Understanding Engineers

An engineer is born, not made. Shocking, isn't it? He's the kid who blows the fuses, breaks his own nose, almost drowns in a pool, collects every neighborhood TV thrown out, actually liked High School math and science, and stays a virgin through college. The one that had an uncontrollable urge to show his parents better ways to do things, even though they didn't care.

Beware of wolves in geek guise... a degree does not an engineer make!

For a true engineer, happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in depth... happiness is to tinker. An engineer doesn't idle well.

True engineers know Pi, e, c, the square root of 2, the sine of 30, and the log of 5... just because. Who wouldn't?

Engineers think highly of their abilities. Surely you've heard of the old codger of a retired engineer who was called by his company to figure out what was wrong with an old machine. He listened to it then wrote equations on the chalkboard and finally circled his answer. When asked to itemize his bill, he wrote "Chalk $1, knowing what to write $9,999." He was hoping his old company wouldn't bother him again.

To an engineer, shaft alignment is critical, but not sexual harassment. When you overhear him muttering he's going to pump it 'till it blows, he's just having trouble conducting a test. When he asks "Are you getting enough head?" he is problem-solving, not prying into your personal life. However, he might get in trouble with the procurement gal when he asks her for some nipples.

In engineerese, when an engineer tells you that he'll look into it, he is not brushing you off... but it will take him a while to play with it. Everything to him is either things that needs fixing or a thing that will need fixing after he plays with it. Engineers like to solve problems, so if there is no problem, he will create his own.

No engineer looks at a gadget, like a television remote control, without wondering what it would take to turn it into something more "useful." Those new defibrillators showing up in hallways make great bench power supplies.

There are two kinds of engineers: the ones who like risk and the ones who don't. The ones who like risk become rocket scientists, and the others become their managers.

The fastest way for a manager to solve an engineering problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case.

Another management ploy is to threaten to give the tough problem to another engineer. Nothing is worse to an engineer than the suggestion that somebody else has more technical skill.

Thus, engineers don't like their managers. An engineer figures that the less you know, the more you make... and can prove this mathematically. Geeks may inherit the earth but have no wish to rule it, so a manager will stay out of the engineer's way if he knows what's good for him.

Engineers are different from mathematicians. For one thing, engineers don't shine their shoes. Also, whereas a mathematician believes in eventually reaching the correct answer to 10 places, engineers believe a two-digit guess now is good enough.

And our Southern engineers are different from their Yankee brethren. Only our engineers would calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support an 8-pound possum 6 feet from the trunk (know the answer?).

An engineer not in a relationship has the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be accused of sleeping on the job or pronounced dead prematurely. It's best to just wait and see if he comes out of it... with an answer.

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer. Assuming the basic needs for warmth and decency have been satisfied, anything else is a waste.

An engineer's objectives for boring social interaction is to get it over with as soon as possible, or to avoid getting invited to begin with. Engineers prefer machines. Some non-geeks say engineers ARE machines... we appreciate the compliment.

Dating is tough for engineers. Others create a false impression of attractiveness, but engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Unfortunately, engineers are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house or fixing your PC... and have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity... resulting in the inevitable disrupting divorce with child support and alimony. Wolves abound on all sides.

As an aside, if you are a young engineer, my suggestion is to get a vasectomy NOW, while you can... too late for me, save yourself!

Eventually, this too is forgotten because, to the engineer, the world is a wonderful toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys to play with.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Happiness

The pursuit of happiness? Yeah, that one.

Happiness is not the same for everybody.
For monks, happiness is abstinence, poverty, fasting and celibacy. For some people it's money and power... or debauchery. For most of us is finding love and kindness from others.

To me, happiness is wanting and appreciating what I've already got, as compared to success, which is getting what you want.

Happiness is having low expectations... by doing so, you're rarely dissapointed... and are happy when things turn out not quite as badly as expected.

Happiness is contentment, feeling secure and having no worries. Feeling less stress at work and not worrying about money. And having close friends and family.

Happiness is an attitude I must choose, a decision I make, now, and in advance. Whether I'm going to have a good day or not largely depends on my attitude and my decision to see life in that way. A driver could be an idiot, or somebody could be nasty, or just irresponsible. It doesn't matter and I don't care. Bad stuff happens... it's how I choose to react that counts.

You do what you want... I choose to be quietly content.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Dear Ex

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring, to give your heart a song to sing. I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love.

All that I did, I did out of heartfelt love for you. You don't understand this because you've never been in love. I don't think you've been capable of it.

I do pray that you do become capable of love, and that you do fall deeply in love... love is beautiful, you'll see... and if you get lucky, your lover will break your heart like you did mine... and you'd then get the breadth of it.

In the meantime, I've finally moved on. Just like you did years ago. And I'm in love again... I love responsible, mature people who are kind and helpful, who trust, contribute, compliment, and respect, with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing. Nothing like you.

You can keep those clueless friends you poisoned.

I smile, I laugh, I whistle tunes, and I love life again.

I wish you love.

- most of this text © 2007 by Willy
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P.S., I was the rocket scientist you met cycling... blue bike.
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Reality

Pigs do fly, hell does freeze over, and we do eat our words, on a regular basis. At least I surely do. It seems that emotions do prevail over logic, or that form trumps function, and that the unwanted and impossible happens. Some of this is bad... and some of it is good, depends on how you take it. The skyscraper that survives an earthquake is not the strongest but the most flexible. Ditto for trees in a hurricane.

It's sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between reality and fantasy, and thus understand what's happening. The best laid plans do sometimes fail, and it seems that setting and following some goals is fruitless as compared to waiting for opportunity. Maybe the key is to be flexible... to be prepared and to be ready... so that when opportunity knocks... or the hurricane happens... AND we recognize it... we can deal with it.

When a badass in a meeting spews his bile, it does absolutely no good to confront him, but instead it's best to keep your cool... and be flexible... like the tree in a hurricane.

It's an attitude.

When you realize that you are not significant to your significant other, then be flexible... roll with the punch, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, stand up tall and smile. Yes, much easier said than done here too.

Engineering teaches to identify and assess, develop solutions, implement them, and evaluate results. And sometimes it works (luck!), but most of the time, the intricacies of each of those simple words make it impossible to do, and flexibility... trying out many different solutions... is the way. Or at least works great with machines.


Like the bumper sticker on redneck pickup trucks: Reality Happens. The key is to recognize it, and bend like a tree... in your own grove!




- © 2007 by Willy
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Rejoice!

Christmas is almost over! Rejoice! Yes, a Bah Humbug to you.

Who can possibly like the horrible crowds and the maddening traffic that is Christmas? The huge expense in time and money? The waste and inefficiency at work? The bother of putting up with bad relatives? The debilitating stress? The craziness?

No, nobody, and neither can I... whether we admit it or not. What we do is to grit our teeth, put up with it, send out the stupid Christmas cards, buy the dam' presents, and take a chill pill.

Then, sometime, the cards are sent, the sales are over, the people finally go, the place gets quiet and we all take a day off. I start reading the emails rather than deleting them unread. I finally catch up at work, and relax at home laughing at the drunks on TV... which reminds me to make a resolution.

Thinking about this last year I feel my 2007 is summarized as "Fate's here to see you and she's brought her wire cutters." To which a good friend replied that this was over, and now "God's here to see you and He brought you His love."

And I smile, and rejoice.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Tokens of Love

A puppy's love for his surroundings and for you who feeds him is refreshingly innocent, and his licking your face is definitely a token of his love.

