Out with the old

A promising new year is coming in an hour. Full of possibilities and chances. Anything is possible if I focus on it... and let go my luggage and garbage. No "resolutions," just trying to stick to current goals.

Having a tough time.

Why Are We Here?

I'm thoroughly disgusted. The shallow-and-selfish have ruled me much too long, and have thrashed me in doing so... from broken heart to broken retirement... but the worse injury is that they have broken my spirit. I'm sick and tired of it... I'm mad as hell, and I won't take it any more!

Let me back up. Our real purpose may be love in action. This includes contributing to others through kindness... thus serving others. I know that this is not a popular activity... matter of fact, you're seen as an idiot for doing so among the shallow-and-selfish... but then look at the shape we're in due to them.

Arthur H. Prince stated that the purpose of life is not to be happy. The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that we have lived at all.

I agree with that, but if THEY don't contribute, what good are they? And if we're here to contribute to others, then what is the purpose of those others we contribute to? Why are THEY here? OK, so, either EVERYBODY contributes, or I quit them!

In the case of the financial sector, and as stewards of the public dollar, it's the obligation of government to exercise due diligence to protect the common wealth and serve the public good. This is something much lacking lately. Advocates of servicing the public need are not doing their job, so I'm withdrawing from all Wall Streeters, big bankers and their ilk.

Withdrawing? What? Well, I won't take it any more. I'll say no to the greedy gunk that have been controlling our destiny and getting rich at our expense. I won't give them my dollar and enable their bad behavior. I've been gradually withdrawing from financial sector markets into less risky and more tangible assets. Not only that but I have been simplifying my life and cutting down on buying... by fixing, finding a used one, reducing consumption or making do without.

I will be kind to others, but I will also closely monitor their behavior, and will disengage when I see a lack of reciprocity. I will play the well-known solution to the Prisoner's Dilemma (see Scientific American, starting circa 1982). I will be Nice, Clear, Provocable and Forgiving... and continuously observe and monitor them. If they don't contribute, I'm firing them.

I'm now dealing with my co-dependence to a much grander scale. This is going to mend my spirit. The financial sector and other shallow-and-selfish can kiss my $.

- © 2008 by Willy
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It's Coming, Again

In engineering, as in physics, we're very used to detecting things indirectly. You are too. Your dog barks and you know somebody's there. An object's shadow is sometimes larger than the object itself. Observation of effected and unexpected dynamics give it away. Correlation with associated behavior points it out.

Well, one thing that's coming is clearly the upcoming national bankruptcy due to the financial sector's unbridled professional thieves, with their accomplices in congress... an inevitable derailment that seems unstoppable and will destroy this country from the inside. Since we've had these before, you'd think we'd steer away.

The real thing that's coming and welcomed is Christ's birthday. Since Labor Day, we've had Christmas displays at stores. Closer in it's not just traffic jams and full parking lots but the inability to do regular shopping.

In my specific case, two additional things give away the season.

One is the inevitable upper respiratory infection, no doubt due to chilly temperatures while hiking and bicycling. Some Decembers are worse than others, and this one has been bad, having had to take off a week from work. It still lingers.

The second thing that gives away the season for me specifically is that my home stationary bicycle gets dusted off and begins its use, which will happen today. It's just too cold to hike or bike given that I'm still sick, and my regular gym is closed on Sundays.

I like the time off at Christmas. I really want to enjoy my peace and quiet both at home and at work. I can catch up at work this time of year simply because the storm quits swamping the boat and I can bail it dry, and I can relax and do my activities at home unencumbered with commitments.

I've had many discussions on the life of solitude that I've chosen lately. I find it joyful in its simplicity, with a maximum of independence, and better than monastic life by far. While taking a class on stress management from a nun, I just had to ask her what the hell does a nun in a monastery know about stress? She responded that she has to live with 50 other women!

There is also a third thing that could be coming. I've been very human, but I'm understanding my prior mistakes and trusting on early sensing and detection to stay away from trouble. The larger shadow will tell me trouble's coming, and then I must control myself, and stay detached and away. Unlike the upcoming national depression, this one I can avoid.

Yep, there's lots of stuff coming, again. Some good and some bad.

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- text © 2008 by Willy

Mistakes

There are many stories about unintentional pregnancies due to the risk of contraceptive failure. In one case, the girl confessed to her OB/GYN that she had always viewed pregnant single girls as either incredibly stupid or incredibly selfish, to which he responded "Or they’re incredibly human."

I'm less obvious, but I carry all sorts of baggage, including old mistakes... stupid, emotional and selfish, but human. I've been lucky in that I've recovered, however, I may be blind to my own faults while eager to point out their sins to others. Very human.

I hate somebody else trying to control me and change me. One of my sins may be that since I want to control my own life, I may extend control to those around me in some sense or in part. I don't mean to do this, but the difference between controlling myself and controlling my immediate environment is fuzzy indeed.

I am thankful for being just the way I am, and thus I have to be thankful for them being just the way they are too, no matter what. We are all intentionally diverse. It's a lie to think we're not good enough. Whether we're going to get through life or not is all up to each of us... not just me. There's a lot of healing in letting go... the acceptance of others.... and concentrating on fixing myself.

Just don't encroach into my environment.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


- © 2008 by Willy
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Political Corruption

The term Political Corruption is becoming redundant. The poster child for this was Tricky Dicky's resignation clip "I'm not a crook," right after his vice-president, Spiro Agnew, resigned amidst charges of extortion, tax fraud, bribery, and conspiracy. President and Vice-President! That was in the early 70's, but it seems that there's a whole lot more of it now, at all levels.

Right now Illinois governor Blagojevich is in the news, and the media should be digging in to see who else is connected to the alleged blatant Senate-seat-for-sale scheme. I sure hope it does not taint the presidency.

New York's powerful Rep. Charlie Rangel, long time chairman of the hugely powerful House Ways and Means Committee is being investigated for ethics violations regarding an oil and gas drilling company gift.

But it's also happening in minor states and municipalities. When Alabama's Secretary of State pays her company and family out of campaign funds, and the same state's Attorney General accepts box seats for a pro baseball game from a state utility... and neither one thinks it's wrong... then corruption has become either the norm or unusually wholesale. It comes in Sam's Club sized packages, and it has permeated society.

God, save us all from these disgusting predators. Let them be hoisted by their own petard... let their own insatiable greed flatten them.

And, God... bless the honest man. Honest politics is a business of serving with patience and its economy is one of deferred compensation. Once out of office, the honest man can cash in on books, speeches, lobbying and introductions through contacts made and knowledge gained.


- © 2008 by Willy
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Open Your Eyes

Pepito tells his teacher late one afternoon that his cat just had five kittens and that all of them believe in Fidel and the Cuban revolution.

The following morning the proud teacher takes Pepito to see the principal.

"Pepito, tell the principal what you told me yesterday."

"My cat had five kittens, and two of them believe in the revolution."

"Pepito! Yesterday you told me that all five kittens believe in the revolution. How's that?"

