Understanding Engineers

An engineer is born, not made. Shocking, isn't it? He's the kid who blows the fuses, breaks his own nose, almost drowns in a pool, collects every neighborhood TV thrown out, actually liked High School math and science, and stays a virgin through college. The one that had an uncontrollable urge to show his parents better ways to do things, even though they didn't care.

Beware of wolves in geek guise... a degree does not an engineer make!

For a true engineer, happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in depth... happiness is to tinker. An engineer doesn't idle well.

True engineers know Pi, e, c, the square root of 2, the sine of 30, and the log of 5... just because. Who wouldn't?

Engineers think highly of their abilities. Surely you've heard of the old codger of a retired engineer who was called by his company to figure out what was wrong with an old machine. He listened to it then wrote equations on the chalkboard and finally circled his answer. When asked to itemize his bill, he wrote "Chalk $1, knowing what to write $9,999." He was hoping his old company wouldn't bother him again.

To an engineer, shaft alignment is critical, but not sexual harassment. When you overhear him muttering he's going to pump it 'till it blows, he's just having trouble conducting a test. When he asks "Are you getting enough head?" he is problem-solving, not prying into your personal life. However, he might get in trouble with the procurement gal when he asks her for some nipples.

In engineerese, when an engineer tells you that he'll look into it, he is not brushing you off... but it will take him a while to play with it. Everything to him is either things that needs fixing or a thing that will need fixing after he plays with it. Engineers like to solve problems, so if there is no problem, he will create his own.

No engineer looks at a gadget, like a television remote control, without wondering what it would take to turn it into something more "useful." Those new defibrillators showing up in hallways make great bench power supplies.

There are two kinds of engineers: the ones who like risk and the ones who don't. The ones who like risk become rocket scientists, and the others become their managers.

The fastest way for a manager to solve an engineering problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case.

Another management ploy is to threaten to give the tough problem to another engineer. Nothing is worse to an engineer than the suggestion that somebody else has more technical skill.

Thus, engineers don't like their managers. An engineer figures that the less you know, the more you make... and can prove this mathematically. Geeks may inherit the earth but have no wish to rule it, so a manager will stay out of the engineer's way if he knows what's good for him.

Engineers are different from mathematicians. For one thing, engineers don't shine their shoes. Also, whereas a mathematician believes in eventually reaching the correct answer to 10 places, engineers believe a two-digit guess now is good enough.

And our Southern engineers are different from their Yankee brethren. Only our engineers would calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support an 8-pound possum 6 feet from the trunk (know the answer?).

An engineer not in a relationship has the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be accused of sleeping on the job or pronounced dead prematurely. It's best to just wait and see if he comes out of it... with an answer.

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer. Assuming the basic needs for warmth and decency have been satisfied, anything else is a waste.

An engineer's objectives for boring social interaction is to get it over with as soon as possible, or to avoid getting invited to begin with. Engineers prefer machines. Some non-geeks say engineers ARE machines... we appreciate the compliment.

Dating is tough for engineers. Others create a false impression of attractiveness, but engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Unfortunately, engineers are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house or fixing your PC... and have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity... resulting in the inevitable disrupting divorce with child support and alimony. Wolves abound on all sides.

As an aside, if you are a young engineer, my suggestion is to get a vasectomy NOW, while you can... too late for me, save yourself!

Eventually, this too is forgotten because, to the engineer, the world is a wonderful toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys to play with.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Happiness

The pursuit of happiness? Yeah, that one.

Happiness is not the same for everybody.
For monks, happiness is abstinence, poverty, fasting and celibacy. For some people it's money and power... or debauchery. For most of us is finding love and kindness from others.

To me, happiness is wanting and appreciating what I've already got, as compared to success, which is getting what you want.

Happiness is having low expectations... by doing so, you're rarely dissapointed... and are happy when things turn out not quite as badly as expected.

Happiness is contentment, feeling secure and having no worries. Feeling less stress at work and not worrying about money. And having close friends and family.

Happiness is an attitude I must choose, a decision I make, now, and in advance. Whether I'm going to have a good day or not largely depends on my attitude and my decision to see life in that way. A driver could be an idiot, or somebody could be nasty, or just irresponsible. It doesn't matter and I don't care. Bad stuff happens... it's how I choose to react that counts.

You do what you want... I choose to be quietly content.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Dear Ex

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring, to give your heart a song to sing. I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love.

All that I did, I did out of heartfelt love for you. You don't understand this because you've never been in love. I don't think you've been capable of it.

