What Fall Brings

Around my neck of the woods, we begin to notice Fall around Halloween, but the turning, falling leaves are not obvious until Thanksgiving, today. This year Fall is a true spectacle. The colors are much brighter than usual, and leaves are staying on the trees longer. Some opine that this is due to the Summer drought followed by recent rains. Most of us say that nobody really knows why leaves change color and are just content to enjoy the breathtaking scenery. Fall color must be one of God's tokens of love for us.

My favorite thing to do this time of year is to ride through the leaves piled on the side of the streets. I've been doing this since I was a boy, and still enjoy it. The bonus is actually riding through falling leaves... I always wear a big smile for that.

Around now I somewhat reduce my outdoors hiking and bicycling, and take up more indoor machines. This is mostly due to having history slipping on wet leaves and stepping on uneven ground. Also, created wind or apparent wind when bicycling is treasured in Summer but detestable in Winter as we create a sweatbox inside our wind shells. So, I just did my first home studio bike spin... puddles of sweat baptized my new hardwood floors. My bike commuting will reduce depending on the weather.

I just had a fitness assessment, and even though anaerobically I was 90-100%-tile, my VO2 was just "High." My goal is to meet the requirements for "Athlete," which means this Fall brings more focus, with more miles and a better diet... if I can stay motivated enough, and injury-free to boot, two big ones that have previously sabotaged me.

Hope you have some very happy holidays, a wonderful Christmas, a terrific new year... and better riding!

- © 2007 by Willy
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Once Upon a Time

True stories from my wonderful world...

After joking about my embarrassment during vasectomy, a surgical nurse friend of mine (who wants to remain nameless) told me a better story. They had scrubbed, gowned and masked, and were starting a hemorrhoid surgery. The poor guy's butt was on a jig, up in the air. The surgery room was busy with preparations. Wrongly assuming that the anesthesia had taken hold, the nurse says out loud "Nice butt!" and slaps it. The patient responds with "Thanks" to everyone's giggles. Then he got aroused, to even more giggles! She said it's a good thing she was masked so the poor guy would not recognize her later.

Upon hearing that I hurt myself at the gym, my friend Jim answered with this: "I hope you are feeling better soon. I do not want to rub it in, BUT, I have never injured myself getting my Lean Cuisine meals out of the freezer case, through the checkout line, and home to my freezer. Now I know you have been trying to entice me to commit suicide and join you at the gym. Well, I feel that I have chosen the better part. If you would like to accompany me on my next trip to the freezer case, I will come and pick you up, take you to the super market, get you a wheel chair, push you around the store and return you home safe and sound."

As a young man, painting my first house for the first time, I was at the top corner or gable end trying to paint the facia boards next to the roof when I noticed these eyes looking at me thru the slats. Not knowing the size of the teeth that went with those eyes, I decided to descend the ladder and find something to shoo the vermin. I found the wasp spray before I found the broom, so I went back up, sprayed the eyes from a safe distance away, and... lo and behold, it came straight at me! I fell off the ladder into the bushes. Looking up from the ground I see this bat fluttering slowly away. Surprised would be too mild a description.

My friend Roger... a source of constant fun and amusement... had a blind date this past Halloween. He tells me he actually scared her by showing up at her home on Halloween in a rubber mask of an eerie looking man. When he knocked at her door, the date, a very attractive woman, thought he was a bum from a slum area of town and locked her front door before Roger could come in!

Yes, it trully is a wonderful world, just as Louie Armstrong said.

- © 2007 by Willy
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And God said...

grad dot E = rho / epsilon-zero
grad dot B = 0
grad cross E = - del-B/del-t
grad cross B = 1/c-square times del-E/del-t
+ micro-subzero time J
... and there was light!

Similarly, have you noticed that sunsets are usually red but sunrises are yellow? This is because normally we are looking at the sunset thru the heated atmosphere, which looks red. Thus a modification is needed to the wave equations above.


And the three-dimensional standing waves made by any boat on a calm lake are also wave equations, though not of light, but following the same physics. It's all the same physics, the same laws, and the same equations.

We're trying to understand.

"I want to understand what's on God's mind, the rest are just details." - Albert Einstein.

Me too.

- some of this © 2007 by Willy

Nightmares

I have had a few recurring nightmares. When I was a young man, I worried about my work responsibilities in getting my engineering projects to succeed, and at home in raising and supporting a family.

From day one I was in a hurry to fly, even though my wings were just not there yet. I concentrated and tried sooo hard! Consistency, time and patience helped... I eventually did grow the wings and I soared with eagles... or at least other swan.