"Oh, yes, teacher... but this morning three of them opened their eyes."


[This anecdote was popular in 1959]


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Shelter

Thankfully, I now live in a nice, comfortable house with plenty of space in and out. Not the Windsor Castle, mind you, but a darned good place for an engineer, brought on as an evolution to a long developing career. It keeps the rain out and gives me a place to sleep.

I was watching the back yard this morning and noticed a wren building a nest in one of the birdhouses. The wrens' loud song wakes me early on weekends, so I knew that they were around. The male wren is a hard worker, developing many nests.

I used to wonder how birds survive storms, but my observation is that they don't. Last spring, after a nasty storm, my bird feeders went weeks without needing refill. And this happens repeatedly.

If their instinct lets them, a birdhouse is the Windsor Castle to a bird. I have several birdhouses, but not all birds use them, and many die in storms.

I remember several times in my life when I had no home. Times were when I made like the wren and built my nest from scratch. They were bad times, long gone. Life is sooo good now!

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- © 2008 by Willy

Eating Well

When I was in Middle School and early High School, the welfare department gave us commodity cheese, powdered milk and big cans of Spam. Breakfast was milk, I took cheese sandwiches to school, and grandma cooked that Spam every night while it lasted. I delivered newspapers, cleaned toilets and mopped floors but there was just no money for frills, like much food.

It wasn't just Ethiopia where boys were undernourished.

When I was a starving college student, I ate almost exclusively 9-cent boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and it was unusual to have a burger. My diet had little protein, so I wonder how I stayed alive those years... at 21, I was 6'1" but my pants waist size was 28" Slim. When I visited grandma, she'd try her hardest to fatten me up with what she had.

When I got my first career job, I had money, and I actually went out for lunch daily. It was burgers and fries or steak and loaded baked potato. Then some honey saw that and grabbed me and married me, and there went my brief good eating time.

All of a sudden I was a young man with a huge mortgage, cars, demanding wife and two kids. We ate oatmeal for breakfast, I again took cheese sandwiches to work for lunch, and we had an awful lot of beans for dinner.

In general, it was not until I progressed in my career and made more money, that my eating got good but bad... because milk, oatmeal, rice and beans... the poorman's diet... are real good for you, not lots of steak and potatoes nor a steady diet of fast food.

So, when the wife went crazy with demands and left us, things got good and we three started eating out at McDonald's, Taco Bell and Arby's, and I got heavy and so did my daughter. The son did not but he had hollow legs. We called Taco Bell "The Kitchen."

That was a while back. The kids left long ago and I've had some awful relationships (the grabbing honeys were still out there). It's just terrible how some people treat themselves and others.

More recently, I'm staying away from fast food and fast women. I eat soy milk for breakfast, a reasonably balanced lunch at the work cafeteria, a protein bar for an afternoon snack and try to eat a small dinner at home after gym or ride. I haven't eaten beef in years but stick to chicken and fish. It's a constant battle to stay at a weight at which I can do all my outdoor activities I love so much, like hiking and bicycling, while maintaining the muscle mass to weightlift at the gym. Since I live alone now... ignoring the grabbing honeys... with my iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner "dog" and a forest backyard full of wild birds and animals... I don't have any excuse except to eat right.

So I'm eating well now and I'm having the best time in my life.


- © 2008 by Willy
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Greed

Greed is why Wall Street sold out America but the arrogant, greedy, thieving, conniving bastards and bitches are not limited to the world of money and investment. Amazingly, it goes down to the everyman who took out a 120% mortgage he knew he could not pay and spent the cash today, figuring to move out tomorrow.

There's no reason to strengthen the ramparts because the looting and pillaging of America were done from the inside. We did not have to worry about the Reds nor the terrorists... we screwed ourselves in the name of selfish greed, and now we're about to bankrupt the country.

We've pawned the national silverware to finance the plastic spork with which to eat the fat goose that laid our golden egg.

I've seen this same trend in relationships: Nobody cares about anybody... it's just what's in it for them, today. Not just Where's-Mine greed but Screw-You greed. No code of ethics or morals anywhere.

How disgusting can it get? "The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." - Cicero, 55 BC.

The inmates are running the asylum, raping and plundering as they go.

It's horrible!

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- © 2008 by Willy

Again to Social Bike Riding

I'm not used to bicycle riding with others, but did go a couple of hours today to accompany my friend Dave and some of his pack. This was Dave's first ride since he collided with a truck during a descent about a month ago. He had said he needed a wheel but it was me who was sucking wheel. Groups have a way of getting you motivated. Conversely, riding solo means that you can slow down to any speed, sightsee and lollygag... and lose fitness.

Now, I do like to sightsee and lollygag. It's a quiet time to observe nature, think and pray... but I do recognize that I need my fitness too to keep the pounds off and the juices flowing. A good friend of mine my age went into the hospital this weekend... yes, Thanksgiving... with congenital heart failure.

Our ride today was between one rainstorm and another. Early today it was raining buckets, then it was sunny briefly while we rode, and I got back home at about the time the sky opened up again. Our timing was good and with temps in the 40's, it was a nice ride.

And, no, I decided not to go up into the Smokeys to do some cold weather backpacking because of the precip added to the temps meant road closures like last weekend's. Instead, I hiked locally, hit the gym and biked today. I'll try again over the Christmas weekend.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Bright

This year brought the brightest yellow fall folliage I can remember. I don't know which it is... my eyes or my memory that is failing. Either way, the last week or two have been beautiful to me. I love this time of year, with the beautifully colored leaves finally carpeting the trail.

It is one cold weekend here... it was 20 degrees last night although the high today was 50. I hiked yesterday and today, although I'm looking forward to bicycling thru the piles of leaves stacked by the sidewalks.

The air is clear and sunsets are all colorful and gorgeous. Last night I saw the Space Station and Shuttle at sunset just left of Jupiter and Venus on an arc straight up.

Yesterday I trampled off-trail in the woods with a rockhound buddy, getting snagged by briars and stomping on poison ivy, but scoring me some firewood. Today I did a more familiar 6-mile, 2-hour, 900-ft climb... my favorite... after breakfast.

I'm considering going to the Smokeys to hike for the 4 days of Thanksgiving next week. Have to do some homework on what's open and closed.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Grief

Am I through with my grief? It's been a year and a half, and many other crises and events have come and gone since The Ex and I broke up and I got depressed. So, let's go through it, for self-analysis, historical documentation and lessons learned.


The Ex went through the depression first, with many demands for control without compromise, her words breaking my heart. This stage lasted four years, beginning immediately upon moving in. All we were was lousy roommates. I realized that I made a huge mistake. When she finally made her decision that I was insignificant, she became happier, proclaimed an end to the relationship and started inviting other men over, which was her way to begin recovery. Her abuse was my breaking point.

My grief started when I then had to accept her decision and invited her out. In this case saying goodbye was definitely the right thing to do. Four months after voicing her decision, and after getting her income tax refund, she finally moved. I immediately took a week off to clean up the house, took a vanfull to her, four truckloads to charity and filled up a construction dumpster. I remodeled the house. I took many showers to scrub her stink off.

