The Tough Part...

The tough part was getting to the trailhead.

It snowed 32" last Sunday in the Smokey Mountains National Park. Three things happen to coincide: (1) I've been walking there since college, but never in deep, virgin snow, (2) the daytime air temperatures were reasonable... above freezing down on the ground, much above zero on top, and (3) it was the start of the Christmas holidays.

I checked to see if anyone would be interested in hiking with me and drew zero... all buddies are in committed relationships and had to be home for the holidays, where I did not. So, I Goggled and contacted a guide service, discussed plans, and drove to the Gatlinburg area. All roads in to the park were closed. Had to wait two days in a motel until the park service opened the main road to the trailheads on 441 (Cherokee Orchard road remained closed).

Even with a guide, we had little hope to make it in deep snow to the top of Mt LeConte... we started hiking up the A.T. in Newfoundland Gap, a familiar trail, and, sure enough, it was a lot of work walking in that knee-deep virgin snow. In 2 1/2 hours we got 1 1/2 mile in, which meant that the 10-mile Boulevard route was going to take at least a 16-hour day and night. We gave up, bagged a trophy sign, had lunch at a crossroad with a terrific view, enjoyed the gorgeous day, had fun trampling in the snow some more, and got back. Another terrific little adventure.

The tough part was getting started. As always. About everything.


- © 2009 by Willy

High and Mighty versus...

Tiger Woods is the latest casualty in a never-ending list of The Fallen.

Here he is, the best at his field, a Billionaire, married to a swimsuit model... the perfect man everybody aspires for... and he gets taken out by what appears to be ego. Money and power goes to their heads. It's called temptation. The devil exists.

The funny thing is that it also happens to a lesser extent to the average guy. I'm sure Tiger Woods gets a million temptations for every one of mine. If you go by percentages, he was bound to fall.

I'm not the best in my field, although I'm very good. I'm not a billionaire, although I do well, I do not know any swimsuits models, although I did score a trophy wife once (or she me) when I was a socially awkward young man. I do understand the lift to the ego that leads to succumbing to temptation, but neither the temptations nor the trophy wife were worth the trouble.

No, I don't know if I'm getting hit by angel or devil, so I play it conservative. My solution has been to limit my exposure and thus minimize temptation. T. Boone Pickens, the oilman, says that the higher a monkey climbs a tree, the more people can see his ass. So I stay in the brush below, doing my thing... I'm pretty high up at work but refuse further promotion, so I get an awful lot done. Every now and then a lady smiles at me... I must remind her of her grandfather... and I ignore it. The love word comes up occasionally and I respond that I love her like a sister. I watch out for games and my favorite word is no. I don't look for "it," I apologize if the wrong impression is taken, and I bolt. And a dear old lady runs my favorite hangout, so I do not flirt with waitresses... it would be like flirting with my mother.

It may seem like a lot of work to constantly monitor and be aware of what I'm doing... to stay in stealth mode... but it's nothing compared to the loss resulting in a fall from grace. God exists too.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Co-Co-dependents

Tomorrow night I'll be attending my co-dependent group's Christmas party. A very interesting and terrific set of people with the same problem... and thus much in common with me. I normally avoid parties, but I look forward to seeing John, Chad and the rest of the entertainers.


They say a pessimist sees a glass half-empty, an optimist half-full, but the kind and giving person... a co-dependent... looks for someone who might be thirsty. My challenge has been to properly channel this character feature, and my support group has helped me do this. I constantly ask myself "And whose need is that?" and remind myself to "Detach." Life has been easier lately, although it had been both heartbreaking and wonderful. Some days I fought for my life, just like everyone else, but I've lived it fully.


- © 2009 by Willy

P.S., the codependent crossed the road to help the chicken make a decision, so watch 'em cars if you're one of us.

Best Things in Life

The best things in life are not things.

I got up early this morning to go hike my favorite trail in fresh snow. It was enough snow to make it pretty but not enough to make streets difficult. Two fat tires and two wafflestompers beat me to the trailhead, but secondary trails were virgin snow. I enjoyed the crisp air and the solitude, I wrote my name in yellow on snow, and I resolved to hike and bike more often... no matter the circumstances.

What a beautiful way to pass the morning.


- © 2009 by Willy

It's In My Nature

A scorpion asks a frog for help crossing a river. Intimidated by the scorpion's prominent stinger, the frog demurs. "Don't be scared," the scorpion says. "If something happens to you, I'll drown." Moved by this logic, the frog puts the scorpion on his back and wades into the river. Halfway across, the scorpion stings the frog.

The dying frog croaks, "How could you? You know you'll drown!"

"It's in my nature," gasps the sinking scorpion.

_______________

This fable of The Scorpion and The Frog is also a lesson on misplaced trust, on the limits of logic, on not escaping the insuppressible nature of things, and more:

What was the incentive for the frog to even entertain help carry that scorpion? NONE! It was not just the scorpion's nature that's in question here but more so it is the frog's nature to blame. That frog should not have helped in such an event with a clear eventuality. Wasn't this the co-dependency on the frog's part that sank them both? YES!

It is what it is, I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam. THIS co-dependent frog must question everything. I must fight my nature and do just my own... cross the river solo, and not help the scorpions. Kindness has its limits, clearly, and so I have my demons to fight.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Outplay Them

"Excuse me... do you have the time?" said one of the two young men in front of the mall's record store this morning.

Translated it means "Hold on there until my buddy blindsides you. And, by the way, do you wear a Rolex?"

I said "No" forcefully and kept a fast pace. He wanted to know when the store opens. I said a second "No." He walked after me in frustration as I kept him in my peripheral vision, but finally stopped.

The next step would have been to press the button on my switchblade.

This was early on a Sunday morning, while walking the mall due to inclement weather. I carry my handgun at night but seldom go out then, and haven't been in a bar in a decade or two. I haven't had an incident like this in years and years. I live in Podunk and we have little crime.