A mother's concern and love for her young offspring as they grow up lasts forever... or until they become horrible teenagers. Everything the offsprings require is delivered as a token of mom's love.

Puppy love and concern-love also happen between adults, but only until the romantic love honeymoon is over... a year or two. The hugs and other tokens stop at the same time love does. Why is there this timeline with adults? Typically the woman falls in love first, then the man, then the woman's love dies, leaving the man confused. Why does love die?

Bicycling through colors of swirling falling leaves in the Fall is a terrific experience, and one which is a token of God's love for us. Beautiful sunsets. Success. Luck. Many unexplained good things happen, even though we don't deserve them. These are yet more tokens of love for us. But these, unlike man's, don't stop... and His love doesn't die.

I'll take His hugs over hers anytime.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Fantasies

"If those kids can bicycle 100 miles, then so can I." - me. This comes straight out of Middle-Age Ego and does not take into account... my age, weight and fitness level, and their age, weight and fitness level. Riding 100 miles in one sitting is tough on the tush. Ouchie! Some fantasies hurt!

I had an outside thermometer that read about 10 degrees too warm, and I loved this known fantasy, which helped me think positive: "It's not bad out there... I'm going riding!" Some fantasies can be helpful.

"Thanks" often really translates to "Kiss my butt." Usually said by new, young, women when I open a door for them. It's the way they say it. I smile back and fantasize that I'm a gentleman. Fantasies are definitely one-sided.

"All I want for Christmas is you." - Mariah Carey and lots of others. Pure Hollywood bull. Some fantasies are widespread.

Innocent and over 30? - my ex. Yeah, right. Another great fantasy but really a double bull... more like immature and irresponsible than innocent.


"I work out every day, am a beautiful, independent, adventurer." - my ex. In my experience this was her self-deception and self-fantasy, and what I really found was "Fat, shallow and self-centered parasite who will sleep with all your friends."

So, a pretty, active, innocent, independent young lady loves me and likes to sleep with me? - I believed it, of course... my fantasy and my self-deception... and I believed it for years. It was a good fantasy, but the reality was that she was just another bitch. And the world turns, and I laugh. Some fantasies are funny.

It's not the miles but the smiles.

Live well, laugh often and love much... but don't succumb.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Have Faith

Whether I believe in God or not, he exists anyway... so why believe? Or why not believe? Or why not, not believe?

It is easy to ignore something that happens normally, something that we expect, like the sun coming up every morning, the birds flying around, the leaves rustling, or a beautiful sunset... even though these are all miracles... but the unexpected long-shots grab my attention. When the right people happen to call me, when my thoughts drift in a specific and unusual direction, when the right answers and solutions come readily...

When coincidences happen that shouldn't...

Then I get goose pimples in the back of my head, I pay very close attention to my world, fall to my knees symbolically, and look for and appreciate the tokens of His love around me. I again realize that everything that happens in my life is part of His plan. I smile appreciatively and recognize that I am lucky because I don't know where earth stops and heaven begins. I pray for friends and foes alike. And I know it's going to be a wonderful world.

Why believe? Probabilities!

- © 2007 by Willy

P.S., Look for the perfect mistakes, too.
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Fears

I have my fears, like everybody else. My fears don't drive me but detour me.

I'm afraid of doing too much for the dependant types out there, because they will never learn how to take care of themselves or others. And what a world we'd have if everybody was in lululand and nobody knew how to take care. Oh... we're there already!

I'm afraid of some people's unlimited appetite for cruelty. I can't ever predict what people are going to do... but I do know for certain that intimates have screwed up my life. I know that intimates started nice but eventually demanded control and pressed every button to be cruel and mentally abusive. Machines can't be cruel or abusive.

I'm afraid to love again, fall in unrequited love again, and get depressed again. This last honey about killed me with "love."

I'm afraid of being forced into a lack of continuity... like getting abandoned by friends or family, having to move, losing my memories due to fire, having to change jobs, and the like.

Isn't everyone afraid?

Scientists at Tokyo University say they were able to successfully switch off a mouse's instinct to cower at the smell or presence of cats - showing that fear is genetically hardwired and not learned through experience, as commonly believed.

Saint Thomas Aquinas said that hopelessness and despair are the devil's main weapon against us.

In order to fight these fears, I have to remember to allow the dependents to hit bottom and pick themselves up; to give up romantic relationships and just stick with friends; to provide continuity to my kids, family and friends; to continue to do the best I can possibly do; to continue to invite God into my life and look for His tokens of love for me.... and to laugh a lot.

I'm not afraid of any physical crash and burn situation, just the mental ones.

Psychologists justifiably make their fortunes on fear and depression.


- © 2007 by Willy
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Character

Character, it is said, is what you are when nobody's looking.

So, just what is it you are... when everybody's looking?

I just returned home from an interesting geek conference. A narrow-field technical group that gossips about what has gone wrong, what they did about it, and what's coming next. Being a cross-section of nerds, there were the good ones and the bad ones. There were the lazy ones and the hardworking ones. Some were helpful and some were not. Most were there for networking in some form or another, and there was a lot of job shopping. But they were all... interesting... in some way or other. And they were all characters.

A hundredsome of us stayed cooped up all day in a big motel conference room, voluntarily, for a solid week. Most went off to spend the evenings eating, drinking... and networking. Reminded me of the opposite of an ant colony, since most were not workers but rather were looking to use the information and work of the others. Their success at work was based upon networking.

During the offtime, I went to the gym next door instead. I've been successful because I do and I contribute... not because I use interesting others. I'm not controversial and I blend in, but I lead. I volunteered to host the conference in two years.

I've been... doing... since I was 11, whereas others have been carried. That's what I am.

I yam' what I yam'
and that's all that I yam'.

That's my "character," whether somebody's looking or not.

- © 2007 by Willy
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What Fall Brings

Around my neck of the woods, we begin to notice Fall around Halloween, but the turning, falling leaves are not obvious until Thanksgiving, today. This year Fall is a true spectacle. The colors are much brighter than usual, and leaves are staying on the trees longer. Some opine that this is due to the Summer drought followed by recent rains. Most of us say that nobody really knows why leaves change color and are just content to enjoy the breathtaking scenery. Fall color must be one of God's tokens of love for us.

My favorite thing to do this time of year is to ride through the leaves piled on the side of the streets. I've been doing this since I was a boy, and still enjoy it. The bonus is actually riding through falling leaves... I always wear a big smile for that.

Around now I somewhat reduce my outdoors hiking and bicycling, and take up more indoor machines. This is mostly due to having history slipping on wet leaves and stepping on uneven ground. Also, created wind or apparent wind when bicycling is treasured in Summer but detestable in Winter as we create a sweatbox inside our wind shells. So, I just did my first home studio bike spin... puddles of sweat baptized my new hardwood floors. My bike commuting will reduce depending on the weather.

I just had a fitness assessment, and even though anaerobically I was 90-100%-tile, my VO2 was just "High." My goal is to meet the requirements for "Athlete," which means this Fall brings more focus, with more miles and a better diet... if I can stay motivated enough, and injury-free to boot, two big ones that have previously sabotaged me.

Hope you have some very happy holidays, a wonderful Christmas, a terrific new year... and better riding!

- © 2007 by Willy
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Once Upon a Time

True stories from my wonderful world...