Unlike her, I refused to date new people as a recovery technique, preferring the simplicity of solitude. I then went into a depression tailspin, pills and all. I went into a loop in which I ranged from extreme work and exercise to sitting at home crying. I had a tough time and this lasted for months. Searching for help, I joined a weekly support group that I still attend. I recognized that it was unrequited love, that I provided the free ride and that's all I was to her. I've forgiven myself for making that mistake and am satisfied and at peace with myself now. Unbelievably, I'm still in love with her, but I CHOSE to quit thinking about her and do a complete cutoff, with no looking back, which was quite the struggle and the hardest thing ever to get off my mind.

So I'm well, my grief has been over for quite a while, and I'm a changed man. I now thoroughly enjoy my peace and quiet, and I do enjoy myself. Since I sleep better, I feel stronger, work more efficiently, bike and hike more and longer, and lift heavier weights. I'm friendly, I laugh more and I whistle down the halls. I celebrate life. I've gone to the occassional party but don't stay long, since I don't want to make another mistake. Most importantly, I contribute again.

Last year, I teared often and heavily. This year I laugh so hard that I cry.

And that's my grief story in a nutshell, for the books.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Blessing

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Father, we all have some kind of battle we're fighting, so it's nice to get an occasional kindness and blessing. We all suffer the consequences of living in this world and need to receive the Holy Spirit in a very real way... through other people.

Father, bless my daughter in whatever it is that You know she may be needing this day. May her life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Enlarge her thinking, be with her, keep her from evil, help her with her burdens and keep her from grief. (1 Chr 4 10)

May the Lord look upon you kindly, give you peace and continue to bless you that you may yourself continue to be a blessing to others.

Amen.

-Dad

P.S., And may the good Lord hold you in the palm of his hand.
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Buy Low?

I noticed that Circuit City just filed for bankruptcy protection and its stock dropped to eleven cents a share. Sirius-XM's has been below a quarter and bankruptcy is expected next year. Both of these two companies could recover nicely in years ahead, returning maybe five times my investment today. On the other hand, the thousands invested could just go down a rabbit hole, never to be seen again. It is a lot like Las Vegas casino gambling.

The same can be said for a troubled relationship. It's a gamble to buy low... and invest time and money in a relationship in trouble... with the hope of recovery, if it will just go to hell anyway. It's a crap shoot here too. Is throwing dice all we can go on?

Of course, I've had my good moments when I bought high on a relationship... I will cherish the times my relationships elated me, before the trouble started. Relationships consume, and sometimes it's just time to go on. So, maybe the trick with relationships is to buy high and sell low. Some things work opposite of others. That is, if you opt for a relationship at all. It may be best to stay out of that market too.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Wells and Relationship Rules

Yes, everybody's different. Some people don't miss the water until the well runs dry. Then some other people keep looking for new, multiple wells... And never have to worry about water. Likewise, some people just leave dry wells as their legacy in life... suck the life out of their relationships, then discard the bodies.

So how can a relationship of two people ever succeed? Can two people agree to anything at all in order to have a long-term relationship, or are we resigned to a series of long dates or short marriages?

Hell, I haven't done it well, but there are some overlaps or commonalities in the volumes of books out there that may constitute basic rules.

- You have to at least like... if not love... the other, and be enthusiastic about him/her. If you're just after getting a paid ride, go get welfare, not a lover.

- You have to be compatible and honest to develop trust. If one of you steals the other's prescription pills, there is not a chance in hell to even start a relationship, because there will be no trust. Trust in God and in each other. Without trust, there is nothing. If you have nothing...

- There has to be an understanding about exclusiveness. Open relationships imply no commitment, and there is no trust and no care... you're just roommates. If you're just playing with a bunch of people to see what you can get, I hope you get what's coming to you.

- Give. Contribute! If one gives and the other takes, the giver will get sick of it when the infatuation smoke clears. And I mean giving love and caring, no matter what, with no conditions. Yes, a real tough one and the one that may break it long-term.

- Give the benefit of the doubt and always assume positive intent. Have a positive attitude and positive expectation about your relationship. No faultfinding. No fixing. No jabs. No punishment. No yelling but no passive-aggressive shit either. Absolutely essential.

- Communicate often how you feel and what to do, since you're a couple now, not independent operators... the other should matter. This does not mean tell him or her what to do, nor demand things from the other, it means coordinate to do things with and spend time with each other.

- Respect the other, and his/her wishes. Put them high in your priorities. Don't take him/her for granted. Don't change him/her... instead take him/her as they are. Limit the amount of stuff you ask them to do and to change, or they will resent that. But if this doesn't come from within, you'd better address it quickly (Is she using you? Are you using her?).

- Commit to be together. If you expect the relationship to fail, it will. If you go day-by-day, it might do that. If you are just using him/her until you can find somebody better, you're disgusting and should put yourself away. Machines such as bikes don't do that, ad notwithstanding.


- © 2008 by Willy

Fright Night

My support group's moderator had an election night party last week, which, following that close to Halloween, was dubbed the Fright Night.

I am not a party person, but I looked forward to it and went. I was not surprised to find a huge variety of very entertaining people who were fighting or had fought some devil within. This is my second foray with this group... the first a dozen years ago... so I knew these folk and it was definitely not expected to be a meat market.

It's been obvious to me that I will continue to meet with this group, long term. Just like I understand the good in my core values, I also admit to my inability to deal with many people and the periodic conflict inherent there... for life. I accept myself unconditionally, where I am.

I am not unique, but just part of the population. Although I have cousins blessed with long and rewarding marriages, there are also those like me... that have escaped the surly bonds of endearment. What makes the difference is the same traits, philosophy and perhaps subjectiveness as to Why We're Here.

Cousin Carlos... saint Carlos... was able to deal with my mother in a way I could not. On the other hand, cousin Alberto was good to me but terrible with his own son and daughter.

I love good people but can't tolerate fools. In between these extremes is my problem. I'll never figure out people but I can live among them to a limited amount. I will continue to learn as a necessity and as a curiosity. People are now under my microscope.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Touchstones

I'm visiting family this weekend, centered on my eightynine year old aunt Melita... the last of the elders of a large, tightly knit, ethnic family, now in assisted living... a place she calls her cushy prison. Today we had brunch at a nice ethnic restaurant and went sightseeing along old traunts. Also visited Delia, a cousin with Alzheimer's. Tomorrow, we have brunch at Caloli's (one cousin) and dinner at Carolina's (another cousin).

I am not used to the rapid and multiple conversations of my old cultural family group... sometimes they talk and listen to three conversations simultaneously... it's like having had a dozen cups of coffee, so even though I thoroughly enjoy them, I also enjoy the peace and quiet of my motel room afterwards.