Nowadays my work worries are non-technical... getting everyone covered... and my immediate home stresses are to get on with my life.

One recent personal concern is how close I came to marrying my ex. She appeared innocent but was horrid. A profligate spender, she drove me crazy with demands and criticism, wanting everything her way with no compromise. I was insignificant to her. My recurring nightmares of finding a stranger in the house were based upon her inviting other men over, which was the last straw in a series of cruelties. Who gave her the right to be cruel to me? With her actions she hurt me but set me free. If I had married her, I would have put a gun to my head, which is exactly what she wanted, in issue being my will. How did I fall in love with THAT? And how do I prevent this nightmare from happening again?

I guess that we all stumble in some sort of way. We're not perfect. In mind and in body sometimes we stumble because of somebody else and sometimes it's our own fault. And when we do, it's usually painful. One solution is to stop the world and get off, quit dealing with people and go solo here too. In running, bicycling and triathlons, there's usually a crash at the last hundred yards to the finish line... if you are racing with other people. It seems, no matter what, that emotions and exuberance take over from the rational thinking process... and we crash and burn. Stumbling, in general, is a common concern and nightmare of mine and of many others.

Others have nightmares too. Another recurring nightmare shows me the results of somebody's lack of planning at work. I am a very good planner and even better multiplexer, which is why I am so busy with multiple tasks (I wear 5 hats), and can't understand somebody else's lack of planning. My workday is an orchestrated daylong heart attack, with little time to catch my breath before some "problem" pops into my office needing their shit unclogged. Most of these disasters could have been avoided if the guy had thought ahead to look around and plan. I now have several rolls of toilet paper in my office to hand out to THOSE people. I also tell them that lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Let them have their own nightmares, instead of passing them to me.

Solutions? Besides going it solo, plan, and not be a co-dependent... two things I do to fight my nightmares are my daily prayers and my weekly massage. Massage is heaven on earth. Not only does it help my mind's anxieties, but also it fixes my beat-up body. I couldn't do my hiking, riding and lifting without it. Thanks, Jan.

Freud said that every dream is a wish. In between nightmares... in between tough parts of my life... I do have some wonderful, warm, peaceful dreams and great sleep. I have started to get these again, my favorite being slowly flying above nature's majesty. I wish for peace and calmness, solo.


- some of this © 2007 by Willy

Taking a Step Into the Light

I'm taking one step into the light. If God is not there, I've lost nothing. If God is closer, I've gained everything. So, what keeps me from taking this step?

This paraphrase of Pascal's Wager... a good example of the tie-in between philosophy and religion... irks the atheists to no end. To me it's beautiful logic and a debate winner.

God exists, whether I remember to take that step or not. But what has fascinated me for a lifetime is... what is my mission here? What does my Father want me to do? What are my tasks?

I call home in prayer every day for an answer.

Certainly, I know part of it: we are here to contribute. At the end, He will ask, "Did you make a difference?" He gave me my talents for me to do something with them, rather than to stick them under a rock.

I believe I'm here because I have some special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, with a special act of love to bestow. No one else can speak my message or sing my song or offer my act of love. These have been entrusted only to me. I'm positive about this.

My life has had some brokenness... broken relationships, broken promises and broken expectations. It would be easy for me to become bitter and resentful without continuing daily talks with my Father. I pray daily... for my sanity. Father is always there and always answers. The brokenness is something that my limited human mind can't grasp, but I keep trying. My Father I trust. Your will be done, Father.

All this talk is to remind myself that it's time to take another step.

May the good Lord hold you, too, in the palm of His hand.

- text © 2007 by Willy
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Secrets of Bike Commuting

My friend Dave, a very fit rider and racer to the max, asked me about my bicycle commuting to work. He's done some, but been thinking of getting serious and increasing to add training miles and reduce his carbon footprint. In his travels, he's also become more aware of the bicycle as a utility vehicle. In addition, we discussed at length earlier this year the use of bike commuting as reflection, meditation and therapy. I also enjoy being closer to Mother Nature, feeling the sun, hearing her symphony and noticing the smells carried by the wind. A good side effect is gas costs... a bowl of cereal takes me in and a banana powers me home.

I use a dedicated commuter bike... a hardtail mountain bike with XT grupo, big under inflated street tires and a rack. Pretty utilitarian and slow, but great training. I've needed this utility... times are when I've got to go off-road due to heavy scary car flow, or to bypass a car line at traffic lights and at traffic pinch points. I've had some adventures. Then there is bad pavement too, but the big, soft, 40 lb tires give me a less-jarring ride. The rack is to carry a briefcase sometimes and the heavier outer shell back home on cold days.