After joking about my embarrassment during vasectomy, a surgical nurse friend of mine (who wants to remain nameless) told me a better story. They had scrubbed, gowned and masked, and were starting a hemorrhoid surgery. The poor guy's butt was on a jig, up in the air. The surgery room was busy with preparations. Wrongly assuming that the anesthesia had taken hold, the nurse says out loud "Nice butt!" and slaps it. The patient responds with "Thanks" to everyone's giggles. Then he got aroused, to even more giggles! She said it's a good thing she was masked so the poor guy would not recognize her later.

Upon hearing that I hurt myself at the gym, my friend Jim answered with this: "I hope you are feeling better soon. I do not want to rub it in, BUT, I have never injured myself getting my Lean Cuisine meals out of the freezer case, through the checkout line, and home to my freezer. Now I know you have been trying to entice me to commit suicide and join you at the gym. Well, I feel that I have chosen the better part. If you would like to accompany me on my next trip to the freezer case, I will come and pick you up, take you to the super market, get you a wheel chair, push you around the store and return you home safe and sound."

As a young man, painting my first house for the first time, I was at the top corner or gable end trying to paint the facia boards next to the roof when I noticed these eyes looking at me thru the slats. Not knowing the size of the teeth that went with those eyes, I decided to descend the ladder and find something to shoo the vermin. I found the wasp spray before I found the broom, so I went back up, sprayed the eyes from a safe distance away, and... lo and behold, it came straight at me! I fell off the ladder into the bushes. Looking up from the ground I see this bat fluttering slowly away. Surprised would be too mild a description.

My friend Roger... a source of constant fun and amusement... had a blind date this past Halloween. He tells me he actually scared her by showing up at her home on Halloween in a rubber mask of an eerie looking man. When he knocked at her door, the date, a very attractive woman, thought he was a bum from a slum area of town and locked her front door before Roger could come in!

Yes, it trully is a wonderful world, just as Louie Armstrong said.

- © 2007 by Willy
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And God said...

grad dot E = rho / epsilon-zero
grad dot B = 0
grad cross E = - del-B/del-t
grad cross B = 1/c-square times del-E/del-t
+ micro-subzero time J
... and there was light!

Similarly, have you noticed that sunsets are usually red but sunrises are yellow? This is because normally we are looking at the sunset thru the heated atmosphere, which looks red. Thus a modification is needed to the wave equations above.


And the three-dimensional standing waves made by any boat on a calm lake are also wave equations, though not of light, but following the same physics. It's all the same physics, the same laws, and the same equations.

We're trying to understand.

"I want to understand what's on God's mind, the rest are just details." - Albert Einstein.

Me too.

- some of this © 2007 by Willy

Nightmares

I have had a few recurring nightmares. When I was a young man, I worried about my work responsibilities in getting my engineering projects to succeed, and at home in raising and supporting a family.

From day one I was in a hurry to fly, even though my wings were just not there yet. I concentrated and tried sooo hard! Consistency, time and patience helped... I eventually did grow the wings and I soared with eagles... or at least other swan.

Nowadays my work worries are non-technical... getting everyone covered... and my immediate home stresses are to get on with my life.

One recent personal concern is how close I came to marrying my ex. She appeared innocent but was horrid. A profligate spender, she drove me crazy with demands and criticism, wanting everything her way with no compromise. I was insignificant to her. My recurring nightmares of finding a stranger in the house were based upon her inviting other men over, which was the last straw in a series of cruelties. Who gave her the right to be cruel to me? With her actions she hurt me but set me free. If I had married her, I would have put a gun to my head, which is exactly what she wanted, in issue being my will. How did I fall in love with THAT? And how do I prevent this nightmare from happening again?

I guess that we all stumble in some sort of way. We're not perfect. In mind and in body sometimes we stumble because of somebody else and sometimes it's our own fault. And when we do, it's usually painful. One solution is to stop the world and get off, quit dealing with people and go solo here too. In running, bicycling and triathlons, there's usually a crash at the last hundred yards to the finish line... if you are racing with other people. It seems, no matter what, that emotions and exuberance take over from the rational thinking process... and we crash and burn. Stumbling, in general, is a common concern and nightmare of mine and of many others.

Others have nightmares too. Another recurring nightmare shows me the results of somebody's lack of planning at work. I am a very good planner and even better multiplexer, which is why I am so busy with multiple tasks (I wear 5 hats), and can't understand somebody else's lack of planning. My workday is an orchestrated daylong heart attack, with little time to catch my breath before some "problem" pops into my office needing their shit unclogged. Most of these disasters could have been avoided if the guy had thought ahead to look around and plan. I now have several rolls of toilet paper in my office to hand out to THOSE people. I also tell them that lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Let them have their own nightmares, instead of passing them to me.

Solutions? Besides going it solo, plan, and not be a co-dependent... two things I do to fight my nightmares are my daily prayers and my weekly massage. Massage is heaven on earth. Not only does it help my mind's anxieties, but also it fixes my beat-up body. I couldn't do my hiking, riding and lifting without it. Thanks, Jan.

Freud said that every dream is a wish. In between nightmares... in between tough parts of my life... I do have some wonderful, warm, peaceful dreams and great sleep. I have started to get these again, my favorite being slowly flying above nature's majesty. I wish for peace and calmness, solo.


- some of this © 2007 by Willy

Taking a Step Into the Light

I'm taking one step into the light. If God is not there, I've lost nothing. If God is closer, I've gained everything. So, what keeps me from taking this step?

This paraphrase of Pascal's Wager... a good example of the tie-in between philosophy and religion... irks the atheists to no end. To me it's beautiful logic and a debate winner.

God exists, whether I remember to take that step or not. But what has fascinated me for a lifetime is... what is my mission here? What does my Father want me to do? What are my tasks?

I call home in prayer every day for an answer.

Certainly, I know part of it: we are here to contribute. At the end, He will ask, "Did you make a difference?" He gave me my talents for me to do something with them, rather than to stick them under a rock.

I believe I'm here because I have some special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, with a special act of love to bestow. No one else can speak my message or sing my song or offer my act of love. These have been entrusted only to me. I'm positive about this.

My life has had some brokenness... broken relationships, broken promises and broken expectations. It would be easy for me to become bitter and resentful without continuing daily talks with my Father. I pray daily... for my sanity. Father is always there and always answers. The brokenness is something that my limited human mind can't grasp, but I keep trying. My Father I trust. Your will be done, Father.

All this talk is to remind myself that it's time to take another step.

May the good Lord hold you, too, in the palm of His hand.

- text © 2007 by Willy
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Secrets of Bike Commuting

My friend Dave, a very fit rider and racer to the max, asked me about my bicycle commuting to work. He's done some, but been thinking of getting serious and increasing to add training miles and reduce his carbon footprint. In his travels, he's also become more aware of the bicycle as a utility vehicle. In addition, we discussed at length earlier this year the use of bike commuting as reflection, meditation and therapy. I also enjoy being closer to Mother Nature, feeling the sun, hearing her symphony and noticing the smells carried by the wind. A good side effect is gas costs... a bowl of cereal takes me in and a banana powers me home.

I use a dedicated commuter bike... a hardtail mountain bike with XT grupo, big under inflated street tires and a rack. Pretty utilitarian and slow, but great training. I've needed this utility... times are when I've got to go off-road due to heavy scary car flow, or to bypass a car line at traffic lights and at traffic pinch points. I've had some adventures. Then there is bad pavement too, but the big, soft, 40 lb tires give me a less-jarring ride. The rack is to carry a briefcase sometimes and the heavier outer shell back home on cold days.