Monday, I have all to myself, so I'm renting a bicycle to retrace some of my childhood rides... newspaper routes, school routes, and church routes, mostly... there was no family nor personal car 'till college, and I was and still am very hyperactive, independent and adventuresome, so I rode everywhere, in all weather.

What I am and do now is just an extension of what I was and did as a kid. There have been gradual evolutionary improvements, but no radical changes. From bringing home discarded TVs for parts to designing high-tech equipment, and from toys to the real things. I've avoided people all the way. I am what I am, and have always been. And aunt Melita is a touchstone I use to measure not only how far I've gone but if I've stayed on course. She'd tell me if I don't notice... and so would my many cousins.

My life's always been in forward motion, and will continue to be... quite the chicane.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Almost missed it!

I had the Scheduled Task set wrong for the time change from Daylight Savings Time today, and almost missed the sunset.

I've been celebrating sundown, when possible. No, I'm not Jewish or Celt and don't live in Key West either. I just want to thank God for another beautiful day, and thus another opportunity to contribute. Life is all about contributing. The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.

I live on the side of a mountain and the sunsets are gorgeous. Years ago, my son used to say that I should record these sunsets. My response to him was that there was no reason for that... there's a new sunset every evening and thus there's a new opportunity every day.

Let me stress that... there are new opportunities every day. Just like there is a new bus every 15 minutes. I do keep having to remind myself of this.


- © 2008 by Willy
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If Not Money and Sex, Then What?

Freud said it's all about money (or power) and sex, and it seems to me that things have gotten even worse with those two in my lifetime. In a previous page I remarked that there used to be what is a now-missing code of ethics. Best friends betray due to outright sexual invitation from another's wife. Members of church prayer groups lose their retirement in investment embezzlement from one of their own. These events happen periodically and repeatedly, and there doesn't seem to be enough shame nor honor to prevent it. This is depressing! Where is the world going to? How do I get off?

Is there a way to deal with it? Is there another... attraction? Is there another reason to stay in this world?

I have said that I have found some very rare individuals that are responsible, mature, kind, helpful, trusting, contributing, complimenting and respectful... with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing, no matter what. These are as rare as jewels, and I call them angels. I cultivate and treasure these friendships, and love these individuals, because they give me hope, a reason to live and an emotional hug. They contribute.

I prefer being around these people and I keep a smile around them.

I keep having to remind myself of this.

Live well, love often and laugh much.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Accidents and Injuries

Like the bumper sticker says on redneck pickup trucks, Shit Happens. It happened to my good friend Dave today... during a group ride on a gorgeous, sunny day. At the end of a long descent, he turned right from a 4-lane into a small road and collided with a vehicle that was moving slowly or perhaps stopped. He's in the hospital with a bruised lung (they have inserted a tube for drainage), a separated collarbone and some road rash. He's sore, stiff and beat up but already looking for a recumbent to ride while he heals... Dave loves riding.

Injuries take a long time to heal... if ever... for old farts like me and Dave. And injuries do a number on our fitness level. Neither group nor solo riding is immune to risks. Dave will be back among us soon, I hope.

- © 2008 by Willy
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People Are Funny That Way

When I was young and becoming an engineer we had a Redneck Code of Ethics around here. It was just common sense, morals and values. It included not to mess with somebody's woman and not to steal the waitress' tips. Quaint concepts, eh? Nowadays there's no holds barred and money and sex have no constraints. What's happened to people? I don't get it.

Technical problems are solvable given enough time and money, and, once solved, they stay solved. Not so with people problems, which are seldom solvable, and thus endless. Unfortunately, some people don't want solutions but would rather stand in squalor, stay upset, and draw others in, who then get upset too... which is just weird to me. They must get something out of it. People are like fruit... one rotten apple spoils the entire barrel.

We have to deal with people, though, and it is easier to deal one-on-one. More than that and it becomes exponentially more difficult to do anything and everything, and it's best to step away. People are like sharks... once the pack tastes someone's blood, there's a blind frenzy among them.

Machines are based on logic. People are based on emotions, and they lie as needed, to themselves and to others. Everyone lies, some more and some less. Everyone cheats and steals, some with more finesse than others, from financial account fees to leaving work early. Many hearts are irreparably broken due to lying and cheating. There is no real reality truth... everybody has one. People are like a forest... gossip and damage spread like wildfire.

This is one real crazy world! And to think that I thought that I was the one that was crazy! Ha!

I'm not saying I dislike every person, but everyone has a problem. Nobody is perfect, myself included. I can't help but love many of my brothers and sisters, even though they, too, have problems. I especially love responsible, mature, kind, helpful, trusting, contributing, complimenting and respectful people with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing... no matter their faults.

-© 2008 by Willy
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P.S., No, I don't tolerate fools well.
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Control

In solitude alone
can man know true freedom.
- Montaigne

Did you sell in this diving stock market? That is a decision only you can make, if it's your money. One of my buddies did. I have not and will not, instead will wait the 5 years for a recovery... and pick up some bargains now. It's my money.

I'm helping another buddy move in with his gal tomorrow, and I told him that I wish him luck and will pray for him. I'm not living with anybody else. It's my life.

Man is never as capable as when he is independent. Alone, without ties that bind, we have both nobody to hold us back and nobody to blame. A free soul can contribute. It is our dependence on another that holds us back. Nobody else can guide us better than ourselves... only inspiration makes us better. That is, nobody other than God makes us better.

Can I control myself? Damned right I can... the buck stops here. Can another control me? Yes, if I let them, and they try all the time! They're called mothers, spouses and significant others. Can I control others? Shiiit no. The next time I fall in love, I will keep it to myself. She'll never know it.

"I can't make you love me if you don't" - Bonnie Raitt



- some of this © 2008 by Willy
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Keep Quiet

T. Boone Pickens once said that the higher a monkey climbs a tree, the more people that can see his ass.

Visibility has its drawbacks. You are a big, obvious target that others can not only sling mud at but shoot down too.

I like where I am. It's amazing to me how much power I have from the bottom. I can get a lot done without getting seen. And I don't get shot at.

The key to my mental health is to keep my head down. Survival is to say nothing and to try a little to look like I might know what I'm doing, which I do. I just keep quiet, and get things done.

All the monkeys up high spend most of their time and effort throwing mud at each other, and sometimes one of them gets killed. People can be such asses.

Not for me!

- © 2008 by Willy
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Home

Home is over the rainbow, where the skies are blue and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Home is a feeling, not a place. Home just feels right. Home is a feeling of calmness, of quiet and of rest. It can happen to coincide with a physical place, but if so then that physical place had better have the above qualities.

After two weeks, I just got home very late last night, to that feeling of calmness, since there is nobody else at home now. A couple of years ago, when returning from a trip, there was no such calmness... just tension, walking on eggshells while waiting for verbal attack, kind of like Inspector Crusoe waiting for Kato to pound on him when he got home (in the various Pink Panther movies a couple of decades ago).

Today I slept late, showered, lunched out, shopped, washed, organized and put away. Watered and fed the birds and animals. And rested... laid down in front of the TV, propped my legs up, and enjoyed the calmness while watching the birds flock to the feeders.