I bike commute when the forecast is for overnight temperatures above 40, rain forecast less than 50%, and no initial rain at start.

I take it easy in the mornings so as to not need another shower but race myself after work to the gym. I take plenty of clean clothes to work on days I do not ride (for whatever reason) and keep there street shoes, ties, comb and the like.

I assume every driver is either not paying attention or out to get me. No, I do not return obscenities.

I also use a dedicated commuter helmet. I wear headlights on handlebar and on helmet, red blinkies on seat tube and helmet. I ride thru residential areas when I can and sidewalks when I need to. Peers ask me if I worry about getting run over and I tell them I'm more worried about cardiovascular disease and cancer.

I wear bright polyprop/lycra and shades, and will add layers as winter proceeds. I never start a ride in the rain, but don't mind getting wet in the warm afternoon. I carry around my waist a wind shell or parka in a tidy small self-contained pouch or bag with built-in web belt, mostly for cold rain. Both the shades and regular glasses are RainX-ed for the afternoon thundershowers. I don't carry cell phone, Blackberry or anything susceptible to water, since I will not call anybody for a rescue in case of a mishap.

The real big secret to successful bike commuting is planning. The best I've done is about two weeks without turning a car key, which takes lots of prior planning for work and errands both. Carrying groceries on the bike is not practical for me (Popsicles would hardly make it), and dry cleaning pickup is impossible.

I highly recommend it. Hope you try it too. Good luck.

- text © 2007 by Willy
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Feathering the Nest

Gosh, I haven't had much of a home the last 6 months. After the ex left, I've been cleaning up and renovating it.

What that means is that the hardwood guys come and throw everything into one room, work a day, come back in a couple of weeks, work another day, and so on. This also goes on for the bathroom marble tile, stairs specialist, finishing sander/varnisher, molding guys, painters, granite people, appliance folks, and so on... each creating the same delays and mess.

The good thing about it is that they made me realize how much junk I still had... and this is after I already took three truckloads to charity and filled a construction dumpster a few months ago.

The painting is done, so last week I took another vanful of books to the library, another load to charity, and filled multiple trashcans placed at the curve. Yesterday and today I was actually able to put back in most of the den, kitchen and living room from the stacked-up dining room. Still to go this weekend are the entire upstairs and the office (groan!) but it's going to get done this weekend... I'm going to get my nest back, now!

The bad thing is that I've been sleeping where I could. On carpet downstairs when the stairs guy was here, on an air mattress when the upstairs got trashed, on my mattress in the closet where the painter put it while painting the ceiling... anywhere. Everything upstairs got crammed into the guest bedroom. Then I couldn't find clean clothes to wear, since the painter covered my bedroom floor with them when he painted the closet. I did put my closet back together last Sunday, a big improvement to my bedroom and my mental health.

The really bad thing is that at times this interrupts my training and my fun. No bike commuting, no rides, no hikes and not much lifting for the last week or so, since I've been overloaded at work too... zero miles and zero hours. I feel like a slug. I've been busy all day today but haven't gotten any cardio out of it. Legs, yes, going up and down stairs and hill all day. Tomorrow I'm working on my office first, then the upstairs. I hope to finish so that I can relax and go hike my local mountain on Monday (a holiday), not the Grand Canyon, but easier to get to.

I'm mostly done with paint but still not done with workers... they're coming back to tear out and replace the foyer hardwood and lay new hardwoods at the upstairs hall and landing, and then comes the kitchen backsplash, which means more cleanup and repainting, since these boys think their mother lives here. They're a huge hassle, but I don't think my back would have endured if I did it myself.

The house is looking gorgeous... better than new... so I'm buying me a new LazyBoy and staying rather than selling the place. That's less hassle.

This time, the Welcome mats face in.

- © 2007 by Willy
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We Give What We Have

To him who only owns a hammer, every problem looks like a nail (Maslow).

In a relationship, we can only give what we have, and we can only expect what they are. Funny how we forget this.

I'm not sad at past behavior. I accept it, and even embrace it. It's funny to think back that what I was expecting just wasn't in her... my ex... all she owned was a hammer, literally.

I was deeply in love with her, but she wasn't. There was no "we." Based upon her words and actions, she felt nothing for me. How about "You through with me yet?" or her praise of a waiter's muscles, or inviting men over to the house... and there were other cruelties.