I bike commute when the forecast is for overnight temperatures above 40, rain forecast less than 50%, and no initial rain at start.

I take it easy in the mornings so as to not need another shower but race myself after work to the gym. I take plenty of clean clothes to work on days I do not ride (for whatever reason) and keep there street shoes, ties, comb and the like.

I assume every driver is either not paying attention or out to get me. No, I do not return obscenities.

I also use a dedicated commuter helmet. I wear headlights on handlebar and on helmet, red blinkies on seat tube and helmet. I ride thru residential areas when I can and sidewalks when I need to. Peers ask me if I worry about getting run over and I tell them I'm more worried about cardiovascular disease and cancer.

I wear bright polyprop/lycra and shades, and will add layers as winter proceeds. I never start a ride in the rain, but don't mind getting wet in the warm afternoon. I carry around my waist a wind shell or parka in a tidy small self-contained pouch or bag with built-in web belt, mostly for cold rain. Both the shades and regular glasses are RainX-ed for the afternoon thundershowers. I don't carry cell phone, Blackberry or anything susceptible to water, since I will not call anybody for a rescue in case of a mishap.

The real big secret to successful bike commuting is planning. The best I've done is about two weeks without turning a car key, which takes lots of prior planning for work and errands both. Carrying groceries on the bike is not practical for me (Popsicles would hardly make it), and dry cleaning pickup is impossible.

I highly recommend it. Hope you try it too. Good luck.

- text © 2007 by Willy
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Feathering the Nest

Gosh, I haven't had much of a home the last 6 months. After the ex left, I've been cleaning up and renovating it.

What that means is that the hardwood guys come and throw everything into one room, work a day, come back in a couple of weeks, work another day, and so on. This also goes on for the bathroom marble tile, stairs specialist, finishing sander/varnisher, molding guys, painters, granite people, appliance folks, and so on... each creating the same delays and mess.

The good thing about it is that they made me realize how much junk I still had... and this is after I already took three truckloads to charity and filled a construction dumpster a few months ago.

The painting is done, so last week I took another vanful of books to the library, another load to charity, and filled multiple trashcans placed at the curve. Yesterday and today I was actually able to put back in most of the den, kitchen and living room from the stacked-up dining room. Still to go this weekend are the entire upstairs and the office (groan!) but it's going to get done this weekend... I'm going to get my nest back, now!

The bad thing is that I've been sleeping where I could. On carpet downstairs when the stairs guy was here, on an air mattress when the upstairs got trashed, on my mattress in the closet where the painter put it while painting the ceiling... anywhere. Everything upstairs got crammed into the guest bedroom. Then I couldn't find clean clothes to wear, since the painter covered my bedroom floor with them when he painted the closet. I did put my closet back together last Sunday, a big improvement to my bedroom and my mental health.

The really bad thing is that at times this interrupts my training and my fun. No bike commuting, no rides, no hikes and not much lifting for the last week or so, since I've been overloaded at work too... zero miles and zero hours. I feel like a slug. I've been busy all day today but haven't gotten any cardio out of it. Legs, yes, going up and down stairs and hill all day. Tomorrow I'm working on my office first, then the upstairs. I hope to finish so that I can relax and go hike my local mountain on Monday (a holiday), not the Grand Canyon, but easier to get to.

I'm mostly done with paint but still not done with workers... they're coming back to tear out and replace the foyer hardwood and lay new hardwoods at the upstairs hall and landing, and then comes the kitchen backsplash, which means more cleanup and repainting, since these boys think their mother lives here. They're a huge hassle, but I don't think my back would have endured if I did it myself.

The house is looking gorgeous... better than new... so I'm buying me a new LazyBoy and staying rather than selling the place. That's less hassle.

This time, the Welcome mats face in.

- © 2007 by Willy
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We Give What We Have

To him who only owns a hammer, every problem looks like a nail (Maslow).

In a relationship, we can only give what we have, and we can only expect what they are. Funny how we forget this.

I'm not sad at past behavior. I accept it, and even embrace it. It's funny to think back that what I was expecting just wasn't in her... my ex... all she owned was a hammer, literally.

I was deeply in love with her, but she wasn't. There was no "we." Based upon her words and actions, she felt nothing for me. How about "You through with me yet?" or her praise of a waiter's muscles, or inviting men over to the house... and there were other cruelties.

We had it all. The relationship should have been good but instead it was twisted and distorted. She never had the concept of "we" because she was incapable... it couldn't be changed, so it couldn't be saved.

I pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Another restatement is that I can't change the wind, but I can adjust my sails. And the redneck restatement is that you can't teach a pig to sing...it wastes your time, and it annoys the pig. That pig don't sing and she never will.

She was so believable because she was the most self-deceptive person I've ever know. Also, because I wanted it to work. Unfortunately, I was living a fantasy.

Academics at Denver University have developed a theory of commitment that says, essentially, that the best relationships are those in which two people see themselves as us more than as you and me. They make sacrifices for each other, and give priority to each other’s needs. In other words, relationship commitment is all about "we," not independence. No surprise here!

On a related issue... anger turned inwards is depression. After grieving, my anger resulted in bad thinking... and bad emotional and physical health. So, I am staying calm, serene and peaceful. I forgive them because I don't want their poison to continue to affect me... I'd rather they succumb to their own. I believe there is justice in this world and that she's going to get hers eventually. In reality, being shallow and self-centered, she moved on years ago, and maybe I haven't. However, I'm back to doing what's right, without compromise, and focusing to think the right thoughts. Life is definitely good, and most people are too.

Everybody I've known has made me happy, some by coming and some by going.

- © 2007 by Willy
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P.S., in either case, the best is yet to come!
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It's Time

After the figurative bomb went off, I vented for months. It may have done me good, although I have nothing to compare it to. In any case, looking back through this blog, I see that my craziness, my hurt, my grief, and my anger has lately subsided, although some remains. It's been slowly replaced by a sense of warmth, happiness, peace and calmness.

I've been busy at work and I've been busy at home, and getting busier. In the last six months, I've solved many a technical and people problem, unclogging many a toilet, with more to go. I've gotten in nice physical shape... earning many compliments... have had a lot of fun, pedaled and hiked to the extreme, and laughed a lot. Did a significant amount of business and personal vacation travel both. I've cleaned up the house, spending huge amounts of money and time updating the house to sell... but it looks sooo good now that I'm staying!

I don't have interest in further grieving... or in irrational or emotional thinking. I don't really care what the fools are up to. I'm happy, life is good, injuries are manageable, and I'm enjoying life in its many splendors.

It's time to dust myself off and get on with it.

-©2007 by Willy

P.S., I will continue to write, though.
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Outlive The Bitches?

You've surely heard the story of the 98-year old lady who, when asked by her preacher what her secret was for not needing to forgive her enemies, remarked that she had outlived the bitches.

There was a Time magazine article earlier this year that presented Worry and Stress from risk based upon number of fatalities. The bottom line was that we shouldn't worry about dying in a car wreck, where only 40,000 of us die yearly in this country, but we should indeed worry about cardiovascular disease and cancer, where 1.2 million a year of us die (30 times more). And we can minimize this risk with a healthy diet and daily exercise.

We've all know for years that being fat and out of shape increases risk for heart attacks and strokes, but this week a superstudy (a study of 7,000 cancer studies) stated that there is direct correlation between overweight and cancer... you lower the risk of cancer 20% by reducing your weight by just 10 pounds! Wow!