I'm 60 years old and so many pounds have transferred from my chest to my gut that it seems I've gotten to the point that I no longer repel punks. I remember the good old days when some road rage idiot would get out of his car, I got out of mine and he stopped cold, mumbling while he got back in.

The truth is that I can no longer fistfight nor run away, so my options are down to being more aware, reducing opportunities for incidence, and increasing the counter-lethality to match.


If you can't outrun them, outplay them.

But if I cannot evade, outplay or outthink them, I will shoot.




- text © 2009 by Willy

Exit Strategy

Johnnie and Jane went trick or treating on Halloween and knocked on an old lady's door, who gave them candy but felt it odd to close the door on them because they just stood there instead of running off to the next house, so she asked "What's the matter, kids?" and Johnnie said "We don't have an exit strategy."

Before you laugh: Afghanistan is costing us a million dollars per soldier per year.

A good joke can be reused. This one came out years ago and it was about President Bush on Iraq. President Clinton had Somalia and Bosnia, and it could have definitely been used with President Johnson on Viet Nam. The only difference is that this year "exit strategy" is called "off-ramp." It's all the same. It is unfortunate that we keep finding ourselves in the same spot, year after year, but I have to trust that our President knows a hell of a lot more than I do.

But wait... maybe I should apply this to my personal life. I should think ahead and ask myself "how am I going to get out of this" before I do anything. If I had, I would not have dated, gotten engaged, married, nor had kids (now you can laugh). I've made mistakes year after year. So, now, and in the future, I will not even date. I'm going to stick to the predictable, the reliable, even the boring... to what I know... solo... that has a built-in exit strategy. I will keep a much lower profile ("remain in the noise floor" in engineering), because I will not enter.

Versus the more common exit strategy of leaving once they get some.



- text © 2009 by Willy

P.S., That I need what I know is yet another blog.

To Believe the Incredible

You already exercise faith. You already believe the incredible... you're just used to it by now. Birds fly whether or not they believe in the laws of aerodynamics and we all enjoy the phone, TV, driving and flying... even though few of us understand the laws of physics. We enjoy a sunny day without understanding (believing) in nuclear fusion. Mother nature took billions of years, they say. Our technology took a couple of centuries to evolve and allow us to have our current era of magical gadgets, we think. God took six days, it says.


We can't see electrons any more than we can see the wind moving around... but we can see evidence of electrons via light bulbs and of the wind by rustling leaves. We believe through evidence, which is all around us. Yes, we can believe impossible things, Alice In Wonderland... and we do.

One must use faith to see the invisible and believe the incredible... and so we do, in this circular argument for faith.



- © 2009 by Willy

P.S., To be alive in such an age! - Walt Whitman

Lock Up?

"We lock up more of our citizens per capita than brutal dictators like Robert Mugabe and Fidel Castro," wrote Cynthia Tucker in her request to end the War on Drugs.

I've got news for her. In the early 1960's, Castro's Cuban revolutionaries shot the entire previous party dead... up against a wall. No going to see a judge. It was televised, day in and day out. "Paredon!" they chanted. Thousands and thousands died, so there was no locking them up in the hoosegow. And many of the ones that were lucky enough to get to jail ended up dead anyway, due to starvation and sickness. Rape, murder and looting (in that order) were wholesale and only deterred by hefty walls and demonstration of defensive gunfire. No getting caught and going to jail for that, since the murderers were the new revolutionary party. Then in the 1980's, Fidel sent his prisoners here via the Mariel Boatlift and emptied his jails.

Since then, news and pictures have appeared of dissidents being beaten to death at the US Special Interest Section in Cuba ("the embassy")... no need to lock them up either.

Yes, Cynthia, brutal dictator Fidel Castro doesn't lock up the citizens... he kills them instead. Your statement is an insult.

"Tijuana authorities found 275 pounds of marijuana and a half-completed tunnel under the border," quipped Jay Leno, "Wonder why the tunnel was only half completed?"

Dahhh! Is it better to laugh with Leno and be ignorant like Tucker, or be stressed with the truth?


- text © 2009 by Willy

Thievery

Once is randomness, twice catches my eye but the third time is a 3-sigma event that raises the hair in back of my neck and makes me pay strict attention. The fourth time?


I knew that there were all kinds of thieves, from the idiot with a gun robbing a bank cashier to the bank vice-president stealing it big-time. But I did not expect to see our citizens in cahoots with congress and the bankers giving the entire country away. I lived through the Savings & Loan debacle of the 80's but the current thievery makes the S&L crooks weak amateurs by comparison. And it's happening not once, twice or three times... they're about to raid the treasury for the fourth time in a little over a year to the tune of yet another trillion or so. A trillion here, a trillion there, and pretty soon you're talking ALL the money (with appologies to senator Dirksen). The fiscal year 2009 deficit was three times that of 2008. The foreign-owned US debt is $3 trillion, a quarter of that China's. There is no letup in sight.

Our great nation is the last bastion of stoic common sense, but we seem to want to go the way of Rome. It's not my congressmen who are voting screwy, it's the big cities and "blue" states.

The fourth time scares me.


-text © 2009 by Willy


P.S., it's also called looting and plundering, but it's usually done to another country.

A Real Engineer

The times were when an engineer could work in his garage all by himself and invent a great new gizmo.

Those times are long gone.

Real engineers still help solve problems, first by careful observation and then by bold intervention, but we are now do-it-yourself self-starters with ant-like collaboration. We have to work well with others on our machines. We have to cooperate and coordinate. Sometimes we have differences and we get frustrated. Like brothers, we have to learn to get along and get past our differences. We have to share in the work, in the fun and in the glory. We have to make this people challenge equal to the technical challenge... a problem to solve.


It used to be that all we needed was a wirewrap pencil in a lab. Nowadays, it takes that plus the right words... and only the right words... spoken with all our heart, all our soul and all our might. Whether we like it or not, it's true: we have to work together to get things done.

