Understanding Engineers

An engineer is born, not made. Shocking, isn't it? He's the kid who blows the fuses, breaks his own nose, almost drowns in a pool, collects every neighborhood TV thrown out, actually liked High School math and science, and stays a virgin through college. The one that had an uncontrollable urge to show his parents better ways to do things, even though they didn't care.

Beware of wolves in geek guise... a degree does not an engineer make!

For a true engineer, happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in depth... happiness is to tinker. An engineer doesn't idle well.

True engineers know Pi, e, c, the square root of 2, the sine of 30, and the log of 5... just because. Who wouldn't?

Engineers think highly of their abilities. Surely you've heard of the old codger of a retired engineer who was called by his company to figure out what was wrong with an old machine. He listened to it then wrote equations on the chalkboard and finally circled his answer. When asked to itemize his bill, he wrote "Chalk $1, knowing what to write $9,999." He was hoping his old company wouldn't bother him again.

To an engineer, shaft alignment is critical, but not sexual harassment. When you overhear him muttering he's going to pump it 'till it blows, he's just having trouble conducting a test. When he asks "Are you getting enough head?" he is problem-solving, not prying into your personal life. However, he might get in trouble with the procurement gal when he asks her for some nipples.

In engineerese, when an engineer tells you that he'll look into it, he is not brushing you off... but it will take him a while to play with it. Everything to him is either things that needs fixing or a thing that will need fixing after he plays with it. Engineers like to solve problems, so if there is no problem, he will create his own.

No engineer looks at a gadget, like a television remote control, without wondering what it would take to turn it into something more "useful." Those new defibrillators showing up in hallways make great bench power supplies.

There are two kinds of engineers: the ones who like risk and the ones who don't. The ones who like risk become rocket scientists, and the others become their managers.

The fastest way for a manager to solve an engineering problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case.

Another management ploy is to threaten to give the tough problem to another engineer. Nothing is worse to an engineer than the suggestion that somebody else has more technical skill.

Thus, engineers don't like their managers. An engineer figures that the less you know, the more you make... and can prove this mathematically. Geeks may inherit the earth but have no wish to rule it, so a manager will stay out of the engineer's way if he knows what's good for him.

Engineers are different from mathematicians. For one thing, engineers don't shine their shoes. Also, whereas a mathematician believes in eventually reaching the correct answer to 10 places, engineers believe a two-digit guess now is good enough.

And our Southern engineers are different from their Yankee brethren. Only our engineers would calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support an 8-pound possum 6 feet from the trunk (know the answer?).

An engineer not in a relationship has the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be accused of sleeping on the job or pronounced dead prematurely. It's best to just wait and see if he comes out of it... with an answer.

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer. Assuming the basic needs for warmth and decency have been satisfied, anything else is a waste.

An engineer's objectives for boring social interaction is to get it over with as soon as possible, or to avoid getting invited to begin with. Engineers prefer machines. Some non-geeks say engineers ARE machines... we appreciate the compliment.

Dating is tough for engineers. Others create a false impression of attractiveness, but engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Unfortunately, engineers are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house or fixing your PC... and have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity... resulting in the inevitable disrupting divorce with child support and alimony. Wolves abound on all sides.

As an aside, if you are a young engineer, my suggestion is to get a vasectomy NOW, while you can... too late for me, save yourself!

Eventually, this too is forgotten because, to the engineer, the world is a wonderful toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys to play with.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Happiness

The pursuit of happiness? Yeah, that one.

Happiness is not the same for everybody.
For monks, happiness is abstinence, poverty, fasting and celibacy. For some people it's money and power... or debauchery. For most of us is finding love and kindness from others.

To me, happiness is wanting and appreciating what I've already got, as compared to success, which is getting what you want.

Happiness is having low expectations... by doing so, you're rarely dissapointed... and are happy when things turn out not quite as badly as expected.

Happiness is contentment, feeling secure and having no worries. Feeling less stress at work and not worrying about money. And having close friends and family.

Happiness is an attitude I must choose, a decision I make, now, and in advance. Whether I'm going to have a good day or not largely depends on my attitude and my decision to see life in that way. A driver could be an idiot, or somebody could be nasty, or just irresponsible. It doesn't matter and I don't care. Bad stuff happens... it's how I choose to react that counts.

You do what you want... I choose to be quietly content.

- © 2007 by Willy
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Dear Ex

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring, to give your heart a song to sing. I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love.

All that I did, I did out of heartfelt love for you. You don't understand this because you've never been in love. I don't think you've been capable of it.

I do pray that you do become capable of love, and that you do fall deeply in love... love is beautiful, you'll see... and if you get lucky, your lover will break your heart like you did mine... and you'd then get the breadth of it.

In the meantime, I've finally moved on. Just like you did years ago. And I'm in love again... I love responsible, mature people who are kind and helpful, who trust, contribute, compliment, and respect, with a good positive attitude, who enjoy life and do the right thing. Nothing like you.

You can keep those clueless friends you poisoned.

I smile, I laugh, I whistle tunes, and I love life again.

I wish you love.

- most of this text © 2007 by Willy
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P.S., I was the rocket scientist you met cycling... blue bike.
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Reality

Pigs do fly, hell does freeze over, and we do eat our words, on a regular basis. At least I surely do. It seems that emotions do prevail over logic, or that form trumps function, and that the unwanted and impossible happens. Some of this is bad... and some of it is good, depends on how you take it. The skyscraper that survives an earthquake is not the strongest but the most flexible. Ditto for trees in a hurricane.

It's sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between reality and fantasy, and thus understand what's happening. The best laid plans do sometimes fail, and it seems that setting and following some goals is fruitless as compared to waiting for opportunity. Maybe the key is to be flexible... to be prepared and to be ready... so that when opportunity knocks... or the hurricane happens... AND we recognize it... we can deal with it.

When a badass in a meeting spews his bile, it does absolutely no good to confront him, but instead it's best to keep your cool... and be flexible... like the tree in a hurricane.

It's an attitude.

When you realize that you are not significant to your significant other, then be flexible... roll with the punch, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, stand up tall and smile. Yes, much easier said than done here too.

Engineering teaches to identify and assess, develop solutions, implement them, and evaluate results. And sometimes it works (luck!), but most of the time, the intricacies of each of those simple words make it impossible to do, and flexibility... trying out many different solutions... is the way. Or at least works great with machines.


Like the bumper sticker on redneck pickup trucks: Reality Happens. The key is to recognize it, and bend like a tree... in your own grove!




- © 2007 by Willy
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