My old buddy Mike divorced a few years ago. They have a life insurance policy that would pay off to the surviving ex-spouse. He is trying his darnest to live a clean and fit life so that his ex-spouse can't profit from his death.

Even though I'm all about quality of life as compared to quantity, these two do correlate, like it or not.

I may end up doing like that little old lady, and my friend Mike, only because I do plan on continuing to get more fit, eat a better diet, do consistent daily exercise, continue support groups, read more comedy, and give up stressful people. Thus I might end up outliving the bitches and aholes as a side effect.

Might even remember who they were.

If I do, I will dance on their graves.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Behavior Modification

I'm not perfect by a long shot, but I'm not bad either. Besides being a skeptic and intolerant of fools, my real problem seems to be being a Codependent. I try too much to take care of people to the point that they avail themselves of me instead of growing up and being responsible, thus I draw dependents. I'm going to a support group, and this time I'm sticking with it, just like I've got to stay at the gym for life.

Yes, I'm a skeptic. I do believe that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and thus I've got to abstain. I have a 2x4 at office and another at home, prominently displayed, with signed instructions to hit me with it if I get into another romantic relationship. I call it my Correction Stick. It also should keep away the femme fatales, unless they take it as a challenge or a game.

I hope this combination of support group, whack motivation, and dependent repellent does the trick.

- © 2007 by Willy

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Operating Temperature

After 12 minutes I shed my sweat jacket, and in another 10 off came the T-shirt. I was then at Operating Temperature and Pressure on the Precor elliptic.

I then raised the ramp to max, the load to 14 and continued on to finish my usual hour of cardio, followed up by a cool down.

I love riding and hiking outside because I enjoy Mother Nature, but I like indoor machines because I can load, instrument and gauge my progress. In either case, I warm up. Warming up and stretching is always required. Years ago I had tendonitis until I figured it out... the human machine has to ramp up or it breaks.

Of course, machines are the same way as my body in the sense that they need warming up too. Mash that accelerator hard right after you crank the car and you've taken a thousand miles off your car lifetime and you're looking for a blown head gasket, rod or main bearing.

There are differences, though. I found that part of the solution to healing my emotionally broken heart was to try to physiologically break it.

That is, give it a hard workout, make the sucker pump and take it to its limits. Associated with that was a serious diet that would allow me to do it. This is both different and the same from the warm up guideline in that both still need warm up, but my heart does adapt and grows stronger emotionally and physically, unlike my car.

I wish I could have somehow taken my heart to emotional Operating Temperature and Pressure before it broke earlier this year.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Happiness

Every now and then something happens and I forget what life's all about, but I know that part of the answer is happiness. Yes, there is enough happiness to go around, yes, God did intend for me to be happy, no matter what, and, yes, it's all in the attitude... but more too.

If happiness is going forward without reservation and without fear, if happiness is wanting and appreciating what I've already got (as compared to success, which is getting what you want), if happiness is liking what I do and liking myself, and still having the power of choice, then few married people are happy.

I'm happy now. Not just because I appreciate what I have, which I do. Not because I am able to hike the Grand Canyon in its rugged splendor, which I just did. But because I am enjoying the scenery of one of life's many detours.

I had grown numb waiting for the intimacy that never came, or the reciprocity that never happened. What I got instead was criticism and demands from my shallow and self-centered ex. I was insignificant to her other than as free rent. She's not what she appeared to be.

Life had been a challenge the last few years, but I rediscovered this year that happiness came down to being quietly content. There's happiness in solitude because there's nobody around to ruin it. My ex caused my happiness when she left. Wish she'd left years ago.

I now count my blessings rather than worry about our problems.

-©2007 by Willy
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Touchstones

I have a few Touchstones or constants in my life. One is me... me, my soul and my God will be with myself until I die and afterwards. Another are possessions like my 1973 Corvette, my 1971 Schwinn 10-speed and my books. A third Touchstone are my buddies and my family, not including relationships and marriages.

The Vette I ordered from the factory in Fall of 1972 and after gestation (came in 7 months later), I called it my firstborn. It's an object, but it's been there forever to the point that it's part of me. Selling it would be like cutting off a finger, same for the Schwinn. And books I've read and reread are old friends.

Touchstones make me feel comfortable. Touchstones give continuity and let me gauge both how far I've progressed, and how true I've stayed to my roots. These measurements are important functions for my mental health. I am definitely an engineer.

The two worse feelings I've had are going through my divorce in 1982 and when my fiance left me this year... but I had my Touchstones to keep me company.

In 1982 I took Vette and the clothes on my back, and started a new life doing different work in a different city nearby. Some of my buddies did not side with me due to poisoning from my ex wife. I quickly returned to town to bring up the kids when raising them became too much trouble for the ex. The poisoned individuals softened due to this and when they recognized the ex was certifiably crazy (she got social security disability). Some of these people are now part of my Touchstones again.

This year I stayed at home and work but did again lose some buddies due to the same poisoning by my ex fiance. As in 1982, the poisoned friends deserve my ex, and I truly hope they gag on her. Like in '82, some will eventually see The Truth, but I really don't care... I have my Touchstones. My family and true buddies know me well and saw through the lies, supported me and have helped both times around... although pills and psychologist were definitely needed this time and saved my life.

I went to visit the family elderly recently... which I do every year or two (have to go Touch the Stones, you know) and had the usual good time with my last elderly aunt, in a nursing home and having trouble walking. She has been downsizing for years and giving me family pictures, and now some history and stories which I taped and made into Touchstones.

I've got some new Touchstones from my latest friends. I had lunch with Charlie most days, for years and years, but he died of a heart attack in his sleep a few months back, a young man. I inherited some of Charlie's books, his kindness, and a lot of his work... and delight in knowing I do indeed have some of his own Touchstones. My good friend and mentor Walt, who is about to retire this month at age 73, taught me to be methodical, thorough and intolerant of fools... and recently gave me his Bode Slide Rule.

As I mentioned in a previous blog article, I am a melting pot of people I've met, and am proud of having their Touchstones in mind and shelf. I've seen my friends, and they are I.

-©2007 by Willy
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There's BS Everywhere

Surely you know that we live in an age of BS. When we listen to radio or TV, or read a newspaper, we're being fed mostly advertising, with just enough content to keep us interested. The boundary between ads and program is gone... we now have some ads that ARE merged with and are part of the program or content.

The only way to avoid this barrage is to leave the radio and TV off, or to stick your fingers in your ears as bullshit protectors.

It's not just where the camera shows some character drinking a specific brand of soft drink. An NBC news report tonight on sub-prime loans contained a dozen realtor and lender signs. One of the "3-second shot Cameos" was a banker, by-lined properly.

The TV news today was that Consumer's Report said Ford was increasing vehicle reliability. Can this be anything but an ad? How subjective is this?

I believe that we are bombarded every second of the day and night with ads, suggestions and commands... subtle or otherwise... not just from the media but also from our significant others, to influence and control us. Deception and Untruth are everywhere because there is no downside... deception works.

And thus the subtle poisoning of some of my friends by my "innocent" ex worked well too. I quit having lunch with acquaintances years ago because it ended up being a sales pitch for Amway, and I've quit committed relationships because they have all been cons.

This may be why I only watch TV that I've Tivo'ed and can fast-forward ads, why I prefer to ride and hike solo, and why I live by myself. There's comfort and relief in quietness.

- © 2007 by Willy

Hang On!