Well, self... get on with it: go talk to the team and give them some inspiration, and remember that I'm a real engineer. I'm a real engineer. I'm a real... [clicking heels together]. Oh, for the good old days!



- text © 2009 by Willy

It's Natural?

Mother Nature loves variety... and in quantity.

If you train a telescope on a dark spot of the night sky, you see a star field. Zoom in and you'll see a star field, zoom again and you'll see... a star field, endlessly, but each one of those stars is unique. Same is true in the woods, with what seems like an infinite number of trees and rocks, but each is really different from the others. And ditto with people... an infinite number, but one very different from another.

In nature, some trails are easy and interesting but challenging, and others are difficult, painful and nasty.



Similarly, some people's souls are lazy, shallow and nasty, whereas others have interesting depth and breath to them, either because they escaped their nature... or because of it. Some people help solve problems... and others ARE the problem... and there are an infinite number of them in each of these two categories. I'm staying away from the problem people just like I'm staying away from The White Mountains. Deliver us from evil! That is, while I'm here, I'm associating with and choosing to enjoy the good. There's PLENTY of good here to choose, in the variety of people as well as in the variety of nature.

The attraction of naughty is much overrated and antiquated. Enough, already!

-© 2009 by Willy

Time

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once," said Einstein. Time is a human contrivance, say the philosophers. A Higher Order Being doesn't need time... He can handle it.

"Time," I wrote as a kid, "is my most important ally," I was surprised to read. Maybe because I was more patient and led a simpler life then.

Before The Big Bang, there was no such thing as time. And the future is defined by our individual decisions and thus is extremely flexible... and hasn't happened yet. So, today, right now, is what I have.

If I really think about it, I do have as much time as I need. I haven't done badly and I aim to make the best of it.

OK, I've convinced myself, so off hiking in the rain I go.

- © 2009 by Willy

Something to...

It is said that to be happy, we need three things: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

To most people, a pan of brownies in the oven will do.

To me, a pretty day out does it, every time.

Today was one of those days. I woke up late, went to breakfast at my usual place, ended up spending the morning having a terrific breakfast there with this very interesting friend and his wife (who had trouble prying us apart later due to the volume of jokes we exchanged). Then at noon I went out bicycling on a beautiful, clear, sunny day on a route seldom populated, to the river at the edge of town and back (a slow 30 miles with a break at the river). A Hi-Viz jersey day. Another small but great adventure. The day ended with a beautiful sunset.

While DOing the riding, even though I could not see the headwind, I felt it (just like God). I LOVEd the headwind for the training, as well as hills, and as well as life. How much better can it possibly get? I HOPE FOR even better days! I'm happy.


- © 2009 by Willy

Watch The Nutrition

Two Alligators were sitting around the gym after their workout, talking nutrition.

The smaller Gator turned to the bigger one and said, "I can"t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Gator, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Gator [or Lawyers, Ex'es or whatever].

"Hmm... well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot."

"Same here! How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under a car and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat them!"

"Ah!" says the big Gator, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothing left but a briefcase."

---------

Moral of the story: (1) Watch what you eat... don't eat crap, (2) Bigger is not always better... some people and some Gators are just full of it, and (3) Maybe you're OK just the way you are.

Crafting Each Day Into a Masterpiece

There are all kinds of people. Some people enjoy the challenge of winning a game through manipulation. Some people enjoy the chaos and drama that their bad choices make. Some people enjoy venting their rage at others due to their own inadequacies. Others enjoy being led by lust hormones. And yet others enjoy just being stoned into another world, doing nothing. Many do all of the above.

If there were no fools, there would be no wise men.

Lucky for me that I chose to enjoy crafting each day into a masterpiece.

I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment each and every day. And I enjoy others who feel and do the same. I put my name on my achievements, as well as that of all my helpers. My life is a do-it-yourself shop with ant-like collaboration. You see, there's this good old DO network... we know and enjoy each other. Birds of a feather, you know. A terrific subculture. We include the interested but exclude the fools.

We each craft based on desire, knowledge, activity and kindness. The most common result of these is harmony, happiness and satisfaction. Together, our collective efforts result in a variety of masterpieces for better lives and bigger smiles, the side effects of which are many innovations in engineering.
Some crafts are a little esoteric but the resulting masterpieces are better vehicles, better communication, more entertainment, medical advances and increased security... for better living.

Without our masterpieces, this world would be dark, indeed.


- © 2009 by Willy

Accepting the Rain

Yes, I confess... I've been bicycling and hiking in the rain.

Yesterday I did a quick utilitarian but refreshing dozen-mile ride home from the car shop in wind and rain... and enjoyed every minute of it. Today I hiked for hours in heavy rain, and even took pictures. Like my new camera, I'm waterproof, but I do use a baggie for my wallet and worry about my glasses.

My preference when bicycling in the rain is to use Rain-X on my glasses, because the front tire will throw a continuous rooster tail of road water into my face. A nylon shell will only keep the sweat in, so I leave it and instead add another layer for warmth, and keep my mouth closed. In cool weather, I do add that windbreaker. My road bike caliper brakes just don't work well lubricated, so I keep my speed low. Of course, the blinkie is absolutely necessary.

My preference when hiking in the rain is to use an anti-fox cloth on my (other) glasses (Rain-X makes this product too), but use a small umbrella to keep me warm but allow my sweat to escape. The umbrella also brushes aside wet branches and any lingering spider webs. If I'm rock hopping, I need a visor to keep the rain off my glasses instead of the unbrella, because both hands need to be on rocks. And in cool weather I add the shell. After my wet and tough White Mountains rock hop hike, wet home turf is a walk in the park. We mostly have dirt on our trails (with some bear poop), unlike the rocks and roots which seemed exclusive in New Hampshire.


Come to think of it, I did not see a single mushroom in The Whites. Here in the South, they grow overnight, like spider webs do across trails.

The alternative in rain is to use my home cycle or the gym... but being outside is a lot more fun. Outside versus inside? Daaah!

