life is so different from the pre-cancer me... in so many ways.

Topic 3: I'm in Colorado, hiking with daughter Jennifer for my mental health, and praying for a recovery for my best friend and hiking partner, and praying for a way forward… if it’s in your will, Father.

And please grant me perception, awareness and understanding, wisdom and acceptance, and strength and endurance. 

And by the grace of God go I.

- copyright 2021 by Willy