There no place feeling like home. Great feeling. Won't give it up ever again.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Luck

I know that luck favors the prepared, but sometimes preparation isn't enough.

Last Saturday I was baking in 104-degree desert heat in the sun, walking at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Visor, sun block and packed Camelback were not doing it, I had left Cottonwood campground and I had a couple of hours to get to Phantom Ranch. I hadn't seen a soul for a half an hour when I saw a Sahara hat atop a rock. That's freakin' luck.

Tuesday morning the group leader woke up in a bad mood because my snoring had kept him awake for several nights in our crowded shared-room sleeping arrangement. However, at our destination motel in a crowded Zion vacation/tourist destination, a vacant room existed. That's pure luck.

Who knows how many bad occurrences were averted. There were no accidents or injuries other than sore feet. That's luck too.

I've been lucky many a time. A dozen years ago we had a recession in town and layoffs but I was able to find jobs for me and my group through help from connections as well as a good work ethic reputation. After my divorce, my kids came to live with me and I had the discipline and privilege to raise them. A good young friend of mine became a priest, so we maintain a unique relationship. I've survived two traffic wrecks, storms at sea in small craft, climbing and caving accidents, a point-blank shooting, divorce, teenagers, many different kind of heartbreak and countless other physical and emotional events. This was due to preparation, work, people's kindness and asking for God's mercy... luck.

I'm a lucky man: I prepare and I pray to get lucky. And I do.

- text © 2008 by Willy

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P.S., Yes, OK... North Kaibab down to lodge in 7, next day from lodge up thru Bright Angel in 6 1/4 hrs. First down, and first out, of a dozen or so.

Canyons

The goal of every drop is to return to the ocean.

I'm winding down a week of hiking canyons in Arizona and Utah, flying home tomorrow. I've seen nature at its grandest, and it was impressive. From the challenge of rim-to-rim Grand Canyon to the fun of sloshing The Narrows at Zion, I gained a new perspective on earth's rugged beauty: I saw what a drop can do while pursuing its goal, and it gave me a lesson on persistence.

I'm glad to be done and look forward to resting my sore feet, looking at the pictures, and making a canyon. I have drops and drops to go before I sleep.

- © 2008 by Willy

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Bloom...

Bloom where you're planted. Make the best of it. Do what you can with what you've got.

These type of saying abound, and all remind me that it is MY choice whether to bloom or whither and die... with the implication that I have to do it, not somebody else, and that I have to bloom among rocks.

I propose that not only do I have to do it myself, but clear off the parasites and albatross that will make it difficult, if not impossible, to bloom.

Do include other symbiotic friends with good attitude and similar drive, but the trick is to evaluate them... to look and see what they are, before I trust them. Trust in friendships have to be earned. Mentoring is a bad investment unless you get a significant real-time contribution from the apprentice.

Finally, not only have my best vacations been those taken by myself, but have been those closer to home. Blooming happens in your own back yard, among the rocks!

May all your weeds be wildflowers.


- © 2008 by Willy
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Clarity

I realized a few years ago that I need better clarity.

My glasses must need a new prescription, because I hadn't been able to see things well... otherwise I wouldn't have gotten in the trouble I was in.

Then I thought that it was my thinking that was skewed... somehow or other, maybe my brain wasn't working properly.

Could it be, I thought, that it was just my hormones overriding my brain? Thinking with the little head, I heard my son once say.

Surely, this woman, who said she loved me, must be right... there was something wrong with me, she often said, in different ways, over and over again. I couldn't do anything right!

I came to the slow realization that it wasn't me. The problem was her! Oh, shit! She had moved in with me! I had given her a ring! And now what?

So, back to the beginning I went, realizing that I need better clarity all right. It was The Ex's glasses that were broken, and it was The Ex that wasn't thinking right. Her frequent accusations were really about her and her behavior... it was her that was shallow and self-centered, and it was her that just didn't care... she was just around for the free ride.

It was all about her, but I was the provider. I was doing her a disservice by providing, since she needed to stand up on her own two feet and take care of herself, and I needed the clarity obtained by being by myself. So, it took a long while, but provoked by her inviting men over, I asked her to leave and did us both a favor.

I'm sure she's found another provider since. However, I will never run the chance of getting another bitch again.

It's easy to see in hindsight.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Recovery

Recovery as in getting out of depression.

How do you finally quit the crying, climb out of that bowl you're in, get a move on, dare to come out of your shell, get back to the world, and get back to business? One way you could do this, in addition to seeing a psychologist, is to join a support group.

In your support group, you will learn that your recovery has to be selfish. Ask yourself what you need to do to take care of you. Create clarity for you, not for somebody else. There’s no need to explain yourself to others... Detach from others. Tell yourself that you're glad to be you. After all, it’s what you do to you that counts, so stand up on your own two feet and take care of yourself. Don’t give the other person power over you. And always make the choice that brings you peace and serenity.

And you will learn that recovery is a long journey.

By the grace of God go I.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Recovery

As in the road to recovery.

Recovery, from anything, is not quick. Think about however long it took me to get to my predicament (all my life?). Experts say that it will take about half that same amount to get recovered. I thought my own would be quick, but it hasn't been. They say it's the steadfast progress... the journey... that counts, not the perfection. This little ditty says it well (poem by Portia Nelson):

___________________

I walk down the street, and there is a deep hole in the pavement. I fall in. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the street, and there is a deep hole in the pavement. I pretend I don't see it and I fall in again. I can't believe I did it again. It isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the street, and there is a deep hole in the pavement. I see it there. I still fall in because it's a habit. But my eyes are open. I know where I am. It certainly is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the street, and there is a deep hole in the pavement. I walk around it.

I walk down a different street.
___________________


Recovery has to be at my own pace... which has ended up being slow and in stages marked by light bulbs going off in my head accompanied by sounds of "Ahhhh."

By the grace of God go I.

- text other than poem © 2008 by Willy
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How Happy Am I?

I don't expect much and am pleasantly surprised when that's exceeded... which is often. Looking at life with a positive attitude but a low expectation does yield the necessary happiness which is the basis of life. I do get the nice smile, the kind word and even the long hug.

I discovered that my best friends are myself and God. They don't disappoint me or shit on me like relationships end up doing. That doesn't mean an exclusion to other friends. Indeed, those hugs have to come from somewhere!

It's not that I expect everybody to be perfect, but what I'm finding is that the minute there's intimacy, then the criticism and demands start, and I'm just tired of it. All intimate relationships do seems to follow the same course, which is initial exuberance followed by disappointment and finally termination depression. My plan is to balance... to continue to have my friends but not do intimacy. Also, family is good, but some are better than others, actually, some are way better than others, just like friends... some contribute.

Friends, lovers... and family... come and go. Treasure a long, stable, healthy friendship and/or family relationship if you have them.

Low expectations works!

- © 2008 by Willy

P.S., and a hug to you too.