- © 2009 by Willy

From X-rays to Blood Tests

I'll be 60 very soon and my buddies bugged me about it, so I recently went and got a colonoscopy, prostate exam, blood test and etc. The cardiologist who did a baseline set of tests said I have the heart of a 25-year-old, but I did not tell him that (according to charts) I have more flexibility and can do more pushups & sit-ups, press more weights, and even hike & bike further than most 25-year-olds too... although much slower. Old age is a sport of persistence, endurance and determination.

The gastroenterologist said I'd need to get somebody to drive me home after the scope because I would not be able to drive. Negotiating, I said I'd bicycle or hike home, since it was half the distance I usually hike on weekends, but we settled on calling a taxi instead.

Turns out that the scope procedure was an assembly line and not too embarrassing. Matter of fact, I got a chuckle out of the nurses being concerned because my heart rate was less than 60 to which I replied that this was normal (they were worried they overdid pre-sedation). After that I was asked to roll over on my side, the lights went out and then it was time to call that cab.

The prostate exam was embarrassing only because it was a lady doctor sticking her thumb up my butt. But the real trauma or embarrassment to me was when I got the blood drawn, which was done by the X-ray lady, who told me she did both blood and X-rays. Evidently I have gone from breaking bones to needing blood testing.

It also illustrated that my definition of a young woman had changed as well as the line between being a flirt or a lecherous old man. Anyone younger than me is a kid, and older than me is an old fart, so there are more and more kids around nowadays.

I don't think I've ever waltzed around feeling young. My buddies always told me I drove my Vette like an old man, but then they blew their engines and I didn't.

The only time I've felt touched by mortality is when a '65 Buick and my motorcycle collided back in '82 and I stayed two weeks at the most expensive "motel" room in town (had breakfast in bed too), although I also have had many broken or sprained limbs, digits and ribs. Life has been a great adventure.

What we think of as aging is really symptoms of disuse due to lifestyle, but there is a line between doing and breaking that I no longer want to push.

So, now I get blood tests rather than X-rays from an attractive young woman with whom I hope I flirt with.

- © 2009 by Willy

Raining Acorns

No, this is not about ACORN, the political activists, although, certainly, they've finally gotten caught with their pants down and are all over the news. Unusual is that this actually made it to the mainstream network news... but after Fox exposed it. Competition works.

This piece is about our wonderful hickory-oak forests. This is the time of year in which their acorns fall. If I'm lucky... and I was last Sunday... the woods are noisy with acorns falling like rain, and the trail peppered with them. The time window is very small... I expect the woods to be quiet this weekend... and what is wonderful is the predictability year-to-year. I hate surprises.


The same is true for some wildflowers, with a blooming period being usually small but predictable. There are exceptions: my back yard has had Maximilian’s Sunflower blooming since mid-July, and they continue on, in an interesting rotation. They are beautiful.

I love this time of year, since fall brings gorgeous color. But then, I love the summer heat, the winter cooldown and the spring thaw too.

- © 2009 by Willy

Reciprocal Altruism

People are basically selfish. It's take, take, and take... and me, me and me.

Psychologists use the term Reciprocal Altruism to describe the behavior of those people who overcome that tendency towards selfishness and work together. "We tend to extend help to others on the understanding that some other will expend a few resources to save us," says psychologist Andrew Shatte.

Expert on resilience psychology might or might not agree but it seems to this engineer that eventually the giver quits giving unless he feels others are giving back. Does this also describe co-dependency? Yes, the co-dependent does look for something back, usually words of gratitude, otherwise the co-dependency relationship eventually becomes unstable, a solution is sought and detachment is obtained, resulting in the peace necessary to heal the wounded soul.

Yes, sometimes love leaves softly. Accept it.

Example: One of our Habitat houses became a crack house, and volunteers dried up for quite a while.

I'm starting to catch on to psychology.

Freud rocks!


- text © 2009 by Willy



P.S., Reciprocal Altruism is many-on-many (or one-on-many) and co-dependency is one-on-one, and thus a similar tie-in between a peacegame (opposite of a wargame) and the Prisoner's Dilemma.

Reflections or Summary

OK, so here's a summary of what I've learned last few years through some reflection. I hope, by jotting it here, to remind myself in the future.


Out of clutter, lead a simple but rich life both at work and at home. Work is not hard if you're doing what you love. Accept what you have to with a positive attitude. Enjoy life with people as well as solo. Don't relive yesterday. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition. Without adversity there is no drive. Do the right thing, no matter what. Make the choice that brings me peace and serenity. Forgive everyone for everything, and forgive myself too. You cannot fix stupid... you can only laugh at it. It's hard to find the right medication for grief. Sometimes the only way to get the right perspective is to let time pass. Time heals. Trust God. The best is yet to come. Enjoy the ride.

Now all I've got to do is remember this.

Closer to heaven, again

Another adventure: I did another Mt LeConte lodge hike last weekend. These have become easier as compared to other hikes, but they are still enjoyable. At 6,600 feet high, it's closer to heaven than is my home turf. I enjoy both the journey up and then the relaxing at the top. On a clear day you can see Gatlinburg off the cafeteria deck. If I'm lucky, I'm alone and quiet... and I can reflect.

Our group broke up into fast and slow, with the slow group going up the easier Trillium Gap Trail.

This time on the climb I hung around the back as sweep because one of the fast ladies wasn't feeling good (somebody has to stay with the problem and another goes for help). It ended up that she wasn't all that slow anyway, climbing the 6.6-mile (and 4,000-ft elevation change) Rainbow Falls Trail in 4 1/4 hours (including a break). This trail is visually and auditory stunning. On the way down she felt good and she and I led, making it down the same trail in 2 1/2 hours.

LeConte lodge is one of those remote but luxury places where dinner is ready at 5, sleeping is inside log cabins, and we leave right after breakfast. They bring supplies in twice a week by llama (via Trillium Gap Trail, yuck!) and once a year by helicopter.

