From X-rays to Blood Tests

I'll be 60 very soon and my buddies bugged me about it, so I recently went and got a colonoscopy, prostate exam, blood test and etc. The cardiologist who did a baseline set of tests said I have the heart of a 25-year-old, but I did not tell him that (according to charts) I have more flexibility and can do more pushups & sit-ups, press more weights, and even hike & bike further than most 25-year-olds too... although much slower. Old age is a sport of persistence, endurance and determination.

The gastroenterologist said I'd need to get somebody to drive me home after the scope because I would not be able to drive. Negotiating, I said I'd bicycle or hike home, since it was half the distance I usually hike on weekends, but we settled on calling a taxi instead.

Turns out that the scope procedure was an assembly line and not too embarrassing. Matter of fact, I got a chuckle out of the nurses being concerned because my heart rate was less than 60 to which I replied that this was normal (they were worried they overdid pre-sedation). After that I was asked to roll over on my side, the lights went out and then it was time to call that cab.

The prostate exam was embarrassing only because it was a lady doctor sticking her thumb up my butt. But the real trauma or embarrassment to me was when I got the blood drawn, which was done by the X-ray lady, who told me she did both blood and X-rays. Evidently I have gone from breaking bones to needing blood testing.

It also illustrated that my definition of a young woman had changed as well as the line between being a flirt or a lecherous old man. Anyone younger than me is a kid, and older than me is an old fart, so there are more and more kids around nowadays.

I don't think I've ever waltzed around feeling young. My buddies always told me I drove my Vette like an old man, but then they blew their engines and I didn't.

The only time I've felt touched by mortality is when a '65 Buick and my motorcycle collided back in '82 and I stayed two weeks at the most expensive "motel" room in town (had breakfast in bed too), although I also have had many broken or sprained limbs, digits and ribs. Life has been a great adventure.

What we think of as aging is really symptoms of disuse due to lifestyle, but there is a line between doing and breaking that I no longer want to push.

So, now I get blood tests rather than X-rays from an attractive young woman with whom I hope I flirt with.

- © 2009 by Willy