Exciting Hike

It's always exciting to go do an out-of-town hike. The mountains were clear this time, going against their name. At the Smoky Mountains' Ramsey Cascade trail, a big 200-lb mama bear with 3 cubs found us and came towards us. We bunched together, made noise and eventually she went away, but we had a few anxious seconds, which will be retold for hours. A solo hike might have been scary, so there is safety in numbers, if not peace.

The 8-mile Boulevard climb to Mount LeConte took me 4 hours, and I came in 3rd of 16 to the top, beaten by two ladies... one with a bad back and the other with recent knee surgery. Not great but not too bad either.

I continue my Saturday hikes in between my bike commuting, with the Sunday 55-mile loop ride getting shorter lately due to the extreme heat. I've got to admit that I'm now in much better shape for hiking than biking, mostly because there's shade in the mountains. In today's group hike, we did an 8-mile 900-footer in 3 1/2 hrs, with a rescue afterwards. And still lift and do daily cardio at gym.

I do what I can, and I do a lot.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Co-Dependency Tool

When I told my close buddies that I've been doing the 12 steps at Co-Dependents Anonymous, they thought I either had some sort of drinking problem or was dancing Texas cowboy style.

A co-dependent is somebody who provides for a dependent, where that dependent should take care of him/herself and the co-dependent should mind his own business. However, like other things, it's not that simple. Us daddy/mamas are naturally co-dependents when we grow up our babies, and have to moderate and then stop as they grow up and out... and switch to nurturing.

Also, there's subjective judgment about the dependent's capabilities, and many other excuses and false reasoning to co-depend.

Co-dependency happens with relationships, romantic or otherwise. For instance, John, as moderator of my Co-Dependents Anonymous group is himself a co-dependent to the dependent group... of course!

A summary solution of co-dependency is that I must always make the choice that brings me peace and serenity, which is to detach.

Occurring often in relationships for a co-dependent is the quandary on how to nurture but yet not be co-dependent. Fluffy (see comments) has a great short and sweet point when she said that the successful nurturer always keeps him/herself separate from the person being nurtured. When you start confusing your needs with the other's needs, you are in trouble.

I'd better add that to my tool chest... the mental image of a nun slapping a yarstick on a desk saying "AND WHOSE NEED IS THAT?"

It's going to help!

- © 2008 by Willy
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Nurturing

Does your significant other need reinforcement? Tell her you love her and give her a tight hug, and vice versa.

Yeah, right... wish it was that easy!

There are Nurturers lurking out there. And if you find a good one, you're a lucky dog, because there aren't enough to go around. These people have a gift from God... they ARE a gift from God. Their words do to your mind about what a good deep massage does to your body. Notice that there is correlation between nurturing and a positive attitude, a friendly smile, and a hug at just the right time. It would make sense to understand them and perhaps borrow their gift... to nurture others. But it also might be a bad mistake, since it might drive you into a few co-dependencies, which will require you to go to a Co-Dependents Anon group, seriously.



Back in the beginning, it was obvious that a new dependent baby needs nurturing, but sometime in its life it also needs to be kicked out of the nest to fly on its own. [An aside: I'm a grampa!]



Questions: What happens in between? What happens afterwards? How do you nurture and yet not become a co-dependent? And the biggest question of all is how does the nurturer get nurturing in time of need (since we're all human and even Superman falls to kryptonite).

The obvious answer to the latter is that the nurturer needs another nurturer. Answers to the former are not as simple, but are based upon the fact that I can't do it all for everybody.

The fact that a nurturer needs another nurturer should give us a clue. Life is too short to waste, so love the people that treat you right and detach from the ones that drain you. Thus, keep your thinking positive, hang around the right people and be ready with a hug.

Some people matter and always will. Some never did and never will.

Yeah, it CAN be that easy!

- © 2008 by Willy

Who Needs Anybody?

Need to bring in a 4'x4' 100-lb Easy Chair, solo? Who needs anybody! Watch this...
























As easy as rolling a box! Next watch me get in a new 7-foot 200-lb sofa. Hoooaaah! Who needs help? Solo is GOOD!

- © 2008 by Willy
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What It Is

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. That is, what matters is what something is, not what it is called.

People try to hide what they are in executing their deceptions... intentionally become self-deceptive (believe their own bull) so that they appear honest and innocent to others.




But a pig smells like a pig, no matter what she's called.




It is what it is, people are what they are, and there's nothing anybody can do for them. However, there is something we can do for ourselves... examine their deception to figure out what they really are... then leave that pig as soon as possible.

Don't believe the lie... don't fall in their trap and believe their self-deception... no matter who they seem to be, bosses, friends, lovers, whomever. Save yourself!


- text © 2008 by Willy
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Apology To The Ex

Dear Ex...

I would like to apologize to you for assuming that your private assurances to me regarding your desire to cooperate in our efforts to develop our relationship were sincere. I'm embarrassed to admit that after all these years, I failed to interpret your previous assurances as typical rhetoric gloss routinely used to make self-interested posturing appear more noble.

This is based upon a McCain note to Obama during congress. If this is over your head ... Never mind.

Not copyrighted by Willy
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Generations

"If they are happy then they are successful" is the modern generation definition.

My older generation defined success as having enough discipline and sacrifice to save the money to afford house, car and kids, the accouterments that went with it, with the requisite independence and contributions. Happy came a distant sixth.

"How is THAT going to make ME happy?" the newbies chant in unison.

The concept of independence has been lost through the generations. My grandparents were able to build a successful life without WalMart. My concept of independence is to stand on my own two feet and bother others as little as possible. Most of the current generation seems to think nothing of bothering friends and family for menial things like dropping off a car for an oil change. They don't even know where the dipstick is, the dipsticks.

My generation would not even think of moving back home with mom and dad... living in a tent being preferred... but many of the new generation do this with no shame... sponging off mom and manipulating dad.

My grandmother thought of a little fat as being healthy, wealthy and successful, since a little fat allowed a person to survive through a famine better than a thin person. Most of this new generation seems to be pure fat but couldn't survive a single day without food, the softies.

In business, the Peter Drucker generation believe success to be determination, goal setting, concentration and courage. Many of the new generation thinks of business success as being able to get something for nothing. They remind me of an irresponsible puppy, cute and entertaining, but useless.

Will this Rome burn?

- © 2008 by Willy
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You're The One

Yes, you're The Chosen One.

You have tremendous power over yourself, over others and over your environment. Mind you, nothing supernatural like in TV or movies, but amazing and substantial power nevertheless. All you've got to do is think positive... believe it... and work at it responsibly.

I can choose to be whatever I want to be, and do pretty much whatever I want to do... within laws and maybe within physics. Norman Vincent Peale was the first to teach me that, but there are a multitude of others that say the same thing. Don't wait for Godot... quit waiting for somebody to help you or for somebody to help.

A self-reminder: Just do it.

- © 2008 by Willy,
one of The Chosen Ones
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Past and Future

I did not perceive it the same way my parents did, when, as a kid of 10, my family left Cuba for Miami in 1960, a year after Fidel Castro took over.