The best thing is the feeling of being closer to heaven. There's no adventure quite like being hooked up with the creator of the universe.

- © 2009 by Willy

Check it off?

"Check that one off your bucket list!" said pastor Keith's friend at breakfast today.

I had just bragged to Keith that I was kicked out of a gym for the first time, at age 60.

The manager told me the rules were there to keep out the riffraff. Yep, those were his words. I broke the rule: I was wearing a tank top at the new Gold's Gym. Yes, a Gold's! So, I'm baaad, I'm bad, come on... you know it (Michael Jackson).

Oh, well, their dumbbells only went up to 65 anyway. Yes, 65... at a Gold's! The manager said that this, too, was to keep out the riffraff (yes, he did). If I had joined this Gold's I would have turned into a wuss like him. I'm keeping my current gyms and activities instead.

So, thanks to Gold's, I'm walking taller today. I needed it... I got word last week that my friend Kara died of leukemia. She was 44. Was quite the angel. A great loss.

- © 2009 by baaad Willy

Between Heaven and Earth

There are acquaintances, there are friends, and there are buddies.


I'm in the process of helping buddy Delia move to her new condo, little by little. A recent widow, she has no children and one nephew... but she has me, Jane and young David. Delia is doing better after having both knees replaced and losing 40 pounds, but she's old, has fallen, and is having some concerns. She did order a hospital bed to her new condo, though. I'm glad she's still around... she's a grand dame and I enjoy an intelligent conversation. I've only known her a dozen years but she feels like an old buddy. Somebody took a picture of me and Delia snoring in a pew at a Prague church, so, we've slept together. A relationship, for sure.


I'm a big guy, but next to my buddy Dallas I look small. I've been working out with young Dallas for 18 years at four gyms, and... still... aspire to get huge like him. He's a nice guy too, not a 'roid rage lunkhead like other big guys. No, I do not need a skinny workout partner to look bigger. Dallas and I have had our arguments... a readhead came between us once... but we're buddies. Another relationship.

I've gone on adventure vacations with others of both sexes and a variety of age differences... I pick up old Roger this Saturday to hike the Smokies and young Diane will spend her weekend housesitting (we've gone vacationing together too) to feed and observe my wild animals. My blessings include uniquely kind-hearted Jennifer W, positively terrific Heidi, patient tutor Phil, delightful daughter Jennifer, reliable Jim, as well as many others.

I've got many strong relationships, but no romantic ones... intentionally. Friends and buddies are all the relationships I need, and all I can handle.

My buddies keep me between heaven and earth. They are the angels without which I would not enjoy life. Thanks, buddies.


- © 2009 by Willy

Over The Rainbow

... and above the canopy.

















Dorothy said that somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Not only that but we also hike there, and some of us even live there. It may take near a lifetime to get Over The Rainbow, but where there's a goal, there's a way: Eventually, dreams that you dare to dream really do come true... IF you work for it.

Thank you, everyone who helped.

I have reached the state of mind in which there is no pain and no fear. Where I know I'm safe. When I feel loved and cared for by many. Real peace. All is well. Life is sweet.



- what wasn't The Wizard Of Oz is © 2009 by Willy

Minimum versus Maximum Effort

I've got another hike coming up this month, but compared to The Whites or even the Grand Canyon, hiking up LeConte in the Smokeys has become kid's play. In order to make it challenging, I've been hiking up it with some tough cookies to see if I can keep up or beat them to the top.









Why do the minimal effort? Is it because we lack motivation? We have Free Will to do that, or to put in our best effort. Our choice.

I just ain't going that way... I'm not taking the shortest route. I'll enjoy taking the long, scenic way. See you at the top. I'll be waiting for you. With some humility, right.


- © 2009 by Willy

Above The Canopy

After reflecting for weeks on my hiking trip with Jennifer this year, I've realized that impossible things happen by the grace of God.

I got a grandstand seat to see the splendor of His majesty from a bald ridge six thousand feet high, but to do so spent my physical body beyond the possible, with no injuries nor trauma. There must have been angels there carrying me.




I took me a couple of weeks to get my strength back. I'm not attempting something like that again, but I had a great time... after the fact.

- © 2009 by Willy

Yes, Another Wedding and Reunion

Seems that the family only gets together for weddings and funerals. Flew in late Friday, returned Sunday. Another quickie. My fortysomething second cousin Juan married Nancy this weekend. He was laughing and she was crying, and I hope this isn't ever turned around on him like it did me. The priest was eloquent and the food was great. Nobody wrote "Help Me" on the soles of his shoes. It was nice to see the family, specially those that I hadn't seen in decades. Motel great, with free gym across the street. My flight uneventful. The rental car people ripped me off, but that's what I get for using the biggest.

It was the family that made it a pretty darned good weekend overall.

Funny Thoughts While Riding

Sometimes I get the most peculiar thoughts while bicycle riding.

I seldom carry an mp3 player with me due not only to safety concerns but also to my need to think things out.

Rudy Kalman, of Kalman Filter fame, one of the cornerstones of systems theory, stated that if a thing can be observed, it can be controlled.

OK, I've just lost you, so let me back up.

Where was I 40 years ago? When Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon, my liberal arts dorm roommates were picking on me because I was studying. NASA had been using all kinds of neat technical tools. The Kalman Filter was used in the Apollo computer for orbital insertions then, and I use it now for proper positioning of any vehicle. The Kalman is nothing but a simulation running onboard the rocket's computer, telling the rocket where it should be (giving observability), which comes in handy if the sensors briefly black out for any reason, like noise and vibration. Sensors being either optical or radar seekers, GPS, gyroscopes and the like. Us humans do this all the time, like when driving through fog at night, we know to keep slow and straight... unless we're at a curve on the road.

The key word is "briefly." The rocket and its sensors have to be designed for observability, and there are some things that just cannot be observed. Yeah, yeah... like teenagers out for the night. And, yes, sometimes we don't want to observe them even if we could.