Life is good, but it does come at you fast sometimes... like a storm. About all you can do then is look for a place to honker down and ride it out.

But if at the time you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!

The storm will soon pass.

-©2007 by Willy

Nothing Beats a Good Bike Ride

That's right: nothing. A lot of us think this way.

Just wait... you might too. The smartest man in the world said so. He also implied that most people are stupid. Take your choice.

You young whippersnappers, male or female, can think what you want, but I stand by my statement. Adrenalin production, coming fast down a tall mountain, trumps a roll in the sack or any kind of drug. And, because the ride lasts much longer than typical sexual antics, you enjoy it longer and you get fit to boot.

Although cuddling carbon isn't the same, other factors abound. That includes slowing down, being part of Mother Nature, taking in the sun, listening to the symphony of the birds, riding through falling fall leaves and greeting like-minded individuals. Even in a slow and flat ride, the little adrenalin boosted by the above factors increases happiness beyond expectations.

"Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride." - John F. Kennedy.

Ride the bike.
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-©2007 by Willy
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Using Sex For Money

"Do you know how to tell if you're coming or going?" She purred. "Nooo, tell me." I said. "Cum is white, pee is yellow." She slowly said, smiling, pressing into me and keeping eye contact.

That conversation happened twenty five years ago, and not much has changed. Some people still flirt and charm, seducing and deceiving to get their way. It's still all about sex and money, and I expect it will always be.

The flirting and using sex to get money disgusts me (there's a common word for that, which I won't use here), but that's not the only method used... there's other ways to hook somebody. There really is a battle of the sexes: One want companionship and the other wants their money. That's because it's easier to flirt than go to school, embark upon a career, work hard and save money. And flirting and deceiving works well. Hell, just paying attention to somebody works well. We're suckers. We make the same mistake over and over again. We don't learn because we fall in love every 5 or 10 years, forgetting what it was like or hoping that this one is worth it. Mencken said that love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Part of this too is that the femme fatales are all different in their attacks. Sort of the way insurgents change the way they use IEDs in Iraq. Some femmes use innocence now as a tool, which works great against co-dependents. Some of this, it is claimed, is their own self-deception, but deception is deception, whether by hook or crook.

Of course, besides catching somebody, the flirting and charming could also be game playing, control and ego issues, or need for excitement. They should discover a bike ride over a mountain instead... adrenalin galore, great satisfaction and complete control over yourself and the bike.

My suggestion to young men is to save themselves... get a vasectomy now, while they can. That reduces the trauma and financial loss at the end. And might keep the femmes away too.

The only successful marriages I see are where the couple married young, right out of school, and grew together.

-©2007 by Willy
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Broken Tiles

Where are the broken tiles in my roof? Just what and where are my weak spots?

How can I live with such a leaky roof? How can I take the constant leaking? Besides me getting wet, the house will rot! Shouldn't I go climb right up in this rainstorm and cement those tiles?

Of course not... it's raining and the roof is slippery. It's best to ride out the storm and wait for a sunny day in which to climb up.

We all have good tiles and broken tiles... dreams and broken dreams... that make up the roof or our life.

And we have sunny days and rainy days. When it's sunny we forget about the broken tiles... until it rains again.

On the other hand, we have many good tiles too... the vast majority of the large number of tiles on our roof are good, whole, tiles.

Life is similar, we all have weak spots, and when it rains, there's a leak. It's OK, it's not a big deal... a couple of broken tiles are nothing.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections... mine and yours.


The tiles shown above are on the roof of the Hyatt Coral Gables, a high-buck top-of-the-line hotel in Miami. The hotel and the patrons don't seem too bothered by the leaks. And neither should we be... we're OK, and we can take a little rain when it storms. Overall, we're tougher than we think.

Let's not dwell on our broken tiles.

- © 2007 by Willy
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If We Are...

Yes, if we are what we eat, then I'm fast, cheap and easy. Yes, you've gotten this email a few times by now, but I really do agree with it. I am fast, cheap and easy... but is that all I am?

I am really a melting pot of every character I've met, of every column I've read, of every TV show I've watched, of every reference book in my shelf, of everywhere I've been. I can't say exactly what I am.

I'm fast because I'm hyperactive and I have to keep up with the world. I'm cheap because I had nothing when I was growing up and I've earned my pay, see no reason to throw away money. I'm easy because I do help a lot of people out, thinking it the reason why I'm still around. There are some problems with these traits... I have trouble turning it all off to sleep at night, my fiance blew up when I got her a 1-carat certified engagement ring at Wal-mart, and I do attract dependents.

I'm also well read like my friend Al, muscular like my workout buddy Dallas, tender like my cousin Mary, handy like in those Home Flip shows, conservative like O'Reilly, funny like Leno, smart like Wikipedia, and tough like Bounty.

I'd like to think that, on a good day, I'm also kind, positive, loving, and other good things. I also am afraid that I'm getting to be an old skeptic, and very set in my ways. But I know that the benefits outweigh the detriments. I hope and I pray that in my melting pot the good always outweigh the bad.

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-text © 2007 by Willy

Walk The Walk... but Ride The Bike

To me, a winner does more than his job, where a Loser says "I only work here." In the same way, a winner Walks The Walk, where a Loser just Talks The Talk. Those Losers can be very charming and convincing, but long-term observation will separate them from the winners. They can't keep up their appearances forever... eventually you notice that there's no Walk.

I've seen this at work, where the irresponsible Loser watches the clock to bolt out right at the 4 o'clock hour. The winners get their job done even if they stay late to solve a problem.

But I've most readily experienced Losers in a romantic relationship. Winners only can be sifted out when living together, where the charming Losers can be identified by their failure to live up to commitments. The trick is TO ACT once you know, instead of falling in love knowing damned well that you've got a Loser living with you now... creating a predicament. I've posted this to myself... so I can re-read it often and (yeah) remind myself to...

Walk the walk!

Somewhat related to this, our heat wave called Summer seems to have ended. I'm now freezing my butt on my initial morning bike commute... since I coast downhill towards work. Although the afternoon ride from work to gym, errands and back home is still nicely sunny, and now at a very pleasant temperature. Pretty soon I'll have to hunt for my shell!

I've been good to bike commute and/or go to gym on a daily basis, even though my home is being updated with new floors, new kitchen and interior paint... just like I'm changing my body also. I'm lucky if the painter hasn't covered my bed with books and other stuff that day as I get in late. I'm looking forward to a calmer household, which may take another month.

I used to worry about not getting enough riding miles, which is no more... bike commuting hits four birds with one stone, not only racking miles while conserving time and gas, but providing more of nature's magic tapestry of sights and sounds, as well as giving me time to think things through in therapeutic form. I recommend it highly.

A bike takes little maintenance, does what it should do, can't lie to me, doesn't overspend, can't bitch nor criticize nor boss me around, can't invite men over, and can't steal my prescriptions. Bikes are wonderful, especially compared to relationships. I love my bikes! I've considered selling my cars and just renting when I need one (Enterprise delivers), just like giving up women, but keeping my friendships, so...

Ride the bike!

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-©2007 by Willy

Compliments

Hello there! Glad you could drop in and glad to have you. You're looking very nice this evening.

Didn't that make you feel good? Of course! Everybody likes a friendly attitude and an honest compliment... you and me both. And, with the right attitude, there's always something positive and good to say to somebody or about somebody.