Like many other countries, Cuba had been governed by one dictator after another and many people were poor and ready for a change.

A young leader came out of nowhere promising change. A young leader that spoke eloquently and passionately. Compared to previous despot, he was the knight in shining armor that would literally take us away from all this. Everybody was in love with him.

Nobody questioned who put him there... where he got his money, who his friends were or what he really believed in. He said he would bring justice and equality to all. He said he would help the poor, bring universal free medical care, and clean up our tarnished reputation.

Everybody wanted change but nobody thought exactly what these changes would be, do and cost. So by the time the opposition went silent, the people's guns had been taken away and there was no liberty left for any. Disagreement ended against bullet-ridden walls in local neighborhood "street court." Everyone was equally poor and hungry, except for Fidel and his committee. Free health care had no doctors and thus was worthless. There was no free press to publish anything but propaganda. There was no real church left either, just a facade. Cuba had been knocked down even below Third-World status, a million were killed and millions left.

Our election-year rhetoric in this country has reminded me much of what happened in Cuba.


Would we in this marvelous country fall for young charismatic leaders with unknown backers who promised change? Would we think about it and ask what kinds of changes? How will they be carried out? What will it cost us? What would they do to us?

Would we?

We have. Two years ago we went for change and elected a Democrat majority congress. Have the last couple of years been good for you? And for the country? Vote for more change this November and we're REALLY going to get it!

We’re not a Third-World country, you say? It happened in Germany, too.

- text © 2008 by Willy
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Working Versus Being There

Why work hard versus just going to work? Why do-the-right-thing and "upset" others instead of just being a buddy and not caring if things get done? Why contribute if you can just do a minimum, chitchat and blow off the day?

I don't know.

That is, I don't know otherwise. Although the word fraud comes to mind as well as irresponsible, immature, useless, and other.

I quit a professional organization three years ago, after 34 years of very active volunteer work because the board was choked down with old deadbeats that didn't do much but get in the way. I got annoyed, recommended that they yield their seats to up-and-coming young 'uns, and quit them.

Deadbeats thrive at work. I always thought the true purpose of a deadbeat is to have a somebody to lay off when layoffs came (but this may not be true, since deadbeats are very friendly good ol' boys). Or maybe their function is to have somebody available for the boss to grade lower than me and thus enable a Gaussian distribution, albeit skewed.

I got rid of a very nice deadbeat a few years ago after three years of no work output. It is frustrating sometimes to work in a place with deadbeats who come in at 9 or 10, take a couple of hours for lunch, then leave early... if they show up at all... be they high-up muckety-mucks or entry level. They can't be avoided, since they permeate society. Personally, I want them away from me, as far as possible. After all, I became an engineer to build machines, not to have to deal with [shudder] people problems. Machines work.

Similarly, I got rid of my deadbeat fiance, "The Ex," last year after 4 years of living together... about 4 years too late. I found great relief when she finally left.

Although there is no training class on how to deal with deadbeats, one thing to consider is that we have been entrusted to be good stewards of our company's money or God's talents, entrusted to you to do a specific job. Another is that we must exercise due diligence in the process. There must be the right work ethic.

If you don't understand these concepts, then please quit and go be homeless on Florida beaches... you'll fit better there. Lead, follow or get out of my way.

- text © 2008 by Willy
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Why Do It?

Have you thought it out? Asked yourself why you do what you do... and gotten a clearly-defined answer?

If so, congratulations! You are part of a very small minority.

(Let's exclude money, sex and power, which, according to Sigmund Freud, are the answers to everything.)

Most of us answer with a generic answer because we really don't know ourselves and don't know why we do things... haven't figured out what drives us, what the emotional needs are, or what is it that makes us feel good.

No matter what the question is specifically, the answers are always the same... for the fun, enjoyment, excitement, feelings, relaxation, fitness, curiosity, being outside close to nature, and (lately) saving gas.

Fun being #1 by far.

The question may be why work, why play, why bike commmute, why hike, why feed the ducks, why landscape, why bike solo, or why a beer with friends.

Why date a floozy?

But it doesn't matter what the question is, the answers are always the same, and it's always a combination of answers. One fellow says he bike commutes for fun, not for the gas savings. I argued that whether he wanted to or not, he was savings gas. Can't but.

The world has no simple answers to simple questions... unless you're 5 and still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Not From Around Here

I've lived in this very small southern city for 37 years, but I'm not from around here and neither is anybody else. Population here tentupled in the last fifty years. We live in California, whereas the rest of the state is in the south. The only rednecks I know are imported and playing at construction.

This, indeed, is a lovely city. Not just for its great jobs and low poverty, low crime and no fear, beautiful view of valleys and mountains, terrific outdoor recreation, and lack of traffic congestion... but also because of its people. Not only do we have many outstanding citizen, but we seem to lack the large mass of idiots pervasive in most societies. Oh, we do have the occasional bigot and bully, but at least an order of magnitude lower than other places. People are genuine and sincerely nice, and there is comparatively little animosity or strife. I have true happiness and a feeling of comfort which is not true outside the city.

For example, a while ago I tried to buy me a gentleman's farm in the surrounding area. Tried several times, actually. Realized that the local country bumpkins were too much for me... at squeezing more money and at neglecting to say the truth (like the land won't pass a perk test for septic tank).

Then there's the neighbors who have a meth lab, the boys that have hunted in that land for generations, and the bubbas that have nothing to do and are jealous, spiteful and destructive... while you work.

So I gave it up, decided to stay in this wonderful city and be glad that I'm not from around here.

- © 2008 by Willy

P.S., yes, I'm still a machine person versus a people person.
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Want to Save the World?

The Pope just denounced "insatiable consumption" as a threat to the world's environment.

We're killing the world allright. In many ways, Mother Nature is upset at us, and one day she's going to blow our fuze. Want to help yourself and save the world... all in one shot? Let me give you some suggestions by example.

I live in the south, where summer consists of most of the year. When my fiance lived with me, the utilities bill was well over $300 a month during hot summer months. We struggled with the thermostat settings on a continuing basis. When she left, I raised the upstairs thermostat setting to 89, shut down the downstairs unit (I don't get in until late), and the utility bill shrank to a little over $100 a month. This summer, I've gone greener... I've shut down both units and bought a $97 window air conditioner for my bedroom, which is the only room I need to be cool, in order to sleep good. Since most electrical generation in this country is coal and oil powered, I'm doing something to reduce our pollution... because of me, less fuel has to burn.

When I bought my current hillside home in 1991, I could see clear to the next county. Now some summer days I'm lucky to see the valley below.

I bicycle to work near-daily on a good day during summer. I have fun, enjoy nature, get fit, save gas money, and prevent several tons of auto exhaust pollution a year... my own car's. I run errands on the bike on the way home, although on Saturdays I do crank up a car to pick up groceries, bird food, and other big or temperature sensitive items. On Sundays, I don't use a car either... I start from the house, bicycle to breakfast and do a long and slow ride for fun and fitness. And I'm NOT a young man.