Behavioral political psychologists or theorists also use this if-a-thing-can-be-observed rule in their logic, except that, to them, everything can be observed and thus everything can be controlled, even in this noisy economy. Not only do they forget their Kalman systems theory, but also, it seems, they forget their sensors altogether. Or is it their senses? The economy is shaking itself to death due to the meddling... can't these theorists observe that? Obviously not.

And, yes, it was a beauuutiful bike ride anyway! It was a relatively cool day and light traffic on an early Sunday for a solo ride at my own pace. I've never had a bad solo ride.

- © 2009 by Willy

Home!

I've hung up my backpacking gear... for now.

I'm relieved to be back home. I just went and did my favorite local hike to (figuratively) kiss the (relatively) flat ground we walk on. I did not know how easy my hike was until now.

My experience with The Whites hit me between the eyes to humble me. It enlightenned this ignorant man off his blissful darkness. I have got to invest more time and pay some significant attention to serious fitness.

- © 2009 by Willy

P.S., shortly after I got home I got word from my daughter, still hiking the Appalachian Trail, that she had indeed had an accident in the gruelling terrain (got impalled by small stump like Pungi sticks in Vietnam), had help from rescuers getting her to an emergency room and was grounded for two weeks.

Plan Checklist

Lessons learned from this year's backpacking trip with Jennifer (written at Pinkham Notch lodge library).

- Don't plan on hiking in the heat! If it's in July, it'd better be up north.

- Don't plan on hiking at too high an altitude! Dad doesn't have time to acclimatize.

- Planning ahead, everything ultralight and minimal.

- Don't even start unless dad has really trained well, is the right weight and uninjured.

- Look at the plan! And again, this time from the eyes of a 60-year-old!

- Don't hike on the day we fly in.

- Keep the mileage low for the first couple of days to warm up to the place.

- Daily mileage less than ten (there won't be anything easy).

- Come up with exit strategy, Plan B or bailout points (won't be anything easy).

- Nothing longer than a week (won't be anything easy).

- Plan on rain (in equipment, slow days and dryout spots).

- Take the GPS and extra batteries, no matter the weight (15 hours/set of 2)!

- Remember that daughter is in MUCH better shape than her dad!

On-the-way procedure that works is for dad to break camp at daylight and let daughter catch up later. Also for daughter to go ahead on climbs and wait for dad at the top. Daytime food to be on the run (bars), with one big sitdown at camp end-of-day. Drink water continuously and generously (bladder and bottles).

- © 2009 by Willy

I Did Not Know I Could Do This

Bailed! (Written at the Crawford Notch lodge).

On the first day I took a 6 am flight into Manchester where I met daughter Jennifer and we got dropped off at Franconia Notch at 6 pm. The first mile was not bad but the next couple to the Liberty campground were straight up the mountain. When somebody says straight up I hear "difficult" but this was miserable and unreal... with full packs in the rain we were crawling over boulders and flowstone at 45 degrees. There were no switchbacks, it was straight up! Looked like a mountain stream bed. We got to the campground at 10 by which time I was delirious and seeing things (a big rock looked like an REI Half-Dome tent). Since lunch, we'd had nothing to eat, so it was a protein bar dinner and sleep. I was so tired that I was not even going to pop the tent and instead sleep in the rain, but Jen set up my tent. It was obvious that I had not trained for this!




Chapter 2: "This is f****** unbelievable!" said the young, fit, avid, experienced hiker with 1800 miles of Appalachian Trail under her belt. Jennifer had finally come to the conclusion on the second day that we had to climb down a big, steep, roaring waterfall to stay on the trail. I took the lead, holding some trees for balance, hugging wet rock and getting drenched.... again. The terrain was beautiful. The terrain was also kicking my butt. We finished exhausted at 10 that night too, but at a wilderness "hut" this time, which meant a dry bed and breakfast the next day, miles from nowhere. What a luxury!

On the third day, I drew blood. But I did what I did not think possible...10 miles of the most rugged and grueling terrain I have ever done, and I'm an old man that has done it all. Or I forgot. Some of this "hike" was rock crawling on stream beds, some vertical rock climbing and some was very STEEP bouldering... for miles at a time, up and down, over and over again. There was very, very little walking. We went slowly due to the terrain, the rain and the risky slick conditions. Coach Jennifer's encouragement helped.

At one spot I had Jennifer worried... a trail crossing expected in 0.3 mile had not yet shown up in a couple of hours, which meant to this old engineer that we had crawled to a virtual stop but yet we had another 1.6 miles to go past that, so I panicked, computing that it would be morning by the time we got through that stretch and I wondered how to get us out of this crazy predicament. Turns out that the trail crossing was not 0.3 but 1.3 miles ahead and we soon got done that night and into a hut.

Things got easier the next day, with fewer miles to cover and the trail less challenging (we actually walked some!). We got in to huts in time for dinner and slept well, although still miles from nowhere. I could enjoy the wildflowers and the bird songs. We did slip in the slick rocks and roots but had no accidents or injuries. I was having fun! Then we finally got to another Notch... and civilization! A road! A lodge! A room with real beds, showers, clean dry clothes and much needed rest.


My feet were killing me, with two blue toes, one of which will shed the nail. All our down was wet, even on dry bags. A week of bouldering the Whites is enough. I sucked. Jennifer suggested I bail out there. She'd continue up to Katahdin after drying out and spending a couple of days with dad.

At the lodge, we heard how often accidents happen (daily!) and how common it was to mobilize rescue squads and helicopters. But we had a good touristy time too, even went moose hunting (spotlighted two) and heard all kinds of tales.

It was great fun. In hindsight. Really!

- © 2009 by Willy

Adventure

I've got to admit, taking time off to do an adventure vacation... my usual thing... not only brings my adrenaline way up but it gives me a goal to live for and train to.

