Faith

I have lived a long and good life and my experiences have made a cynic and skeptic out of me. Like Saint Thomas feeling Jesus' nailholes, I believe only what I can see and touch.


Case One:

Although I've been blessed to have been surrounded mostly by good people, I can't help but notice the huge variability. Just like there have been horrible people, there are some at the other end of the distribution too... I've seen and touched people who are sweet, sensitive, tender, empathetic, caregiving, loving and have a positive attitude. They exist. I'm deeply impressed by them, and thankful... I feel blessed to have the gift of these friendships. There is good in this world, just like there is evil too.

I believe in angels.


Case Two:

When my young son took up skateboarding many years ago, he hurt himself many a time skating down the steep driveway. That didn't mean that I was a bad father for allowing it to happen. It was his decision. In every case, I picked him up, and took him to the emergency room. The same is true for me and my Father... when bad things happen, in every case, He is right there to pick me up. He's touched me.

I believe in God.


- © 2009 by Willy

Everything Matters

In Chaos Theory, a butterfly's wings move a blade of grass, which moves others and the change carries forward around the world and may result in a cyclone.

Everything matters because everything affects every other thing. Everything is connected. It was exampled in Jimmy Stewart's “It's a Wonderful Life” movie. More recently, when the government said we're going to put all this corn in our gas tank... it did not intend to cause food riots in Mexico, but it did.

Anybody's action affects every other person. Yawning and happiness are both contageous. Highup muckety mucks believe they influence us little guys, but us little guys could affect them too.

There are no random, independent acts... they are all connected, and good comes from all this. Each life affects the other and the other affects the next. The world is full of stories but the stories are all one.

We might have priorities due to our limitations, but everything we say and do is important and world-changing.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Trouble

You have known people that are just trouble. Matter of fact, you might have married her like I did, and then some time later forgot and looked for another just like that again. Duh! Maybe I've liked trouble, but most likely I've responded to attention, getting further involved in the excitement... and the trouble.

Now I fear trouble and stay away from it. Trouble... that says it all. Whether it's the difficult and nasty micromanager for a project at work, or the flirty gal in the bike club looking for a provider, I want none of that, and I straightforward state so up front. Now when I see those people I see a big "Touble" neon sign above their heads, and I duck away.

I like my relatively uncomplicated life.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Conflicts

You know this: Many relationships are based on a struggle that reflect the conflict between facing the painful realities of insincerity and desperately wanting to keep the hope alive of what the relationship could have been. It's tough to reconcile the fairy tale with the cold tactics of unfaithfulness. At this stage the relationship is out of control and begging or other one-sided displays of emotion really means nothing to the other except to indicate that it is they, not us, who are in control, and there really is no hope to be treated well.

Well, life is no fairy tale. When is it over? In hindsight, insincerity and infidelity should always define the end of a relationship. Giving the benefit of the doubt does not extend forever. We are what we are, and don't change our spots. Listen for the hate tones, open your eyes to the cruelty and trust outside observers. Took me too long, but I finally quit. Best way to fix it? Don't get into one to begin with. That's been my resolution... and my prayer.

- © 2009 by Willy

I Strayed

I have some wonderful friends.

I've had a support system for many years. For thirtysome years I've had the same mentors. For twentyfive years I've used a dry cleaner. For twentyone the same lady has cleaned my home. For seventeen I've lifted with the same trainer. For the last dozen years I've seen the same massage therapist. For the last ten the same fellow has cut my grass.

The same is true for other friendships at work, gym and elsewhere. I maintain close contact with many friends, meeting over coffee, bicycling, hiking or just visiting. These are strong bond friendships, which have lasted me far, far longer than any intimate relationship or marriage... and about as long as my oldest machine. I've continued to be blessed by receiving wonderful new empathetic, caregiving friends.

I've been no island. I do need others. I am not really as independent as I fantasize, nor as afraid of people as I thought.

Unfortunately, having the typical "guy independence" has backfired... I just hurt a friend's feelings because I did not ask her to help. It felt like I was being unfaithful to my wife (oh, well... another guy screws up again). I've got to say "Yes," and make it a resolution to ask for and accept help, accept compliments and accept whatever others offer to give me. I'm not the only giver.