When I was a kid, my mother would browbeat me, slapping me on the head, yelling "Stand up straight!" Which made me feel bad, retreat and slump even more. If instead she would have said "You're a handsome fellow!" I would have felt ten foot tall, and would have acted like it.

Not much came from my ex but commands and criticism. The only compliments I ever got from her was after she left, in Dear John emails (I'm sure she felt magnanimous). Wish she'd left years ago.

It is always our choice to criticize or compliment each other. Putting me down made my mother and my ex feel better about themselves, who were both failures in life.

[An aside: There is a possibility of entering a co-dependency relationship while complimenting, so I've got to watch it, and give the compliments but always put the monkey on their back to feel better on their own.]

I finally "got it" only after leaving home as a young man: the Secret To Life is to smile, have a positive attitude, and compliment each other!

A corollary to that is not just to compliment but also to make the other person look good too... but that is for another day's blog.

What does smiling cost you? What does giving a compliment cost you? Nothing. How does it make you and me feel? Happy!

It's all about the attitude, and which attitude you pick is your choice. Love others, and choose a positive attitude. If you can't love them, then leave them, because they don't need your put-downs.

'Nuffsaid.

-©2007 by Willy
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Determination

Look inside you... How have you self-motivated yourself in life before? Where did you get the willpower to do things? How did you deal with a difficult matter? You have done something before, haven't you?

For me, determination comes out of setting a reachable goal and somehow talking myself into summoning enough will power and generating self-motivation into a critical mass that will take me over the top. Clubs and the right partners help tremendously, but it eventually takes a self-kick-in-the-butt to get going and do it. Mental steroids are difficult to find, but they are there and they work. Once that critical mass is reached, then it is much easier to stay in the groove or get even better.

But... enough already... how do you self-motivate?

I propose that you have to get hungry enough for something, and that in order to do this, you must be able to hit bottom. If mom, dad, spouse or fiance rescue you from bottom, then there IS no motivation. So, stay away from your co-dependents, put self-deception aside too, and get real.

To me, for losing weight you have to look at yourself in the mirror and go "yuck" a few times. For going to school to get a better job, understand that you are a career failure and don't make beans. For growth (Innocent at 40? Right.), admit that you have no maturity nor have ever accepted any responsibility. For dealing with a bitch, understand that you have to dump her.

And get In The Zone.

Again, to me, it's simple once you get there... if you want to diet, quit eating; if you want a better job, take a course; for growth, work hard at something; and if you want a better self-image, terminate your relationship with the critics! Or do all of the above. That's it. Just Do It!

The mouse in a maze is motivated by the smell of cheese in the opposite corner. Standing still is not an option if you are hungry (motivated) enough. He has several options to proceed: (1) obviously, take the lefts and rights to get there, (2) jump over and around the maze, and (3) brute force your way to the cheese. Similarly, we... you and I... have the same options, once motivated, i.e., work hard at it, finesse it, or go head-down and get there... or do all of the above, again. Use your head in more than one way.

Good luck... but don't call me.
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- © 2007 by Willy
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Dependent Independence

Are you independent or a dependent?

Wikipedia does not show a listing for Independence other than for a nation. On the other hand, it lists a Dependent as "One who relies on another for support ."

Do you get free rent? Right, you are a dependent. Do you bother others for rides or whatever? Do you depend on the generosity of kindhearted people around you? Do you spend more than you earn? Then you are definitely a dependent!

Would you rather do what you want regardless of what it does to others? Regardless of what you should be doing? Now you are irresponsible, not independent.

Would you rather do what you want regardless of your significant other? And control him, telling him what to do, and where to turn? Being difficult? Not compromising? Criticize him about everything? Praising other men's virtues to his face? Inviting other men over to the house? Never giving a shit about him? Just there for the free ride? Then you are a fraud, abusive, cruel and disgusting, but you are not independent.


Do you steal your significant other's prescriptions? If so, you are not just a dependent, but a criminal.

Finally, do you get along in life based upon your looks? Your cuteness? Your innocence? Your... dependency?

And those kindhearted, giving people around you are called Co-dependents. Sooner or later, they will get tired of you taking and not giving. They will see you for what you are, mutual self-deception notwithstanding. They will tire of putting up with your shit, no matter how cute you are. Even those who love you will eventually leave you.

You would be independent if you are able to stand on your own two feet. If you'd spend less than you earn, earn more than you spend (a solution is to get a degree and then a better job, and/or quit spending!). Maybe if you'd contribute in some way... by taking good care of house and home, by supporting your significant other with a kind, positive, giving, loving, attitude, honestly share your feelings, and live up to your commitments, with no deception.

I have no illusions here... to a certain extent I too am dependent on others. Even though I am a man of many talents, I do not remotely know it all or can do it all. I do depend on customers, coworkers, the government, the grocer, the doctor and the baker... to a degree. But I contribute significantly to them too. This is called interdependence. I enjoy my friendships without being a bother or a bore, and I detest those who are.

I contribute. Do you?

-©2007 by Willy
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Cultural Conflicts

The fish out of water gets eaten. A foreigner out of his culture clashes. And although he might not reach as tragic an end as the fish, his tragedy lasts a lifetime. Nobody adjusts completely.

The bottom line is that to properly develop ourselves, we must develop proper communications... and to do that we must know each other well.

Its amazing how much of what we do is based on culture... from how we wake to how we sleep. Most other cultures wake naturally to daybreak. Here we get up in the middle of the night to an annoying alarm clock and possible heart attack (although the Yankee work ethic is obviously more efficient). At night, other cultures bring out the wine and talk around a table, bonding, but here we eat Doritos and hush the spouse to watch TV.

Occasions are completely mind boggling to foreigners. A Valentine's Day card seemed as committal as a diamond ring when this 11-year old boy got a certain smile from a little girl named Jo.

Putting down the foreigner has been a staple of TV for a century. It's amazing too how much bias there is against other cultures, and how little we care about it. Instead, we laugh at the jokes and thus put down others. There are an awful lot of bigots out there... and most of them don't look like bigots, or admit being one.

The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish literal translation read "Are you lactating?" Did somebody not explain that translations must carry culture? Evidently not.

It happens the other way around, too... Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

Foreigners truly do end up in the melting pot, but the sadness is that by then much permanent personal damage is done by ignoring culture... both coming and going.

-©2007 by Willy
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Praying

Lord, help me keep my head on straight.

What is your favorite prayer, and what do you pray for? I've noticed that there's usually three types of prayer. A lot of us pray to thank God, some ask God for direction, and some ask Him for things or actions.

The latter prayer, being the Type-A personality's favorite, is sometimes put down (don't you tell God what to do!), although some saints defend it, and it is a practical way to hope He will keep your ex away. The former type of prayer is the usual mealtime thanks for most folks (For food to nourish the body and conversation to enrich the soul, we are truly thankful).

To ask for discernment is my own constant lament, as well as, lately, a plead for mercy. These are what I pray most, in many variations. Lord, keep me on the straight and narrow, don't let me hurt somebody, etc. Saint Teresa's classic prayer (Let nothing disturb you, let nothing affright you, all things are passing) is a great de-stressor, and another variation.

When the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

My plead for sanity in all things is only remarkable if you think you might have been close to the edge. And for just that I pray, amen.

- text © 2007 by Willy
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What Drives Us?

Yes, it's love and money that drive us, just like Freud said. But there are some subtleties within this. My friend Ed, who has a PhD in physics, but also for years owned a retail store, says that we engineers/scientists marry the first woman who pays attention to us... and the second and third. And he may be right. We don't seem to discriminate people very well, although we can easily pick out the best product... TV, car, missile, or whatever, that fits our need.