I'm far too hyperactive to do a passive vacation where you stay home and rest, or drive to a touristy city and take a bus tour. I want to die spent.

Adventure vacations are just larger and grander versions of my usual weekend, where I'm glad it's Monday and back to work so I can rest. Thus my vacations are long strenuous mountain hikes or extra long bicycle rides which include overnights with wide variation... from the tent carried on my back to a hotel. In a long wilderness hike or bike, I usually lose a dozen pounds simply because I can't carry that much food. Road biking is not too bad, since along the road there is fast food and motels, and thus credit card camping is the norm.

Even day hikes or mountain biking can turn out to be strenuous. The temps were way above 100 degrees when hiking 15 miles from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon to Phantom Ranch in the gorge last summer and I chugged 3 beer before the rest of the group showed up. I rode a gorgeous canyon pass in Jackson Hole one hot summer a few years ago that took all day... when I finally got out and to a convenience store, I gulped a half-gallon of Gatorade. A 100 oz bladder only goes so far.

The allure is the challenge, and the opportunity to prove my fitness... in spite of injuries and accidents.


-© 2009 by Willy

P.S., and off to New Hampshire I go, hiking the White Mountains.

Don't Look Back

Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

After a while we only seem to remember the good times and forget bad ones. This is mentally healthy in one sense, but on another sense, we have to be careful that our feelings of love, loneliness or jealousy don't ever take us back to a proven horrible person. If our previous relationships or friends were abusive, remember that they will do the same to a new significant other... or to us... again and again. There's a reason why we have our current friends and don't associate with some of our old ones. There is no hope... people don't really change... they are what they are, just like us. We may mourn the end of our fantasy, but should recognize it as a happy ending necessary for a bright healthy future.

“Remember Lot's wife.” - Jesus in Luke 17:32


-© 2009 by Willy

Too Tactical To Worry About

Around here we have alarm horns at all the schools, the TV gets interrupted by The Emergency Channel System, and my secretary's weather radio alarm makes me jump off my chair much too often.

Then when I get home late after gym or cardio the Tivo-ed news is just the local weather jocks rambling on and on and on.

Rant 1: It's the old overused wolf call story... when the real wolf comes we'll be desensitized to it and won't respond.

Rant 2: What in the world are they doing, when a tornado and a thunderstorm are so surgical and tactical? I figure that when it's my time to go, it's my time to go... in the meantime I have way too much to do to worry about something else. I'm not cowering from fear. That is, I'm picking priorities and weather is not it.

Related Rant 3: Neither is a priority yet another relationship. What's the point of stressing to death?

Call me only if you see a nuke detonating.

- text © 2009 by Willy

Proposal

"Want to get married?" said Jan yesterday.

Friend Jan had earlier told me The Rest Of The Story. She could not get a disability check due to her heart problems, even after getting a pacemaker-defibrillator put in due to her heart attack, because she was able to work too much, but her doctor told her not to work so much. Definitely a chicken and egg situation. She's in a bad spot, and does need somebody to help her, but it should be the social security administration cooperating with her doctor. She also needs to get her stressors off her.

If it wasn't such a bad situation, Jan's proposal would have been quite a hoot.

That was the first time a gal has outright proposed to me. Previous times have been manipulations, like the redhead from hell telling me she wasn't looking for a husband but then telling everybody else that I was her fiance.


- © 2009 by Willy

Feeling It On The Skin

I've been out feeling nature at her best. It was a beautiful, sunny day... which has been unusual lately... so I rode. It's been raining so much that I have bike-commuted seldom this year.

Seeing me get ready, my neighbor commented on the projected high temperatures today, to which I responded with a smile that a bicyclist creates his own cooling wind on such days. I'm grateful that I can and do get out, whether it's biking on a beautiful hot day like today or hiking a rainy and muddy mountain like last weekend... and that I have control over my life. Today I was blessed to have had a headwind going in but a tailwind coming back (some days it's a headwind both ways... really!).

Headwinds and mountains are great trainers, without which I would not be fit, nor appreciate nor have the easy days.

On my heavy commuting bike I did 2 hours at 15 mph which is a little slow, but much better than my neighbor's alternative, or that of my children's mother at her nursing home.


- © 2009 by Willy

P.S., psssst... yesterday hiked my favorite mountain again, 6.5 miles at 3 mph.

More Rain

The Mayapple leaves have long shrivelled and the St John's Wart are still out all over the place, but then so is the rain. I've missed the outdoors so much that this morning I went out hiking in the rain anyway. Certainly no mountain bikers were out there. What a boggy mess it was! Oh, well, we do what we can with what we got, whether it's out... or in.


- © 2009 by Willy

P.S., I will be hiking two weeks in New Hampshire soon, rain or shine.

Just Questions

Am I a good and faithful servant? What am I here for? What is my mission? How important is life? What's there to live for? Why are there tears? And when's dinner?

Questions, questions, questions. Fuzzy ones?

Well, dinner is pretty much whenever I want, and I choose to eat after my workout. Thus the other answers must be, similarly, choices I make.

Inspiration... espiritus, the divine breath... is not easy to acquire, but I'm listening for it while making choices.

-text © 2009 by Willy

Fear of Snakes

"There's a huge rattlesnake stretched out across the path!" said the mountain biker this morning, riding back to the trailhead.

Fear can be helpful, but most of the time it's damaging. It can help by keeping people away from the bite of the rattlesnake but it can hurt by keeping people away from living their life. Fear deprived the rider of this trail at this time. By the time I got to his snake, it had already moved on.

The same fear has been true for me after my last relationship crash a couple of years ago. Fear of relationships had put a damper on my socializing and I had to force myself to join a support group, which helped but also prolonged my recovery.

That snake was in its element... its home. Respect it but let it go and go on with life. My own snakes have long gone to other trails after fresh targets.

It's taken me a long time to empty the trash, but I did. I sure hope I got all of it out of my head this time.

Reminder: don't play with snakes.