- © 2009 by Willy

Words

"Do you want me to come visit you?" said my wife on the phone as I lay in a hospital bed after a wreck, in May 1982. It was a terrible thing to say at a horrible time. I had no response. She didn't visit, and we divorced soon after that.

"You were terrific!" said the note from friend Donna. It was January 1987 and I had just sat down from giving a talk. It was a nice thing to do. I still have that note tacked up, and I still smile.

We have to be VERY careful with what we say. Words are powerful. They can be used to curse or bless, to be angel or demon... or anything in between. We've all experienced a broken heart, probably more than once, and suspect that in some suicides... words can kill.

Everything we say and do matters, and it is our decision... an awesome responsibility and a powerful choice... to effect good or bad. To better the world, or not.

On the other hand, everything is also a test, disguised to give you the freedom of choice. We'll eventually be held accountable, here... and there too.

-© 2009 by Willy

Blessings

"May you live in interesting times."

This ancient Confucian curse is sometimes misunderstood as a blessing by the inexperienced young. Us old farts know better. Having had a life full of "interesting" times, we seek the simplicity of yore. If we're blessed, we eventually attain this state of being, and are truly thankful of such.

It helps to think positive, but blessings are in the eye of the beholder, as one man's trash is another's blessing. "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting" (Star Trek's Spock). Not only is everything relative to each other but also to time.

For a youngster, we should wish that lack and struggle only serve to make them stronger.

A blessing to middle-aged people is a wish that every doubt and fear be replaced by a deep abiding trust as they observe evidence of a higher being all around them.

A blessing to solitary old geezers is to tell them to be aware that they are loved beyond measure. But I'll take any kind of attention whatsoever, having no shame.


- © 2009 by Willy

Fantasy v. Reality

I got around to reading the comics early today when I just about spit out my coffee. One of the measures of mental health is demarcation between reality and fantasy. There it was... in black and white (and pastels)... a perfect example. Of course, comics are the classic media used in identifying with a current topic, so a lot of us think thusly, but I've been wondering lately about just where the point of perspective is from which to look at oneself in determining sanity.

Or, better... did I wake up this morning?


- © 2009 by Willy

The Path Well Traveled

Unlike Robert Frost, I took the path most traveled.

Since the beginning, I took a path forward that appealed to my interests, a path that satisfied my curiosity, and a path that was easy given my talents.

As a boy, I took apart toys, figured how they worked and put them back together. A top was magic. A camera was a wonder. As a young man, I brought home every piece of junk piled on the street. I tinkered with cars before I could drive 'em. My bolt-action .22 was interesting but a semiauto gun was a marvel. I wondered why the doctors did not just coat my grandmother's bone joints with Teflon to reduce friction and improve action and I was fascinated with the concept of the human body as a bio machine of bones and muscles as levers and actuators. This all came easy for me because it fascinated me. An engineer was the easy way forward, and one that appeared to be the well-traveled path.

At school I had A's in "interesting stuff" and B's in the required humanities (who cared for a topic so subjective that it had no wrong answer?). For my BS I took every course offered in electronics and computers, resulting in a double major. For my MS I completed the required PhD courseload and I wrote a kickass thesis that was used as teaching material at UCLA. I continued towards a PhD and took every course in electrical engineering except electronics (done that for the BS) and many in other disciplines. I was just taking was what interesting and thus easy.

In the sixth grade, Robert Frost's poem intrigued me... why didn't he check out ALL the paths?

I took the course most traveled, I contributed, and made a difference. I am the better for it.


- © 2009 by Willy

Retirement?

My backyard is full of wildflowers, of all kinds, from March to October, with Indian Pink out now, next to fading Rue Anemone and Common Violet. It starts with the Daffodils, followed by the Periwinkle and Bradford Pear. The Elderberry tree flowers right at tax day every year.

From my front porch I watch beautiful sunsets most of the year. There's nobody around at home to bother me, but all year long the wild birds I feed adorn my deck as well as my bike-commuting route, along with squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, skunks, turtles, foxes, deer and the occasional snake. I'm healthy and fit enough to hike, bike and lift, and do so, although much more so on weekends, so that I'm glad when Monday rolls around so I can rest.

