Hurt

Today, I'm having a bad day. I'm hurting to the point that I wonder what my tombstone should say. What's different about today? How did I get this way... what triggered it? What am I doing about it? What is my solution? Did I suffer a relapse? Am I still waffling in and out of the edges of depression? When am I going to get out of this mess? It shouldn't take this long!

Is there ever a real solution to a broken heart? Probably not... I can't forget what happened, but then how do I learn to live with it? Geeeeze, this is a tough subject to address, much less to solve. I know that it's all about finding that ONE thing that will truly put my heart at rest.

I suspect that the problem is that there is no logic to it. It's an emotional problem and it seems to require an emotional solution. I know in my head that I have to let myself off the hook; to be kind to myself; to lower my self-expectations; to control my thoughts; to allow my poor heart to break a little; and, specially, to give it time. But it's all easier to say than do, and none of these seem to be emotional solutions.

I have my good days and my bad days. By training, I look for and try out different solutions, and that's what I do. Tomorrow will be a better day.

- © 2008 by Willy
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