Again to Social Bike Riding

I'm not used to bicycle riding with others, but did go a couple of hours today to accompany my friend Dave and some of his pack. This was Dave's first ride since he collided with a truck during a descent about a month ago. He had said he needed a wheel but it was me who was sucking wheel. Groups have a way of getting you motivated. Conversely, riding solo means that you can slow down to any speed, sightsee and lollygag... and lose fitness.

Now, I do like to sightsee and lollygag. It's a quiet time to observe nature, think and pray... but I do recognize that I need my fitness too to keep the pounds off and the juices flowing. A good friend of mine my age went into the hospital this weekend... yes, Thanksgiving... with congenital heart failure.

Our ride today was between one rainstorm and another. Early today it was raining buckets, then it was sunny briefly while we rode, and I got back home at about the time the sky opened up again. Our timing was good and with temps in the 40's, it was a nice ride.

And, no, I decided not to go up into the Smokeys to do some cold weather backpacking because of the precip added to the temps meant road closures like last weekend's. Instead, I hiked locally, hit the gym and biked today. I'll try again over the Christmas weekend.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Bright

This year brought the brightest yellow fall folliage I can remember. I don't know which it is... my eyes or my memory that is failing. Either way, the last week or two have been beautiful to me. I love this time of year, with the beautifully colored leaves finally carpeting the trail.

It is one cold weekend here... it was 20 degrees last night although the high today was 50. I hiked yesterday and today, although I'm looking forward to bicycling thru the piles of leaves stacked by the sidewalks.

The air is clear and sunsets are all colorful and gorgeous. Last night I saw the Space Station and Shuttle at sunset just left of Jupiter and Venus on an arc straight up.

Yesterday I trampled off-trail in the woods with a rockhound buddy, getting snagged by briars and stomping on poison ivy, but scoring me some firewood. Today I did a more familiar 6-mile, 2-hour, 900-ft climb... my favorite... after breakfast.

I'm considering going to the Smokeys to hike for the 4 days of Thanksgiving next week. Have to do some homework on what's open and closed.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Grief

Am I through with my grief? It's been a year and a half, and many other crises and events have come and gone since The Ex and I broke up and I got depressed. So, let's go through it, for self-analysis, historical documentation and lessons learned.


The Ex went through the depression first, with many demands for control without compromise, her words breaking my heart. This stage lasted four years, beginning immediately upon moving in. All we were was lousy roommates. I realized that I made a huge mistake. When she finally made her decision that I was insignificant, she became happier, proclaimed an end to the relationship and started inviting other men over, which was her way to begin recovery. Her abuse was my breaking point.

My grief started when I then had to accept her decision and invited her out. In this case saying goodbye was definitely the right thing to do. Four months after voicing her decision, and after getting her income tax refund, she finally moved. I immediately took a week off to clean up the house, took a vanfull to her, four truckloads to charity and filled up a construction dumpster. I remodeled the house. I took many showers to scrub her stink off.

Unlike her, I refused to date new people as a recovery technique, preferring the simplicity of solitude. I then went into a depression tailspin, pills and all. I went into a loop in which I ranged from extreme work and exercise to sitting at home crying. I had a tough time and this lasted for months. Searching for help, I joined a weekly support group that I still attend. I recognized that it was unrequited love, that I provided the free ride and that's all I was to her. I've forgiven myself for making that mistake and am satisfied and at peace with myself now. Unbelievably, I'm still in love with her, but I CHOSE to quit thinking about her and do a complete cutoff, with no looking back, which was quite the struggle and the hardest thing ever to get off my mind.

So I'm well, my grief has been over for quite a while, and I'm a changed man. I now thoroughly enjoy my peace and quiet, and I do enjoy myself. Since I sleep better, I feel stronger, work more efficiently, bike and hike more and longer, and lift heavier weights. I'm friendly, I laugh more and I whistle down the halls. I celebrate life. I've gone to the occassional party but don't stay long, since I don't want to make another mistake. Most importantly, I contribute again.

Last year, I teared often and heavily. This year I laugh so hard that I cry.

And that's my grief story in a nutshell, for the books.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Blessing

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Father, we all have some kind of battle we're fighting, so it's nice to get an occasional kindness and blessing. We all suffer the consequences of living in this world and need to receive the Holy Spirit in a very real way... through other people.

Father, bless my daughter in whatever it is that You know she may be needing this day. May her life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Enlarge her thinking, be with her, keep her from evil, help her with her burdens and keep her from grief. (1 Chr 4 10)

May the Lord look upon you kindly, give you peace and continue to bless you that you may yourself continue to be a blessing to others.

Amen.

-Dad

P.S., And may the good Lord hold you in the palm of his hand.
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Buy Low?

I noticed that Circuit City just filed for bankruptcy protection and its stock dropped to eleven cents a share. Sirius-XM's has been below a quarter and bankruptcy is expected next year. Both of these two companies could recover nicely in years ahead, returning maybe five times my investment today. On the other hand, the thousands invested could just go down a rabbit hole, never to be seen again. It is a lot like Las Vegas casino gambling.

The same can be said for a troubled relationship. It's a gamble to buy low... and invest time and money in a relationship in trouble... with the hope of recovery, if it will just go to hell anyway. It's a crap shoot here too. Is throwing dice all we can go on?