Since I've been in the same line of work for 38 years, I get a great sense of accomplishment and enjoyment out of my contributions and the busy days. I'm old and up enough so that I do what I want... although I aim to serve. I enjoy my work and my peers and I bring in cakes to enjoy celebrating our birthdays.

I have breakfast or lunch with good old friends on a regular basis. I love machines, so I have 3 cars and 4 bicycles which I use regularly. I fly some for business, have regular adventure vacations, and visit family. A day seldom goes by without having given me many smiles.

Why in the world would I want to change this?

Retire? Retire from what?

And marry? Yeah, right.



- © 2009 by Willy

Money:

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

Like many things, money can do good as well as bad. Just like some people are wonderful and some are butts. Religion teaches the facts of greed but then the pastor sells salvation. Just like paying lip service to a balanced budget but going on a spending spree. People can get greedy, and many do. After the necessities are covered, why would anybody want more? It's disgusting.

Can you tell it's Sunday?


-© 2009 by Willy

P.S., "With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and my crooked arm for a pillow, is not joy to be found therein?" - Confucius, a looong time ago.

The Happiness Epidemic

Happiness can be caught like the flu. Yesss!

We are social animals. We share the flu, and we share our behavior too. Just like being fit is "in" and smoking is "out," other social behavior, like happiness, can catch on. We can catch a case of Happy. Or, conversely, happiness propagates... like kindness.

Time magazine reported in a terrific article last Christmas that Harvard social scientist Dr. Nicholas Christakis and UC San Diego's James Fowler announced last year the results of a 20-year study of 5,000 people showing that emotions can pass among a network of people. Your happiness may be determined by your friends' friends. Or your happiness can infect your friends and, in turn, their friends. What a nice flu to catch!

This might explain why we like happy people and like to hang around them. Birds of a feather flock together.

How the hub (me!) becomes happy to begin with is based upon a positive attitude... and a decision. But the point is that it goes both ways... I can draw happiness as well as generate it.

Everything matters... everything you do and say has positive (or negative) repercussions. Want to make your world better? Be happy, be kind, and be a good example.


- © 2009 by Willy

It's In The Hands

Aretha Franklin asked how-can-she-tell-if-he-loves-me in her song "It's In His Kiss." She said we can't tell by looking in the eyes, the face, by an embrace, nor by the way they behave... it was all in the kiss. It made a good song, but was dead wrong. It's all in their behavior, and watching them gives them away.

I believe that you can tell a whole lot about another person by watching their hands and what they do with them.

If she's wringing her hands, she's stressed, but at what? If his arms are crossed and folded, watch out. If her handshake is too strong, she's domineering. If his hand is asking for money or just taking it from your purse, he's a leach you don't want. If her hands are tatooed, she's self-centered and has no room for you. If his hands are on the keyboard or phone and he's ignoring you, you mean nothing to him.

If her hand's index finger is pointing at you, she's transfering blame and life will be hell. If it's his middle finger he's showing you, put some space between you. If her hand is on your butt, she's got a one-track mind and she's no good. If his hand is clenched into a fist, get out now while you can.

If you allow your heart in her hands, you've made a mistake. If your own hands are continuously paying for everything, you're screwing up here too.

If she's using her hands to plant a tree or to perform work, that's as it should be. If his hands are curled around a handlebar, he's having fun, but if it's a golf club, you'll be a widow. If she's giving you a hand, that's terrific. If his hands are resting in his lap, he's relaxed and listening to you. If her hands are laced on her head, she's fun. If his hand is waving at you, he likes you. If her hands are massaging you, you have not one care in the world.

If his hands are praying, if her hands are holding yours gently, or protecting you, or if they are caring and serving hands, or one arm is around your back with hand on shoulder, giving you a hug when you need it... you found a great friend indeed. Treasure this one.

-© 2009 by Willy

Amazing

There's this rotten tree on my favorite hiking trail. It's about 18 inches in diameter at eye level and about twenty feet tall, so it must weight a ton or two. For years it's been dead and completely rotten, but still there, at the side of a mountain road. It delights me to see my old friend still standing. I can't see what's holding it up other than a wish and a prayer. Probably the same wish and prayer that holds me up too.

Thanks, whoever you are, that's doing the wishing and prayering. And a wink and a nod.

- © 2009 by Willy