We had it all. The relationship should have been good but instead it was twisted and distorted. She never had the concept of "we" because she was incapable... it couldn't be changed, so it couldn't be saved.

I pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Another restatement is that I can't change the wind, but I can adjust my sails. And the redneck restatement is that you can't teach a pig to sing...it wastes your time, and it annoys the pig. That pig don't sing and she never will.

She was so believable because she was the most self-deceptive person I've ever know. Also, because I wanted it to work. Unfortunately, I was living a fantasy.

Academics at Denver University have developed a theory of commitment that says, essentially, that the best relationships are those in which two people see themselves as us more than as you and me. They make sacrifices for each other, and give priority to each other’s needs. In other words, relationship commitment is all about "we," not independence. No surprise here!

On a related issue... anger turned inwards is depression. After grieving, my anger resulted in bad thinking... and bad emotional and physical health. So, I am staying calm, serene and peaceful. I forgive them because I don't want their poison to continue to affect me... I'd rather they succumb to their own. I believe there is justice in this world and that she's going to get hers eventually. In reality, being shallow and self-centered, she moved on years ago, and maybe I haven't. However, I'm back to doing what's right, without compromise, and focusing to think the right thoughts. Life is definitely good, and most people are too.

Everybody I've known has made me happy, some by coming and some by going.

- © 2007 by Willy
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P.S., in either case, the best is yet to come!
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It's Time

After the figurative bomb went off, I vented for months. It may have done me good, although I have nothing to compare it to. In any case, looking back through this blog, I see that my craziness, my hurt, my grief, and my anger has lately subsided, although some remains. It's been slowly replaced by a sense of warmth, happiness, peace and calmness.

I've been busy at work and I've been busy at home, and getting busier. In the last six months, I've solved many a technical and people problem, unclogging many a toilet, with more to go. I've gotten in nice physical shape... earning many compliments... have had a lot of fun, pedaled and hiked to the extreme, and laughed a lot. Did a significant amount of business and personal vacation travel both. I've cleaned up the house, spending huge amounts of money and time updating the house to sell... but it looks sooo good now that I'm staying!

I don't have interest in further grieving... or in irrational or emotional thinking. I don't really care what the fools are up to. I'm happy, life is good, injuries are manageable, and I'm enjoying life in its many splendors.

It's time to dust myself off and get on with it.

-©2007 by Willy

P.S., I will continue to write, though.
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Outlive The Bitches?

You've surely heard the story of the 98-year old lady who, when asked by her preacher what her secret was for not needing to forgive her enemies, remarked that she had outlived the bitches.

There was a Time magazine article earlier this year that presented Worry and Stress from risk based upon number of fatalities. The bottom line was that we shouldn't worry about dying in a car wreck, where only 40,000 of us die yearly in this country, but we should indeed worry about cardiovascular disease and cancer, where 1.2 million a year of us die (30 times more). And we can minimize this risk with a healthy diet and daily exercise.

We've all know for years that being fat and out of shape increases risk for heart attacks and strokes, but this week a superstudy (a study of 7,000 cancer studies) stated that there is direct correlation between overweight and cancer... you lower the risk of cancer 20% by reducing your weight by just 10 pounds! Wow!

My old buddy Mike divorced a few years ago. They have a life insurance policy that would pay off to the surviving ex-spouse. He is trying his darnest to live a clean and fit life so that his ex-spouse can't profit from his death.

Even though I'm all about quality of life as compared to quantity, these two do correlate, like it or not.

I may end up doing like that little old lady, and my friend Mike, only because I do plan on continuing to get more fit, eat a better diet, do consistent daily exercise, continue support groups, read more comedy, and give up stressful people. Thus I might end up outliving the bitches and aholes as a side effect.

Might even remember who they were.

If I do, I will dance on their graves.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Behavior Modification

I'm not perfect by a long shot, but I'm not bad either. Besides being a skeptic and intolerant of fools, my real problem seems to be being a Codependent. I try too much to take care of people to the point that they avail themselves of me instead of growing up and being responsible, thus I draw dependents. I'm going to a support group, and this time I'm sticking with it, just like I've got to stay at the gym for life.

Yes, I'm a skeptic. I do believe that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and thus I've got to abstain. I have a 2x4 at office and another at home, prominently displayed, with signed instructions to hit me with it if I get into another romantic relationship. I call it my Correction Stick. It also should keep away the femme fatales, unless they take it as a challenge or a game.

I hope this combination of support group, whack motivation, and dependent repellent does the trick.

- © 2007 by Willy

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