Of course, I've had my good moments when I bought high on a relationship... I will cherish the times my relationships elated me, before the trouble started. Relationships consume, and sometimes it's just time to go on. So, maybe the trick with relationships is to buy high and sell low. Some things work opposite of others. That is, if you opt for a relationship at all. It may be best to stay out of that market too.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Wells and Relationship Rules

Yes, everybody's different. Some people don't miss the water until the well runs dry. Then some other people keep looking for new, multiple wells... And never have to worry about water. Likewise, some people just leave dry wells as their legacy in life... suck the life out of their relationships, then discard the bodies.

So how can a relationship of two people ever succeed? Can two people agree to anything at all in order to have a long-term relationship, or are we resigned to a series of long dates or short marriages?

Hell, I haven't done it well, but there are some overlaps or commonalities in the volumes of books out there that may constitute basic rules.

- You have to at least like... if not love... the other, and be enthusiastic about him/her. If you're just after getting a paid ride, go get welfare, not a lover.

- You have to be compatible and honest to develop trust. If one of you steals the other's prescription pills, there is not a chance in hell to even start a relationship, because there will be no trust. Trust in God and in each other. Without trust, there is nothing. If you have nothing...

- There has to be an understanding about exclusiveness. Open relationships imply no commitment, and there is no trust and no care... you're just roommates. If you're just playing with a bunch of people to see what you can get, I hope you get what's coming to you.

- Give. Contribute! If one gives and the other takes, the giver will get sick of it when the infatuation smoke clears. And I mean giving love and caring, no matter what, with no conditions. Yes, a real tough one and the one that may break it long-term.

- Give the benefit of the doubt and always assume positive intent. Have a positive attitude and positive expectation about your relationship. No faultfinding. No fixing. No jabs. No punishment. No yelling but no passive-aggressive shit either. Absolutely essential.

- Communicate often how you feel and what to do, since you're a couple now, not independent operators... the other should matter. This does not mean tell him or her what to do, nor demand things from the other, it means coordinate to do things with and spend time with each other.

- Respect the other, and his/her wishes. Put them high in your priorities. Don't take him/her for granted. Don't change him/her... instead take him/her as they are. Limit the amount of stuff you ask them to do and to change, or they will resent that. But if this doesn't come from within, you'd better address it quickly (Is she using you? Are you using her?).

- Commit to be together. If you expect the relationship to fail, it will. If you go day-by-day, it might do that. If you are just using him/her until you can find somebody better, you're disgusting and should put yourself away. Machines such as bikes don't do that, ad notwithstanding.


- © 2008 by Willy

Fright Night

My support group's moderator had an election night party last week, which, following that close to Halloween, was dubbed the Fright Night.

I am not a party person, but I looked forward to it and went. I was not surprised to find a huge variety of very entertaining people who were fighting or had fought some devil within. This is my second foray with this group... the first a dozen years ago... so I knew these folk and it was definitely not expected to be a meat market.

It's been obvious to me that I will continue to meet with this group, long term. Just like I understand the good in my core values, I also admit to my inability to deal with many people and the periodic conflict inherent there... for life. I accept myself unconditionally, where I am.

I am not unique, but just part of the population. Although I have cousins blessed with long and rewarding marriages, there are also those like me... that have escaped the surly bonds of endearment. What makes the difference is the same traits, philosophy and perhaps subjectiveness as to Why We're Here.

Cousin Carlos... saint Carlos... was able to deal with my mother in a way I could not. On the other hand, cousin Alberto was good to me but terrible with his own son and daughter.

I love good people but can't tolerate fools. In between these extremes is my problem. I'll never figure out people but I can live among them to a limited amount. I will continue to learn as a necessity and as a curiosity. People are now under my microscope.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Touchstones

I'm visiting family this weekend, centered on my eightynine year old aunt Melita... the last of the elders of a large, tightly knit, ethnic family, now in assisted living... a place she calls her cushy prison. Today we had brunch at a nice ethnic restaurant and went sightseeing along old traunts. Also visited Delia, a cousin with Alzheimer's. Tomorrow, we have brunch at Caloli's (one cousin) and dinner at Carolina's (another cousin).

I am not used to the rapid and multiple conversations of my old cultural family group... sometimes they talk and listen to three conversations simultaneously... it's like having had a dozen cups of coffee, so even though I thoroughly enjoy them, I also enjoy the peace and quiet of my motel room afterwards.

Monday, I have all to myself, so I'm renting a bicycle to retrace some of my childhood rides... newspaper routes, school routes, and church routes, mostly... there was no family nor personal car 'till college, and I was and still am very hyperactive, independent and adventuresome, so I rode everywhere, in all weather.

What I am and do now is just an extension of what I was and did as a kid. There have been gradual evolutionary improvements, but no radical changes. From bringing home discarded TVs for parts to designing high-tech equipment, and from toys to the real things. I've avoided people all the way. I am what I am, and have always been. And aunt Melita is a touchstone I use to measure not only how far I've gone but if I've stayed on course. She'd tell me if I don't notice... and so would my many cousins.

My life's always been in forward motion, and will continue to be... quite the chicane.

- © 2008 by Willy
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Almost missed it!

I had the Scheduled Task set wrong for the time change from Daylight Savings Time today, and almost missed the sunset.

I've been celebrating sundown, when possible. No, I'm not Jewish or Celt and don't live in Key West either. I just want to thank God for another beautiful day, and thus another opportunity to contribute. Life is all about contributing. The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.

I live on the side of a mountain and the sunsets are gorgeous. Years ago, my son used to say that I should record these sunsets. My response to him was that there was no reason for that... there's a new sunset every evening and thus there's a new opportunity every day.

Let me stress that... there are new opportunities every day. Just like there is a new bus every 15 minutes. I do keep having to remind myself of this.


- © 2008 by Willy
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