Sing Song

"Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go..."

I've been hearing that refrain all day, perhaps due to my noticing of tomorrow's play of the 1956 Elvis movie on the tube. I whistled it continuously during my long Thanksgiving day before-dinner hike today.

When I was a kid... before Elvis... my mother sang a fairly similar lullaby. I felt very cuddled in hearing it. In turn, I hummed this Elvis tune to my kids to relax them at bedtime. Not only that, but I still self-medicate to this ditty. Lullabies are meant to function just so, and work amazingly well.

I'm in the midst of some turmoil: A nutty young punk threatened to beat me up and has evoked memories of early school bullies. I've been sleeping with a shotgun, and Elvis calms me down.

Or perhaps I was hearing God's lullaby.

Prayers can be the darnest things... whistling a lullaby!

More conventional: "For exercise to calm the body and prayer to calm the mind, I am truly thankful, amen."

It's best to accept the situation, prepare for a possible eventuality, and go through channels... calmly.


- non-Elvis text © 2011 by Willy

Can't Do Solitude

Engineers are antisocial creatures that would much prefer to work behind a locked door, occasionally getting fed. They are different from others in that they excel in solitude. But, like perfection, solitude is just not attainable. In addition, it's been shown that solitude is not healthy. There is happiness in community, and even Trappist monks have community. Can't stop the world and get off.

For example, one engineer who struggled with this issue his whole life finally retired to a cabin in the remotest Yukon. Year in and year out, he relished his newfound solitude. One day he hears a pounding knock, opens his door and is amazed to find a character at his doorstep.


The burly guy says "Hi, I'm your next-door neighbor, 30 miles south, here to invite you to a welcoming party this Saturday night."



There is a sled outside and his dogs are barking.

After a long pause, the incredulous engineer finally says "Welcoming party? Out here?"

"Yep" says the character.

"With people?"

"Yep."

"With music?"

"Yep."

"With drinking?"

"Yep."

"And carousing?"

"Yep."

"And sex?"

"Yep."

"How many do you expect?"

"Just you and me."





- © 2010 by Willy

P.S. Solitude is a choice. Loneliness is not.

Watch The Nutrition

Two Alligators were sitting around the gym after their workout, talking nutrition.

The smaller Gator turned to the bigger one and said, "I can"t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Gator, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Gator [or Lawyers, Ex'es or whatever].

"Hmm... well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot."

"Same here! How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under a car and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat them!"

"Ah!" says the big Gator, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a politician, there's nothing left but a briefcase."

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Moral of the story: (1) Watch what you eat... don't eat crap, (2) Bigger is not always better... some people and some Gators are just full of it, and (3) Maybe you're OK just the way you are.

Open Your Eyes

Pepito tells his teacher late one afternoon that his cat just had five kittens and that all of them believe in Fidel and the Cuban revolution.

The following morning the proud teacher takes Pepito to see the principal.

"Pepito, tell the principal what you told me yesterday."

"My cat had five kittens, and two of them believe in the revolution."

"Pepito! Yesterday you told me that all five kittens believe in the revolution. How's that?"

"Oh, yes, teacher... but this morning three of them opened their eyes."


[This anecdote was popular in 1959]


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