I also feel good about doing my bit to reduce middle east money and power. Hope we all get on board so that those rich arab muslim extremists eat their oil.

I'm trying to not overeat because I want to improve my overall health and fitness. I've reduced the amount of junk I buy because I have everything I need already, and my needs are small, and I go by the Salvation Army and Goodwill stores. I do agree with the Pope that our insatiable consumption is insane and is killing the world, and it's about time somebody high up recognized it... we little guys in the bottom knew it long ago.

I believe in fixing things from the bottom. In the same way, I really don't care who gets elected, because they are not going to do squat about the awful pollution, terrible economy and high gas prices. I need to save myself, and save this country and the world too.

It's me that solves the problem.

Want to join me?

- text © 2008 by Willy
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Are We OK?

One of the most interesting thing about this past year or so is my fresh understanding of "am I OK?"

I have observed people's behavior with a new perspective. My conclusion is that we're all screwed up. We're not OK. Everybody has a problem, and there's nobody out there that's immune, although there's shades of gray, degrees, or amount, that makes us different... from the walking wounded, to the dead man walking, to the murderer that done it, figuratively and literally.

It all centers on love, money and people. Everybody is looking for love... or at least a kindly smile... and everybody is looking for a handout of some sort. The problem is that seldom are they willing to provide that themselves. There are a lot more looking to receive than are willing to give... maybe a 100-to-1 ratio. It's all giveme, giveme, giveme. There's con men everywhere trying to swindle you, disguised as a pretty girl at the gym or as your best friend. We're depressed, we are dependent and we are crazy.

The most prescribed drugs in this country are antidepressants, at 118 million prescriptions in 2005 (and who knows how many self-medicate at the bar). Given that we are a nation of 300 million, this 118 is an impressive number. My doctor tells me that 40% of U.S. adults are taking antidepressants.

Solutions? There’s no need to explain yourself to others. Decide to take care of yourself. Detach! Seek solitude and do things on your own. Stand on your own 2 feet. Contribute. Give yourself a pat in the back. Be gentle with yourself and with others... and be kind to yourself and to others (but watch it and don't give the wrong impression). Laugh! Don't take things so seriously.

Decide to enjoy life!

- © 2008 by Willy
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Tall Mountain Hiking

I thought I was fit until this week. A week of full-pack backpacking in the Rockies at 10,000 feet humbled me in the climbs... at some places I could only go 30 seconds before I got winded. Although even then we did 10 mile days, it showed me that I need to drop newfound pounds and peg the load on the elliptic and treadmill so I can keep up with my daughter. Hill repeats too. Anybody got a hyperbaric chamber they can loan me? Next year I'm not setting the pace... I'll be in the back instead... so we now have healthy competition brewing. I've gotten soft by hiking and bicycling with buddies my age... I completed a recent hike with them in 4 hours that took them 6. We'll see in August, my next multi-day group hike.

In any case, it was a superb week of terrific tough trails, some suicidal snowfields to transverse, and gorgeous ridge views (thanks to the pine beetle infestation and decimation of the trees).

Have you ever gotten to an impassable 45-degree steep snow and ice field hiding the trail on the end of the second day? Too far invested, I decided to grit my teeth, crouch low, use hand on high left snow, short hiking stick on right low, pray, and move it. If I had slipped, there was nothing to stop me for a few hundred feet, although I'd be rolled into a frozen Popsicle before I hit the trees in the valley below. This suicide snowpass was nature's example of beautiful treachery.

The mountains climbs were a thousand feet at a time, then descend a thousand, and then ascend a thousand again, and again. Just a little more than I'm used to, with a fraction of the oxygen I'm used to. Superb! Exhilarating! Challenging! Healing! Scary!

Tomorrow I'm back to saving the world.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Critters

I live on a fairly naturally secluded subdivision on the side of a mountain, within the city boundary. A huge Target-anchored shopping center is one mile away, at the base of this mountain. A SuperWalmart on the other side. I bought the house because of the view, but a second and best feature is the deep lots. Lots are the 100-ft standard width, but 350 feet in depth, due to a slope ordnance, which mean lots of trees and undeveloped back yards that in turn draw critters of all types.

I have tons of songbirds that come to my many stocked feeders, but also raptors, squirrel, chipmunk, foxes, raccoon, groundhog, possum, deer, skunk, turtle, snakes and who knows what else. Now, I've got to admit that I do feed them all, and that I delight in seeing all my backyard acquaintances. They are entertaining but yet not draining in the sense that if I have to go out of town for work or vacation, I toss gobs of stuff out and let them fend for themselves... like the wild animals they are. The only pet I keep in the house is Rover, my iRobot Roomva vacuum cleaner, that runs around 7-8 pm daily to welcome me home.

I've been learning the names of the different birds that come by to say hi. Many of them are transients. Right now the Ruby Throated hummingbirds are on their way thru. A couple of years ago I heard the very unusual high-pitched sound of the Cedar Waxwing as the pack devoured a berry bush in the side yard. Sometimes these transients have a narrow window... but there's Mockingbird, Cardinals, Wren, Finches, Titmice, Nuthatches and Chickadees permanently here.

I sometimes see other critters while I bike commute or hike, but mostly hear them. Every morning I say hello to Phoebe the Chickadee, Titiu the Killdeer and Twiddle the Wren. My buddy that cuts my grass left me a small 4' copperhead right by my back door, but called me to complain about the pets I keep, so I saw it coming. I bought an inflatable Dolphin and put it in my neighbor's pool while he was on vacation... big goldfish or carp would have been better.

In essence, it's like I live in the country but a mile away from civilization, and I like it.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Today's Prayer

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit

Father, thank you for this day, today. Help me to start this day with a good attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of every minute. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me clear my mind and focus so that I can hear you and yours. Continue to use me to do your will, and give me discernment. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. You have done so much for me. You keep on blessing me. Please forgive me if I have done, said or thought something that was not right.

Father, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Let me not complain over things I have no control over. Let me remember that others learn as they struggle, and I should help but not do for them.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak, and smart so I can teach them. Stay close that I may have encouragement for others. Continue to send me your angels, and those who make me smile.

I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know you. I pray for those that don't believe. I pray for all my brothers and sisters. I pray for peace, love and joy for us all, and that their needs are met not only through you but also through their own hard work. People change through you.

When this world closes in on me, remind me of Jesus' example to find a quiet place to pray... it's the best response when I'm pushed to my limits. I know that when I can't pray, you listen to my heart and mind.

Let me see sin through your eyes and acknowledge it. When I sin, let me remember to repent, confess my wrongdoing, receive your forgiveness, and change.

I know that there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than you. Every battle is in your hands for you to fight. I place my problems and battles in your hands.

I pray that these words be trully received into my heart.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

- not © by Willy

P.S., Lord, thank you for all the opportunity to be courageous, solve problems, exercise serenity, and all the others... but could you please have pity on me and lighten the load? Thanks.