Once Upon a Time

True stories from my wonderful world...

After joking about my embarrassment during vasectomy, a surgical nurse friend of mine (who wants to remain nameless) told me a better story. They had scrubbed, gowned and masked, and were starting a hemorrhoid surgery. The poor guy's butt was on a jig, up in the air. The surgery room was busy with preparations. Wrongly assuming that the anesthesia had taken hold, the nurse says out loud "Nice butt!" and slaps it. The patient responds with "Thanks" to everyone's giggles. Then he got aroused, to even more giggles! She said it's a good thing she was masked so the poor guy would not recognize her later.

Upon hearing that I hurt myself at the gym, my friend Jim answered with this: "I hope you are feeling better soon. I do not want to rub it in, BUT, I have never injured myself getting my Lean Cuisine meals out of the freezer case, through the checkout line, and home to my freezer. Now I know you have been trying to entice me to commit suicide and join you at the gym. Well, I feel that I have chosen the better part. If you would like to accompany me on my next trip to the freezer case, I will come and pick you up, take you to the super market, get you a wheel chair, push you around the store and return you home safe and sound."

As a young man, painting my first house for the first time, I was at the top corner or gable end trying to paint the facia boards next to the roof when I noticed these eyes looking at me thru the slats. Not knowing the size of the teeth that went with those eyes, I decided to descend the ladder and find something to shoo the vermin. I found the wasp spray before I found the broom, so I went back up, sprayed the eyes from a safe distance away, and... lo and behold, it came straight at me! I fell off the ladder into the bushes. Looking up from the ground I see this bat fluttering slowly away. Surprised would be too mild a description.

My friend Roger... a source of constant fun and amusement... had a blind date this past Halloween. He tells me he actually scared her by showing up at her home on Halloween in a rubber mask of an eerie looking man. When he knocked at her door, the date, a very attractive woman, thought he was a bum from a slum area of town and locked her front door before Roger could come in!

Yes, it trully is a wonderful world, just as Louie Armstrong said.

- © 2007 by Willy
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