-© 2009 by Willy

Faith

I have lived a long and good life and my experiences have made a cynic and skeptic out of me. Like Saint Thomas feeling Jesus' nailholes, I believe only what I can see and touch.


Case One:

Although I've been blessed to have been surrounded mostly by good people, I can't help but notice the huge variability. Just like there have been horrible people, there are some at the other end of the distribution too... I've seen and touched people who are sweet, sensitive, tender, empathetic, caregiving, loving and have a positive attitude. They exist. I'm deeply impressed by them, and thankful... I feel blessed to have the gift of these friendships. There is good in this world, just like there is evil too.

I believe in angels.


Case Two:

When my young son took up skateboarding many years ago, he hurt himself many a time skating down the steep driveway. That didn't mean that I was a bad father for allowing it to happen. It was his decision. In every case, I picked him up, and took him to the emergency room. The same is true for me and my Father... when bad things happen, in every case, He is right there to pick me up. He's touched me.

I believe in God.


- © 2009 by Willy

Everything Matters

In Chaos Theory, a butterfly's wings move a blade of grass, which moves others and the change carries forward around the world and may result in a cyclone.

Everything matters because everything affects every other thing. Everything is connected. It was exampled in Jimmy Stewart's “It's a Wonderful Life” movie. More recently, when the government said we're going to put all this corn in our gas tank... it did not intend to cause food riots in Mexico, but it did.

Anybody's action affects every other person. Yawning and happiness are both contageous. Highup muckety mucks believe they influence us little guys, but us little guys could affect them too.

There are no random, independent acts... they are all connected, and good comes from all this. Each life affects the other and the other affects the next. The world is full of stories but the stories are all one.

We might have priorities due to our limitations, but everything we say and do is important and world-changing.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Trouble

You have known people that are just trouble. Matter of fact, you might have married her like I did, and then some time later forgot and looked for another just like that again. Duh! Maybe I've liked trouble, but most likely I've responded to attention, getting further involved in the excitement... and the trouble.

Now I fear trouble and stay away from it. Trouble... that says it all. Whether it's the difficult and nasty micromanager for a project at work, or the flirty gal in the bike club looking for a provider, I want none of that, and I straightforward state so up front. Now when I see those people I see a big "Touble" neon sign above their heads, and I duck away.

I like my relatively uncomplicated life.


- text © 2009 by Willy

Conflicts

You know this: Many relationships are based on a struggle that reflect the conflict between facing the painful realities of insincerity and desperately wanting to keep the hope alive of what the relationship could have been. It's tough to reconcile the fairy tale with the cold tactics of unfaithfulness. At this stage the relationship is out of control and begging or other one-sided displays of emotion really means nothing to the other except to indicate that it is they, not us, who are in control, and there really is no hope to be treated well.

Well, life is no fairy tale. When is it over? In hindsight, insincerity and infidelity should always define the end of a relationship. Giving the benefit of the doubt does not extend forever. We are what we are, and don't change our spots. Listen for the hate tones, open your eyes to the cruelty and trust outside observers. Took me too long, but I finally quit. Best way to fix it? Don't get into one to begin with. That's been my resolution... and my prayer.

- © 2009 by Willy

I Strayed

I have some wonderful friends.

I've had a support system for many years. For thirtysome years I've had the same mentors. For twentyfive years I've used a dry cleaner. For twentyone the same lady has cleaned my home. For seventeen I've lifted with the same trainer. For the last dozen years I've seen the same massage therapist. For the last ten the same fellow has cut my grass.

The same is true for other friendships at work, gym and elsewhere. I maintain close contact with many friends, meeting over coffee, bicycling, hiking or just visiting. These are strong bond friendships, which have lasted me far, far longer than any intimate relationship or marriage... and about as long as my oldest machine. I've continued to be blessed by receiving wonderful new empathetic, caregiving friends.

I've been no island. I do need others. I am not really as independent as I fantasize, nor as afraid of people as I thought.

Unfortunately, having the typical "guy independence" has backfired... I just hurt a friend's feelings because I did not ask her to help. It felt like I was being unfaithful to my wife (oh, well... another guy screws up again). I've got to say "Yes," and make it a resolution to ask for and accept help, accept compliments and accept whatever others offer to give me. I'm not the only giver.

- © 2009 by Willy

Words

"Do you want me to come visit you?" said my wife on the phone as I lay in a hospital bed after a wreck, in May 1982. It was a terrible thing to say at a horrible time. I had no response. She didn't visit, and we divorced soon after that.

"You were terrific!" said the note from friend Donna. It was January 1987 and I had just sat down from giving a talk. It was a nice thing to do. I still have that note tacked up, and I still smile.

We have to be VERY careful with what we say. Words are powerful. They can be used to curse or bless, to be angel or demon... or anything in between. We've all experienced a broken heart, probably more than once, and suspect that in some suicides... words can kill.

Everything we say and do matters, and it is our decision... an awesome responsibility and a powerful choice... to effect good or bad. To better the world, or not.

On the other hand, everything is also a test, disguised to give you the freedom of choice. We'll eventually be held accountable, here... and there too.

-© 2009 by Willy

Blessings

"May you live in interesting times."

This ancient Confucian curse is sometimes misunderstood as a blessing by the inexperienced young. Us old farts know better. Having had a life full of "interesting" times, we seek the simplicity of yore. If we're blessed, we eventually attain this state of being, and are truly thankful of such.

It helps to think positive, but blessings are in the eye of the beholder, as one man's trash is another's blessing. "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting" (Star Trek's Spock). Not only is everything relative to each other but also to time.

For a youngster, we should wish that lack and struggle only serve to make them stronger.

A blessing to middle-aged people is a wish that every doubt and fear be replaced by a deep abiding trust as they observe evidence of a higher being all around them.

A blessing to solitary old geezers is to tell them to be aware that they are loved beyond measure. But I'll take any kind of attention whatsoever, having no shame.


- © 2009 by Willy