I do pray that you do become capable of love, and that you do fall deeply in love... love is beautiful, you'll see... and if you get lucky, your lover will break your heart like you did mine... and you'd then get the breadth of it.

In the meantime, I've finally moved on. Just like you did years ago. And I'm in love again... I love responsible, mature people who are kind and helpful, who trust, contribute, compliment, and respect, with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing. Nothing like you.

You can keep those clueless friends you poisoned.

I smile, I laugh, I whistle tunes, and I love life again.

I wish you love.

- most of this text © 2007 by Willy
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P.S., I was the rocket scientist you met cycling... blue bike.
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Reality

Pigs do fly, hell does freeze over, and we do eat our words, on a regular basis. At least I surely do. It seems that emotions do prevail over logic, or that form trumps function, and that the unwanted and impossible happens. Some of this is bad... and some of it is good, depends on how you take it. The skyscraper that survives an earthquake is not the strongest but the most flexible. Ditto for trees in a hurricane.

It's sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between reality and fantasy, and thus understand what's happening. The best laid plans do sometimes fail, and it seems that setting and following some goals is fruitless as compared to waiting for opportunity. Maybe the key is to be flexible... to be prepared and to be ready... so that when opportunity knocks... or the hurricane happens... AND we recognize it... we can deal with it.

When a badass in a meeting spews his bile, it does absolutely no good to confront him, but instead it's best to keep your cool... and be flexible... like the tree in a hurricane.

It's an attitude.

When you realize that you are not significant to your significant other, then be flexible... roll with the punch, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, stand up tall and smile. Yes, much easier said than done here too.

Engineering teaches to identify and assess, develop solutions, implement them, and evaluate results. And sometimes it works (luck!), but most of the time, the intricacies of each of those simple words make it impossible to do, and flexibility... trying out many different solutions... is the way. Or at least works great with machines.


Like the bumper sticker on redneck pickup trucks: Reality Happens. The key is to recognize it, and bend like a tree... in your own grove!




- © 2007 by Willy
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Rejoice!

Christmas is almost over! Rejoice! Yes, a Bah Humbug to you.

Who can possibly like the horrible crowds and the maddening traffic that is Christmas? The huge expense in time and money? The waste and inefficiency at work? The bother of putting up with bad relatives? The debilitating stress? The craziness?

No, nobody, and neither can I... whether we admit it or not. What we do is to grit our teeth, put up with it, send out the stupid Christmas cards, buy the dam' presents, and take a chill pill.

Then, sometime, the cards are sent, the sales are over, the people finally go, the place gets quiet and we all take a day off. I start reading the emails rather than deleting them unread. I finally catch up at work, and relax at home laughing at the drunks on TV... which reminds me to make a resolution.

Thinking about this last year I feel my 2007 is summarized as "Fate's here to see you and she's brought her wire cutters." To which a good friend replied that this was over, and now "God's here to see you and He brought you His love."

And I smile, and rejoice.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Tokens of Love

A puppy's love for his surroundings and for you who feeds him is refreshingly innocent, and his licking your face is definitely a token of his love.

A mother's concern and love for her young offspring as they grow up lasts forever... or until they become horrible teenagers. Everything the offsprings require is delivered as a token of mom's love.

Puppy love and concern-love also happen between adults, but only until the romantic love honeymoon is over... a year or two. The hugs and other tokens stop at the same time love does. Why is there this timeline with adults? Typically the woman falls in love first, then the man, then the woman's love dies, leaving the man confused. Why does love die?

Bicycling through colors of swirling falling leaves in the Fall is a terrific experience, and one which is a token of God's love for us. Beautiful sunsets. Success. Luck. Many unexplained good things happen, even though we don't deserve them. These are yet more tokens of love for us. But these, unlike man's, don't stop... and His love doesn't die.

I'll take His hugs over hers anytime.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Fantasies

"If those kids can bicycle 100 miles, then so can I." - me. This comes straight out of Middle-Age Ego and does not take into account... my age, weight and fitness level, and their age, weight and fitness level. Riding 100 miles in one sitting is tough on the tush. Ouchie! Some fantasies hurt!

I had an outside thermometer that read about 10 degrees too warm, and I loved this known fantasy, which helped me think positive: "It's not bad out there... I'm going riding!" Some fantasies can be helpful.

"Thanks" often really translates to "Kiss my butt." Usually said by new, young, women when I open a door for them. It's the way they say it. I smile back and fantasize that I'm a gentleman. Fantasies are definitely one-sided.

