Dallas Waxing Eloquently

OK, so I've weightlifted with my buddy Dallas for twenty years now. He's usually quiet but every now and then the Holy Spirit comes out and he gets philosophical. That happened tonight.

I mentioned that I did not want to hurt this massage therapist's feelings and Dallas responded with "Did you miss your first day of Codependents Anonymous? Where you stood up and said 'Hi, I'm Willy, and I am not responsible for anybody else's feelings.'" "Oh!" I said, "Let me write that down... that's good," as I reached for my cell phone while he did some reps.

That wound him up and he hardly paused, continuing, "I remember Doctor Smith telling me the three different types of dependency:"

Lord, I trust you to take care of me, and not some other things or people. - Prayer of the dependent.

Lord I trust you to take care of me, and not me take care of me. - Prayer of the overly independent.

Lord I trust you to take care of the people that you bring into my life, and not me take care of them (don't be quick to take care of them). - Prayer of the Codependent.

"Unconditional love is a fantasy. People can't do it. Can only get it from God. God desires to fill my vacuum. People try to fill it with drugs, sex, money, muscles and etc." Amen to that, brother.

Watch The Nutrition

Two Alligators were sitting around the gym after their workout, talking nutrition.

The smaller Gator turned to the bigger one and said, "I can"t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Gator, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Gator [or Lawyers, Ex'es or whatever].

"Hmm... well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot."

"Same here! How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under a car and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat them!"

"Ah!" says the big Gator, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothing left but a briefcase."

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Moral of the story: (1) Watch what you eat... don't eat crap, (2) Bigger is not always better... some people and some Gators are just full of it, and (3) Maybe you're OK just the way you are.

Between Heaven and Earth

There are acquaintances, there are friends, and there are buddies.


I'm in the process of helping buddy Delia move to her new condo, little by little. A recent widow, she has no children and one nephew... but she has me, Jane and young David. Delia is doing better after having both knees replaced and losing 40 pounds, but she's old, has fallen, and is having some concerns. She did order a hospital bed to her new condo, though. I'm glad she's still around... she's a grand dame and I enjoy an intelligent conversation. I've only known her a dozen years but she feels like an old buddy. Somebody took a picture of me and Delia snoring in a pew at a Prague church, so, we've slept together. A relationship, for sure.


I'm a big guy, but next to my buddy Dallas I look small. I've been working out with young Dallas for 18 years at four gyms, and... still... aspire to get huge like him. He's a nice guy too, not a 'roid rage lunkhead like other big guys. No, I do not need a skinny workout partner to look bigger. Dallas and I have had our arguments... a readhead came between us once... but we're buddies. Another relationship.

I've gone on adventure vacations with others of both sexes and a variety of age differences... I pick up old Roger this Saturday to hike the Smokies and young Diane will spend her weekend housesitting (we've gone vacationing together too) to feed and observe my wild animals. My blessings include uniquely kind-hearted Jennifer W, positively terrific Heidi, patient tutor Phil, delightful daughter Jennifer, reliable Jim, as well as many others.

I've got many strong relationships, but no romantic ones... intentionally. Friends and buddies are all the relationships I need, and all I can handle.

My buddies keep me between heaven and earth. They are the angels without which I would not enjoy life. Thanks, buddies.


- © 2009 by Willy