Wells and Relationship Rules

Yes, everybody's different. Some people don't miss the water until the well runs dry. Then some other people keep looking for new, multiple wells... And never have to worry about water. Likewise, some people just leave dry wells as their legacy in life... suck the life out of their relationships, then discard the bodies.

So how can a relationship of two people ever succeed? Can two people agree to anything at all in order to have a long-term relationship, or are we resigned to a series of long dates or short marriages?

Hell, I haven't done it well, but there are some overlaps or commonalities in the volumes of books out there that may constitute basic rules.

- You have to at least like... if not love... the other, and be enthusiastic about him/her. If you're just after getting a paid ride, go get welfare, not a lover.

- You have to be compatible and honest to develop trust. If one of you steals the other's prescription pills, there is not a chance in hell to even start a relationship, because there will be no trust. Trust in God and in each other. Without trust, there is nothing. If you have nothing...

- There has to be an understanding about exclusiveness. Open relationships imply no commitment, and there is no trust and no care... you're just roommates. If you're just playing with a bunch of people to see what you can get, I hope you get what's coming to you.

- Give. Contribute! If one gives and the other takes, the giver will get sick of it when the infatuation smoke clears. And I mean giving love and caring, no matter what, with no conditions. Yes, a real tough one and the one that may break it long-term.

- Give the benefit of the doubt and always assume positive intent. Have a positive attitude and positive expectation about your relationship. No faultfinding. No fixing. No jabs. No punishment. No yelling but no passive-aggressive shit either. Absolutely essential.

- Communicate often how you feel and what to do, since you're a couple now, not independent operators... the other should matter. This does not mean tell him or her what to do, nor demand things from the other, it means coordinate to do things with and spend time with each other.

- Respect the other, and his/her wishes. Put them high in your priorities. Don't take him/her for granted. Don't change him/her... instead take him/her as they are. Limit the amount of stuff you ask them to do and to change, or they will resent that. But if this doesn't come from within, you'd better address it quickly (Is she using you? Are you using her?).

- Commit to be together. If you expect the relationship to fail, it will. If you go day-by-day, it might do that. If you are just using him/her until you can find somebody better, you're disgusting and should put yourself away. Machines such as bikes don't do that, ad notwithstanding.


- © 2008 by Willy