"All I want for Christmas is you." - Mariah Carey and lots of others. Pure Hollywood bull. Some fantasies are widespread.

Innocent and over 30? - my ex. Yeah, right. Another great fantasy but really a double bull... more like immature and irresponsible than innocent.


"I work out every day, am a beautiful, independent, adventurer." - my ex. In my experience this was her self-deception and self-fantasy, and what I really found was "Fat, shallow and self-centered parasite who will sleep with all your friends."

So, a pretty, active, innocent, independent young lady loves me and likes to sleep with me? - I believed it, of course... my fantasy and my self-deception... and I believed it for years. It was a good fantasy, but the reality was that she was just another bitch. And the world turns, and I laugh. Some fantasies are funny.

It's not the miles but the smiles.

Live well, laugh often and love much... but don't succumb.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Have Faith

Whether I believe in God or not, he exists anyway... so why believe? Or why not believe? Or why not, not believe?

It is easy to ignore something that happens normally, something that we expect, like the sun coming up every morning, the birds flying around, the leaves rustling, or a beautiful sunset... even though these are all miracles... but the unexpected long-shots grab my attention. When the right people happen to call me, when my thoughts drift in a specific and unusual direction, when the right answers and solutions come readily...

When coincidences happen that shouldn't...

Then I get goose pimples in the back of my head, I pay very close attention to my world, fall to my knees symbolically, and look for and appreciate the tokens of His love around me. I again realize that everything that happens in my life is part of His plan. I smile appreciatively and recognize that I am lucky because I don't know where earth stops and heaven begins. I pray for friends and foes alike. And I know it's going to be a wonderful world.

Why believe? Probabilities!

- © 2007 by Willy

P.S., Look for the perfect mistakes, too.
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Fears

I have my fears, like everybody else. My fears don't drive me but detour me.

I'm afraid of doing too much for the dependant types out there, because they will never learn how to take care of themselves or others. And what a world we'd have if everybody was in lululand and nobody knew how to take care. Oh... we're there already!

I'm afraid of some people's unlimited appetite for cruelty. I can't ever predict what people are going to do... but I do know for certain that intimates have screwed up my life. I know that intimates started nice but eventually demanded control and pressed every button to be cruel and mentally abusive. Machines can't be cruel or abusive.

I'm afraid to love again, fall in unrequited love again, and get depressed again. This last honey about killed me with "love."

I'm afraid of being forced into a lack of continuity... like getting abandoned by friends or family, having to move, losing my memories due to fire, having to change jobs, and the like.

Isn't everyone afraid?

Scientists at Tokyo University say they were able to successfully switch off a mouse's instinct to cower at the smell or presence of cats - showing that fear is genetically hardwired and not learned through experience, as commonly believed.

Saint Thomas Aquinas said that hopelessness and despair are the devil's main weapon against us.

In order to fight these fears, I have to remember to allow the dependents to hit bottom and pick themselves up; to give up romantic relationships and just stick with friends; to provide continuity to my kids, family and friends; to continue to do the best I can possibly do; to continue to invite God into my life and look for His tokens of love for me.... and to laugh a lot.

I'm not afraid of any physical crash and burn situation, just the mental ones.

Psychologists justifiably make their fortunes on fear and depression.


- © 2007 by Willy
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Character

Character, it is said, is what you are when nobody's looking.

So, just what is it you are... when everybody's looking?

I just returned home from an interesting geek conference. A narrow-field technical group that gossips about what has gone wrong, what they did about it, and what's coming next. Being a cross-section of nerds, there were the good ones and the bad ones. There were the lazy ones and the hardworking ones. Some were helpful and some were not. Most were there for networking in some form or another, and there was a lot of job shopping. But they were all... interesting... in some way or other. And they were all characters.

A hundredsome of us stayed cooped up all day in a big motel conference room, voluntarily, for a solid week. Most went off to spend the evenings eating, drinking... and networking. Reminded me of the opposite of an ant colony, since most were not workers but rather were looking to use the information and work of the others. Their success at work was based upon networking.

During the offtime, I went to the gym next door instead. I've been successful because I do and I contribute... not because I use interesting others. I'm not controversial and I blend in, but I lead. I volunteered to host the conference in two years.

I've been... doing... since I was 11, whereas others have been carried. That's what I am.

I yam' what I yam'
and that's all that I yam'.

That's my "character," whether somebody's looking or not.

- © 2007 by Willy
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