Co-Dependency Tool

When I told my close buddies that I've been doing the 12 steps at Co-Dependents Anonymous, they thought I either had some sort of drinking problem or was dancing Texas cowboy style.

A co-dependent is somebody who provides for a dependent, where that dependent should take care of him/herself and the co-dependent should mind his own business. However, like other things, it's not that simple. Us daddy/mamas are naturally co-dependents when we grow up our babies, and have to moderate and then stop as they grow up and out... and switch to nurturing.

Also, there's subjective judgment about the dependent's capabilities, and many other excuses and false reasoning to co-depend.

Co-dependency happens with relationships, romantic or otherwise. For instance, John, as moderator of my Co-Dependents Anonymous group is himself a co-dependent to the dependent group... of course!

A summary solution of co-dependency is that I must always make the choice that brings me peace and serenity, which is to detach.

Occurring often in relationships for a co-dependent is the quandary on how to nurture but yet not be co-dependent. Fluffy (see comments) has a great short and sweet point when she said that the successful nurturer always keeps him/herself separate from the person being nurtured. When you start confusing your needs with the other's needs, you are in trouble.

I'd better add that to my tool chest... the mental image of a nun slapping a yarstick on a desk saying "AND WHOSE NEED IS THAT?"

It's going to help!

- © 2008 by Willy
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