It may be that we can't pick our women well because it is usually they who pick us, and it seems that they do it on the basis of money and availability. In this town there are many more engineers & scientists than there are doctors, and The Almighty Dollar reigns, specially for those women that don't make a lot of money themselves. I've noticed, in general, that the women that have a great career don't need no stinkin' husband, but they'll take a wife instead, and some I know have done just that... a meek husband that caters to their needs and who may not have a decent paycheck... a dependent. And they have the same trouble with their men as I've had with women. It is rare to see a couple that get along well, but even more rare is to see a couple with great careers, both, that stay together. These are definitely in the minority. Funny, isn't it?

Yes, I could be a male chauvinist pig, and I might be a cynic, but this is my observation. Look around yourself and check it out. Tell me if there's no truth to this. Although, if I have hurt your feelings, or you are the dependent in the story, you have my apology and sympathy... and a suggestion that you plant both feet on the ground and go after that degree and that career to better yourself and contribute! Do something with your life! Dam' the relationship torpedo, full speed ahead.

Oh... and don't get me started on love

- text © 2007 by Willy
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The Right Turn In My Life

During the recent trauma associated with the termination of my recent 5-year love affair, I swore to God that I am never, ever, going to be caught in that predicament again... the pain was unbearable. That was the end of THAT kind of relationship! I just am not going to allow myself to fall head-over-heals in love, give my heart, nor share my life. I've got to stay sane while I'm still around.

Many years ago, after my divorce, I said something about not getting married again, so I guess I had shot cupid and did not realize it.

My good friend David tells me that he is sure that I will fall in love again. I agreed with him, but also remarked that this time I'm not going to tell her, nor will I pursue that relationship... it's going to be my little secret.

And my definition of love has changed forever... I love people who do their work responsibly, who are kind and helpful to others, who trust, contribute, and respect. Who have a good positive attitude, and who are complimentary. I love people who enjoy life, who found their calling, and who work their mission here. And who do the right thing no matter what.

I love people who love others in that way, and want to develop more friends like that and deeper friendships... but I will not lust after them, live with them nor marry them.

-©2007 by Willy
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Indicator I Was Doing Better

I laughed!

It's been a day-by-day progression out of depression and back into a life with a more positive outlook. It's been five months, and now I can laugh at the whole relationship foible. And now I can laugh at her too. She threw us away, but did us both a favor. If we did not think of the relationship as valuable enough to work at it and save it (and we didn't), then we should have split years ago... if we had a relationship at all to begin with. I found an email dated 2 months after she moved in, documenting problems that we never did solve 4 years later. Funny how hope prolongs your agony.

Now I'm happier, stronger and fitter. With continuing work to get hunk again to pre-relationship levels. I feel better physically and mentally, and look forward to the morning. I sleep better and say "Good morning, God!" rather than "Good God... morning!"

I doubt there will be any contact by her in the future, but if there is, I am not responding. That book is closed and burned. The thunder and lightning is over, and my mind is clear again. And, did I mention... I'm laughing!

-©2007 by Willy
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How I Got Out Of Depression

Or what worked for me!

I'm not a doctor, psychologist or counselor... just an engineer.

When my best friend and fiance left me, ending a 5-year committed relationship, it was a trigger that drove me deep into despondency or depression. I had become insignificant to her, but I was still heads-over-heels in love. Gave me a monster headache, but every part of my body hurt too, and I could hardly walk. God, it hurt!

First, my co-workers and buddies kept calling me, and I started to respond.

Then, I found a reason. There is an old Christian tradition that God sends each person into this world with a special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, with a special act of love to bestow. No one else can speak my message or sing my song or offer my act of love. These have been entrusted only to me. And thus, I had a mission.

Given that, I went to see a good psychologist, just for a few sessions. Insurance paid for half of the charges. He not only led me by the hand in this difficult time but also recommend that my doctor prescribe an antidepressant. I trusted my psychologist friend, because even I, myself, recognized my irrational thinking. The antidepressants took 4 weeks to work, and I needed that help yesterday. I wrote down what the psych said, and did what he suggested doing, too. Shrink and pills were both essential.

I continued to communicate with family and friends, co-workers and acquaintances, all who gave me the kindness I needed, but with the mindset to get over this trauma.

At first it seems impossible to do but I knew I had to take this emotional bull by the horn and wrestle him down to the ground... and only I could do this. I cried, yelled, took pills and fought my devils from the bottom of a bowl, but I had to plan to get on with my life, plan to become independent and plan to stand up with chest out. Yes, I had people helping, but it was me who had to do the work. Life IS good. I became a voracious reader of books and internet on the subjects of philosophy and psychology, and felt better.

After the grief settled, I became angry. I went for fitness hard. Began bicycle commuting to work, doing daily cardio, and lifting very heavy. I became ferocious!

And, most importantly, I kept in mind that others do not necessarily know more than I do. That is, I had to work hard to remind myself that what my significant other said and did was just her bullshit and her problem. I am a nice guy. I had to have confidence in myself. I told myself that I was going to get over this too, that I've done dam well and that I was going to shine again. At first nothing interested me, but I just kept plugging along like a machine... until I was able to have some fun, too. Came out of my shell, laughed out loud... at anything or nothing... to brighten my life.

I do better day by day. Some days I regress a bit, but that's OK, because I do better the next day.

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!

What works for you may not work for me, and vice-versa, so look for what does work for you. You have to have patience and faith.

Good Luck!

-©2007 by Willy
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Reality

In order to live in reality, the first step is to detect where your head is at. Kind of like in the movie "The Matrix" and prior ones like "Alice In Wonderland," what we're seeing or feeling might not be Truth. And this is because of hormones, depression, self-deceit, or other maladies or interrupters. In the heat of the battle, adrenalin will give us tunnel vision. Lust blocks the thinking process entirely... my son referred to this as "thinking with your little head." Depression colors our world black to the point that we can't see. The reason some people can lie convincingly is because of self-deception... they really believe what they spout... which, to us, could seem believable instead of obvious malarkey. And all of these are ways of thinking irrationally.

So, how do we detect this so as to correct our vision with rational glasses? I believe that we can't, but our friends can tell us. An unbiased observer with his/her own perspective is a Godsend. I appreciate true friends more and more each day, and ask for their help more. More on this topic in the future.

-©2007 by Willy
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Cardio

Of course, losing 40 pounds earlier this year makes a huge difference in how I feel (there is less huffing and puffing, I move faster, etc), but also quantitatively, in my heartbeat, my ride speed and my distance. My heartbeat, given a specific load, has dropped 20 beats! I can't reach my old max heartbeat (165) any more... I seem to be muscle-limited now rather than lung-limited for the same perceived exertion. My ride speed increased 2 mph average on bike commutes, and my long-and-slow Sunday ride miles have doubled.

I do plan to continue this weight loss to drop maybe 10 more pounds... the fat atop my abs... but not at the expense of my hard-earned muscles. I've just now, months later, gotten back to the weights I had been pushing.

So, the plateau being over, it's time to drop more weight... get back to the diet and get serious again on cardio... I am going to add more gym cardio machines to my bike commute, because I can better gauge progress or get a metric with them, since I don't want to overdo it. I am also dangling that new-bike carrot, and my goal is to ride solo a week, credit card ultralight, maybe to the beach.

Hope you're having a great day!

-©2007 by Willy
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